


Speed Up, Slow Down

by JuggernautCosmos



Series: Morning Coffee [1]
Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 07:02:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 63,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11892519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuggernautCosmos/pseuds/JuggernautCosmos
Summary: Anxiety and the death of Rosa left Mat emotionally paralyzed, forcing himself into a routine that kept him sheltered and stuck in the past. Craig had become so obsessed with projecting a perfect image, he refused to face his crushing depression in fear of looking weak. The two meet when Craig moves to Maple Bay, ultimately turning their friendship into something they needed the most; release.





	1. Small Talk

He still remembered the first time Craig walked into the Coffee Spoon.

It was a pretty normal day with normal weather and normal customers. Just like the day before, his shift started at 8 am and just like the night before, it would end at 8 pm with him walking home to find Carmensita "accidentally" forgetting to do her homework while she stuffed her face with whatever sweets she snuck from the cabinet during some tv marathon. At this point, he just gave up and trusted she would appreciate a solid work ethic when she was a little older.

Unlocking the entrance to the shop, Mat got to work setting everything up for the day. He liked opening and closing on his own, really only needing Pablo during the rush of early weekday mornings. Getting to work removing the chairs from tabletops and placing them down properly, Mat sighed. He hadn't selected any background music yet, so the shop was still and almost deafeningly silent. It didn't necessarily bother him, but he wasn't really happy about it either. He stood still for a moment, thinking about distant memories. Eventually, he got back to what he was doing, accepting the silence once more as part of his present life. That was good enough for him because at least he knew there wouldn't be any more change.

"Morning" Mat greeted once he heard the door bell chime, signaling his first customer. Robert shuffled into the shop, taking his usual seat by the window and grunted as a response. A few months into this routine, Mat finally had asked Robert why he insisted on coming in before the Coffee Spoon officially opened. He was told it was because if he came when there was the usual crowd of people, he wouldn't want to ever come back. Mat didn't really get it, considering Robert stayed the entire day anyway, but he had yet to receive more of an explanation.

Robert was odd like that.

Taking the hint, Mat finished setting up the seating areas and returned to the counter. It took him a few minutes to grab the necessary ingredients, but soon he had two cups of freshly brewed coffee in his hands. Carefully, he carried them over to where Robert sat, place one in front of the brooding man and took the seat across from him. They sat in comfortable silence; the kind that was out of choice, not loneliness. Drinking almost half of his cup, Mat got up from his seat.

"You want a pastry or anything?" He asked, walking over to the display case that housed various types of edible delights. Robert sat back in his chair, thinking it over. Even after only a few sips, he seemed much more awake and alert now.

"You got any muffins?"

"Banana, chocolate or blueberry?"

"Hmm...Blueberry." Picking out one rather large muffin, Mat set it down next to Robert's mug.

"You really don't like the banana bread, huh?"

Robert shrugged. "It's a work in progress."

"The bread or your taste buds?" Avoiding the offended, albeit exaggerated, look Robert shot at him, Mat opted to finish organizing the place for the next 30 minutes. Just like the day before, he lingered behind the counter, finishing the rest of his drink in silence. He didn't expect his first official customer until about 20 minutes into his shift and when they finally did show up, he returned once again to his routine of service.

About an hour into the morning crowd, Pablo had come by as well. Exploding with his usual energy, he got to work right away making drinks while Mat ran the cash register. Mat probably could have done everything on his own, but Pablo was a good kid. He trusted Pablo to work hard and at the end of the day, it gave Mat more time out of the day to do things he really wanted, like not work.

No, Mat didn't have a reason to believe anything extraordinary was going to happen and he had no intention of stressing over it. Most people would have agreed that it would be boring to do the same thing every day for the rest of your life. Mat relished in the feeling of routine, because it meant that there would be absolutely nothing to surprise him and drag him out of his comfort zone. Even his more "spontaneous" activities were things he had done many times before and there was nothing wrong with that.

But that morning at 10 am sharp when Craig walked in, Mat could feel his routine decimate into a billion little pieces. Out of instinct, Mat looked up when he heard the little door bell chime, alerting him of a customer.

"Welcome to the Coffee Spoon." He rehearsed, not really searching to see who had just walked inside. Due to the man's height, however, it was hard for Mat to miss him. He was a bit taller than most of the regulars, so Mat had a constant view of the top of his head and rather interesting haircut. Handling his current customer, Mat could feel his heart thump a little harder than normal. He absolutely hated meeting new people. The uncertainty and unfamiliarity killed him. He just never knew what to say and once words left his mouth, they would just keep coming out until he was either shushed or whoever he was talking to walked away. It was a wonder how he managed to keep a few people around. He was told he had a charm about him that most people gravitated towards. Not like he would know; it was Caremsita who told him that. Now that he thought about it, it was probably her way of trying to get him out of his shell and socialize more. He sighed; if he was lucky, this new person would be too busy to chat and, God willing, ignore him.

"Hey bro!" The man slid up to the counter, all smiles. Mat took a quick moment to survey the stranger. He wore some kind of athletic wear which looked damp with sweat. This person obviously just came from some kind of exercise. He didn't look new to the game either, as Mat could very clearly see a vague outline of a well-defined chest under the man's shirt. He grimaced internally; from the way the man spoke to the way he looked, it was almost painfully obvious this guy was a total meat head. Mat's high school memories reminded him of how dimwitted and hyper aggressive these dude bros were and that they were in fact, his least favorite kind of people. He stopped himself from trying to find a smell of protein powder or some weird steroids cocktail off the guy. Did steroids even have a smell?

"Hey" Mat replied, smiling a little bit out of professional courtesy. He hesitated, wondering if the man would be able to follow a basic conversation. He looked nice enough, but so did anyone who had no idea what was going on half of the time. "Uh … I haven't seen you around before. Are you new?"

"Yeah! Just moved from California actually." Mat nodded. So that explains the surfer dude accent. "Name's Craig. It's nice to meet you, bro!" Craig extended a hand, waiting happily for a handshake. Mat accepted the gesture, letting his arm be jiggled by Craig's rather firm but comfortable grip. Letting go, Mat was keenly aware of how sweaty his hand was and discreetly wiped it on his pants, hoping Craig didn't notice. The two stood in a beat of silence.

"So … what'll you have?" Mat asked. Undeterred by the awkward pauses, Craig scanned the menu briefly. He used a free hand to pull on his shirt, fanning himself off a bit. Mat's eyes unwillingly wandered down Craig's form until he started talking again, snapping back to attention as if he didn't just try checking him out.

"What do you recommend?"

"Ah …" Mat thought for a moment, thinking about the least offensive option for someone who probably thought of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as their Lord and Savior. "Iced Teagan and Sara is a good choice. The healthiest one we have here I think." Okay, maybe it wasn't the healthiest, but it was tea and maybe Craig didn't know the difference.

"Really?" Craig asked, genuine surprise in his tone. "Is it vegan?"

"I mean it's just dried up leaves so … probably. But then I'm not sure if the leaves are actual leaves or if they've been manufactured somehow to look like leaves. Not that I would know anything about that since my ingredient sources are reputable. To my knowledge. But there's shady business everywhere so who knows. It's possible they've infiltrated the uh … tea … business..." Mat trailed off, realizing he had let his mouth run off in an attempt to sound interesting. Embarrassed, he coughed nervously. "A-Are you vegan?"

Craig shook his head, chuckling a little. Was he laughing at Mat? "Nah. I tried it once and I almost passed out during an early run. I had River with me so I was worried I was gonna hurt her or something. Luckily I caught myself on a park bench and we just sat for a while."

"River?"

"She's my kid! Cutest little bro ever. I bring her for resistance training and all."

"Is that safe? Because it doesn't sound safe."

"I mean probably. Anyway, long story short; don't do that."

"I'll try to keep it in mind." Craig smiled, opening his mouth to say something else. Mat quickly cut him off, however, when he could see the line of people get a little restless. He didn't realize he had just had a full on conversation. "Ah, so is that going to be all for you?"

Craig thought for a moment. "Yep! Is it alright if I get that to go?"

"Oh, sure. No problem." Relieved that he could finally escape the chit chat, Mat rung up Craig's order and went about his business with the rest of the queue. With familiar faces and conversations coming back to him, he was able to let himself relax again and get back into that normal headspace. Every now and again he glanced up at Craig, catching him either trying to avoid someone (Robert) staring at him, playing around with his phone or discreetly stretching. Mat raised an eyebrow. For someone who was incredibly well built, he seemed to want to take up as little space as possible and was succeeding. Mat began to wonder if he was just playing the part of a jock and was actually a regular human being. Kind of like how Robert just played the part of a drunkard asshole but was actually … wait.

"Iced Teagan and Sara for Craig!" Pablo called out a few minutes later. Mat took a second from breaking a 10 dollar bill to watch Craig grab his drink, give Pablo finger guns and have them returned happily, and head towards the door.

"Thanks for coming!" Mat called out to him, Craig turned around, pushing the door open with his back, tea in hand. He flashed Mat a smile that was burned into his memory for the rest of the day.

"See you around, bro!" he called back before finally disappearing into the real world. Mat stared at the door, his heart returned to its normal pace just minutes before and his face settling into a look of distant curiosity.

"Huh."

…

As the day rolled on, Mat had almost reached a point where he had forgotten about Craig. By the mid afternoon, Pablo had headed home and, save for only a few seated patrons, the Coffee Spoon was relatively empty. Taking some time to sweep the floor and mess with the background music, Mat was brought out of his inner thoughts when the entrance bell rang.

Looking up, he grinned as Joseph walked in, Chris trailing behind. "Hey, Joseph!" Mat greeted, walking up to the clean cut man. The two shared a brief hug. "How are you?"

"I'm pretty good! Just taking a walk with Chris here" Joseph gestured to his eldest son, who had taken to wandering around the shop. He didn't seem interested in anything they had to talk about. "Actually, I was hoping to ask you something?"

"Sure, what's up?" Mat's heart dropped vaguely. He had hoped people would stop prepping inquiries like that by now. By the time Joseph finished asking the question, Mat had already thought of the worst case scenario.

"I'm not sure if you've heard, but we have a new neighbor who just moved in this morning."

Mat thought for a moment, putting two and two together. "Uh … Craig?"

Joseph perked up, smiling broadly. "Is that his name? How did you know?"

"He stopped by earlier. Seemed alright I suppose."

"Well, it sounds like you're already ahead of me then. I was thinking it would be great to give him a nice introduction to our neighborhood. So in typical Christiansen fashion, I'm hosting a barbeque this weekend! You and your family are invited of course. What do you say?"

"Sure, that sounds great," Mat said. It did not sound great. "I'll have to see what Caremensita is doing this weekend, but we should be able to make it."

"That's good to hear! I'll send out the details later on this week for everyone." Joseph rubbed his hands together, putting on a thinking face. "I suppose my next stop now would be to invite the guest of honor. What kind of cookies do you think he would like?"

"Ah...actually, I don't think he likes any cookies." Mat chuckled. "He seemed to be kind of a health nut. I mean I didn't ask him directly, but everything about him screamed 'I live at the gym.' It was kind of scary."

"Huh...I see. Well, I'm sure I can find a healthy variation." He thought silently for a moment. "Alright, well with that, my business here is done. I'll see you and Carmensita at the barbeque this weekend hopefully!" Mat and Joseph shared one last hug, after which Joseph collected Chris who had been busy winning a staring contest against Robert. The two blonds left and Mat was once again at the receiving end of Robert's rant on how he was positive the Christiansen children were actually possessed.

"No one can keep their eyes open for that long unless they're dancing with the devil!" Robert raved, banging his fist on the table. "I'm telling you, Sella, watch out for those kids. They're hiding something."

Mat shot him a look. "Don't you have somewhere else to sulk? You've been here for who knows how long. I can't afford to keep feeding you."

"They're demons!"

"Get out."

...

Much to Mat's displeasure, he had to force himself to get used to Craig, now that he knew about the barbeque. Every day at exactly the same time, Craig walked into the Coffee Spoon, ordered an Iced Teagan and Sara and left in a span of 5 minutes. If there was any silver lining, it was that he was consistent. This gave Mat some kind of courage to actually talk to the man and get to know him beyond his meat head exterior. At first, their chatter was basic; how the weather treated them and all that nonsense. It didn't bother him too much, but as the days went on he started to understand Craig as a pretty decent and kind of funny person. Naturally, he found himself getting embarrassed that he was starting to come off as the most boring person on the face of the planet with his shallow questions. So Mat took to writing down conversation topics on a small notepad he had hidden behind the cash register to refer to when the two made contact. It helped calm his nerves and Craig seemed willing to talk about anything Mat brought up anyway, so it was a win win situation.

 _Agreeable. Maybe even to a fault? I'm not sure yet._ It was early Friday afternoon and Mat had been sitting in the back room of the Coffee Spoon for about 10 minutes now. It was relatively quiet, though every now and again he could hear Pablo scream out an order. The kid was good at screaming and Mat had figured he could use some time alone with running the front without Mat watching his every move. Hunching over his notepad, he was contemplating his newest set of notes. It consisted of a list, titled "Craig Characteristics" and it contained bullet points of the following:

 _Fitness Guy_  
_Daughter named River (5 out of 10 for creativity)_  
_Not Vegan_  
_Californian_

Okay, so the list wasn't long but Mat chalked that up to their conversations lasting only a minute or so. But that put a question to mind; should he spend more time with Craig? The man was local so it shouldn't be too hard to find him outside of the shop. But was there really anything to be gained in the first place? Craig was turning out to be a nice guy, but Mat had only gotten used to a few minutes in just one week. What would a full fledged conversation be like with him? Did he want to have a conversation with him that extended beyond small talk and that involved real life bonding?

For all intents and purposes, the man was just another customer so there really was no reason for Mat to even be thinking this long about him. But, he did interrupt Mat's routine and according to Joseph was now part of the neighborhood. That much had been established. So it stood to reason that Mat would try to integrate him as much as possible to normalize the situation again. Admittedly, the logistics of his plan were still in the works.

He wrote a note to talk it out with Carmensita when he got the chance, collected his things and got back to work.

Later that night found him on his usual walk home. Sometimes if he was too lazy, he'd drive to work. But most times he liked the quiet atmosphere of the early morning and evening. He made it home at 9 PM and walked into the living room only to find Carmensita curled up on the couch. She was busy watching a channel that seemed oddly familiar yet incredibly obnoxious.

"Hey, Sweetheart. What is it this time?" He asked, taking a heavy seat next to his daughter on the couch. Carmensita kept her eyes on the tv, shrugging.

"Something about haunted truckers. I dunno." The two watched in silence for a moment before Mat steered into a conversation.

"How was school?"

Carmensita shrugged again. "It was alright. Hung out with Daisy like usual. Girl really likes her books. I'm confident she'll be the first female president."

Mat chuckled. "You don't have the same ambitions for yourself?"

"I'm aware of my limitations, Dad. I don't have the gusto."

"Right." He hesitated. "So … I've been talking to Craig a lot. The new guy at the Coffee Spoon."

"Really?" She looked up at him, understanding what her dad meant by 'a lot'. "Have you passed the one hour mark yet?"

"No, not yet. Give me another month."

"I'm proud of you Dad."

"Thanks, Sweetie."

"So we're still going to the barbecue." She said this as more of a statement than anything and Mat instantly flinched.

"....Do we have to?"

"Dad come on!" This time she turned off the television and jumped off the couch. She stood in front of Mat, hands on her hips. "You do this every time we have to meet someone new."

"Yeah but -"

"And every time you end up liking them."

"Carmensita, you should have seen him," he said, sighing. "This guy was absolutely ripped. I've never seen someone so dedicated to the art of muscles and actually be nice about it. I'm intimidated."

"He seems like a good guy. Why should you be intimidated?"

"Because I'm one chromosome away from being an actual potato."

Carmensita blinked, taking a minute to soak his answer in before giggling. He smiled, laughing with her. If anything could calm his anxiety, it was her happiness. Even just for a moment. "I think you should get to know him." Caremensita dropped her arms down to her sides, keeping her stance in front of him. "Maybe you guys will be best friends."

He snorted. "You were just as confident that Robert and I would be best friends. You never apologized for making me put myself out like that only to get utterly humiliated."

"Eh, hindsight is 20/20."

"Of course." Checking his watch, Mat was surprised by how fast time seemed to pass these days. "C'mon kiddo, I need you in bed. Tomorrow we gotta get up early for the barbecue." Carmensita frowned.

"But dad, the episode wasn't finished yet!"

He raised an eyebrow at her, smiling and gesturing at the television. "You can't honestly say you were invested in whatever the hell that was, are you?"

She thought for a moment. "I guess not." Just as quickly as the sentence had left her mouth, she scurried off to her room, slamming the door. Taking a moment to stretch, Mat spent time cleaning up around the living room, throwing away junk food wrappers and folding blankets that were no doubt the work of Carmensita. Satisfied, he approached the door to her room and knocked. "I'm ready!" he could hear her call from inside. Walking in, Carmensita was already in bed, a sleepy smile on her face. On her lap was a worn book, laying open with a bookmark already in place.

"You sure you still want me to keep reading you to sleep?" he asked teasingly, sitting on the edge of her bed. "I know for a fact you can read all this on your own."

"Yeah, but I like hearing you read it to me and it's only until you finish the series," she replied. Smiling, he picked up the book and began to read. It was a fantasy novel, about a young boy who discovered he was part of a magical world. This particular book described how the boy competed against others like him for a grand prize. Predictably, when Mat finished reading that nights chapter, Carmensita was out like a light and had rolled over to get more comfortable. Getting up gently so as to not disturb her, he replaced the book on a shelf next to its sequels and returned to her side once more. Giving her one last look of fatherly love, he leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Good night, Pumpkin."

Walking into his own room, Mat collapsed onto his bed and sighed. Like always, his body ached from standing around and talking to people all day. But this night was different. He didn't let himself decompress under the sweet silence that surrounded him. Instead, his mind was preoccupied with the events of the last couple of days. How that man walked into his coffee shop and disrupted the familiar vibe. How he had the exterior of someone who could break Mat in half but could charm the pants off of anyone he wanted. He was friendly and warm and genuinely wanted to get to know Mat.

"Why though ..." Mat breathed quietly. "Why does he want to get to know _me_?" It wasn't true that Mat knew Craig's socialization habits. All he experienced was when Craig came into the Coffee Spoon. When he did, Craig seemed only interested in talking to Mat. Every once in a while some else would try to strike up a conversation with Craig and he appeared to oblige. But those conversations ended very quickly. Craig just didn't seem to put effort into them like he did when he spoke to Mat. He wasn't sure if he was looking too deeply into it in the hopes of feeling special. It was entirely possible that Mat was just wildly incorrect. He would have to sleep on it to be sure.

"Man …" he said to himself, getting up to properly put on his pajamas. "It's been a hell of a week." Settling back into bed, he placed his glasses on the nightstand beside his bed, clicked off the light and slowly sunk into a peaceful rest.


	2. Acquaintances

Mat didn't feel nearly as rested as he hoped when 8 AM rolled around. Laying in bed after he shut off his alarm, he sighed. He respected Joseph, but no matter how many barbecues he forced himself to go to, Mat couldn't seem to actually enjoy them. Sometimes it struck him as odd because it was only people that he knew that would be there. The same people he had developed friendships with and in theory, should have been comfortable around. Yet, there was always a point in the day where he felt like he had enough socialization and needed to retreat back home. It was that feeling he dreaded without fail and just like before, he'd have to experience it around a new person.

“Fuck me …” he muttered under his breath, staring up at the ceiling.

“And you get mad at _me_ for saying 'bastard' every now and again” came Carmensita's voice. He sat up quickly, narrowing his eyes at his bedroom door. It slowly opened, revealing his daughter leaning on the door frame and chuckling like she was a plot twist.

“You didn't hear that.” He said, pointing a warning finger. She mimed zipping her mouth shut. “How long were you standing there?”

“Long enough for you to forgive me,” she said with a smile. He frowned.

“Fine. But just this once” he said, too tired to argue. Shooing her out of his room, he closed the door and reluctantly started to get ready. Tidying up his bedroom just enough so that he wouldn't stumble over anything when he returned, he eventually made his way into the bathroom. No matter what he did, he always woke up with stiff muscles and joints that would sometimes be intense enough to cause actual pain. He wanted to chalk it up to his job or getting older, but he knew deep down inside it was a result of all the stress and anxiety he collected while he was out and about. As far as he was concerned, there wasn't any permanent fix. That was where his daily showers helped, the hot water soothing him physically and mentally to where he felt he could continue on with his day. He wouldn't admit it, but he was why their water bill was so high.

After a much needed 30 minute shower, he eventually made himself get out and with a towel wrapped around his waist, debated on what to wear. He wanted to make a good impression, but he didn't want to show off. But he also didn't want to wear the same clothes he did on a regular basis. Speaking of which, he wasn't sure if the smell of coffee actually stuck to his clothes no matter how often he washed them, or if the people who pointed it out were just trying to make him self-conscious.

 _Is the smell of coffee bad?_ He thought, anxiously pulling his favorite jacket from the closet and giving it a good sniff. He got hints of denim and a bit of his usual cologne but the notorious coffee smell was nowhere to be found. Frowning, he quickly decided that maybe there actually was coffee oozing from his clothes, but that he was around it so much that he couldn't smell it anymore. Surely a smell as distinct as the old bean juice couldn't leave his memories? But, what if it did?

Trying to leave that mornings crisis in the back of his mind, Mat got dressed in one of his usual outfits, spent a few minutes trying to find his glasses (they were in the hamper for some reason) and finally made his way to the dining area. Carmensita was sat at the table, a half empty bowl of cereal pushed off to the side and a slew of papers spread out in front of her. She was sat back in her chair, focused intently on her phone.

“Who are you texting?” he asked, making his way to the refrigerator. That morning he was going to spend making fresh banana bread for the barbecue, just as he had always done. But he liked to think every time he made it, it tasted just a little different as he was trying to perfect the recipe. Carmensita huffed.

“Dad, just because I'm on my phone doesn't mean I'm texting. There's a lot of other things I could be wasting my time on.”

“Okay, so what are you doing?”

“Texting Ernest.” Mat perked up, unable to stop himself from making a face. He turned to look at her.

“Ernest? Why?”

“Because I wanted to and I have his number. Am I not allowed to have boys as friends?”

“Not if it means a drug deal is happening right now in my own kitchen.”

“Dad relax, he doesn't sell anything.”

“How do you-”

“We're just talking about what the new kids are gonna be like.” Mat sighed, making a mental note to talk to Hugo later that day. Putting the last few ingredients on the countertop and pre heating the oven, he began rummaging through cabinets for a mixing bowl.

“New kids, huh?” he asked, knowing she was going to tell him about it, whether or not she was prompted.

“Yeah, so get this: apparently Lucien's dad ran into Mr. Craig while he was out at the park. He found out Mr. Craig has kids he's gonna be enrolling at our school next week. Lucien gets wind of it, mentions it to Ernest and then Ernest texted me about it this morning.” Her phone went off again with a 'ding!' and she resumed reading and sending messages. “So like I said, we're debating on the new kids. Lucien suggested making it a bet, but I dunno ...”

“How many kids do you think he's got?” Mat asked, purposefully ignoring the bit about how the neighborhood children seemed to be starting an underground gambling ring. Some things just weren't meant to be investigated by an outsider.

“I think he's got 5 kids.” She answered without hesitation, obviously having thought about it for a while. “One kid for each weekday.”

Mat snorted. “You don't think that's an excessive amount?”

“I read in a book somewhere that people used to have a ton of kids because no one survived past childbirth. So I don't think it's that weird.”

“You're not wrong ...” Busying himself with the recipe at hand, Mat went into quiet contemplation. It didn't really matter how many kids Craig had, but the actual amount was interesting to guess. It also brought up the subject of a possible partner. The question was what his relation was to his children's birth parent. Were they together, or was he always a single parent? Was he divorced, or was it a death? Mat didn't know him enough to know what his romantic life was like, so all he could do was guess. That brought more questions to the forefront, like what was his sexuality, if not straight? Did he even like being called 'he', or was there a preference there as well?

Whatever the answers were, he supposed he would find out eventually. Opening a window or two, knowing full well if he didn't then the house would smell like bananas for a month, Mat got busy with baking. Maybe this time it would be perfect.

...

It was about noon when Mat and Carmensita stepped into the Christiansen's backyard. Decorations were simple; a barbecue off to the side, a large snack table that was currently being occupied by Hugo and Damien and a cozy sitting area in which Robert and Brian were having a boisterous conversation. He didn't spot Joseph around and assumed he was inside taking care of Crish. He didn't see Craig either, assuming he hadn't arrived yet. Groups of the neighborhood kids were scattered about as well, keeping their distance from parents. Mary, on the other hand, was lounging about, making her rounds at each group with a glass of wine in her hands.

“Hey, Carmensita!” Daisy waved from across the yard, Carmensita returning the gesture happily before the pair met halfway across the yard for a hug. Mat tuned out their conversation, figuring he wasn't needed anymore and headed for the snack table. As he got closer, he caught Damien and Hugo in the middle of a conversation.

“... do you house in your library?” Hugo asked Damien.

“Oh you know, the usual,” Damien responded, though his cheeks turned a noticeable shade of red. “Vintage Victorian collections, apothecary manuals, all kinds of typeface specimen. I also have room for my more ah … personal collections. Though I would rather not delve into those details so freely. I'm sure you understand.” Hugo nodded, an unsure smile on his face. Noticing Mat as he made room for his banana bread on the table, Damien quickly shifted the attention onto him. “Ah! Mat my good friend. It's so wonderful to see you this lovely afternoon!”

Hugo turned around, surprised he hadn't noticed Mat behind him. “Oh hello Mat! Happy to see you make it!”

“It's good to see you both too” Mat replied, taking a deep breath. He took note of the time when he entered the party and continued. “How have you been?”

“I've been as well as I could with my students. With summer break coming up in a couple months though, they've all become increasingly more restless.” Hugo sighed gruffly. “I don't know how much longer I can keep them in their seats.” Damien offered him a look of sympathy, patting him gently on the shoulder.

“Educators don't receive nearly as much credit as they should.”

“Or ibuprofen.”

“Would it do you well to know there hasn't been a major incident caused by Lucien and Ernest yet?”

“I don't trust how quiet they've been, but yes I suppose that does help me a little...”

“Actually, about that ...” Mat interjected almost hesitantly. The other two men looked at him with faces that said 'here we go again'. “I don't want to alarm you or anything, but I was told the kids were making a bet about the new guy. My guess is they're going to be using real money. Money that I can only assume they didn't earn.” He knew, just like all the other dads, that Damien and Hugo tried their best with raising their kids. But Mat just silently prayed they weren't going to influence Carmensita anytime soon. She was already at that point where she wanted to be a little more expressive in her interests and the last thing he needed was a kid who wanted to “experiment”.

“I wasn't aware of that ...” Hugo sighed. “But I'm not surprised.”

“Perhaps we should inquire the children about it later tonight ...” Damien said. “Let's not dampen the mood for the celebration, after all.” He eyed Lucien who was chatting with Ernest across the yard. The two had their backs to the rest of the party, Damien knowing it was intentional.

“Speaking of which, where's Craig?” Mat asked, checking his watch. It had already been about 20 minutes since he had arrived. “The party's been going on for what, 45 minutes already?”

“He's been here,” Hugo said with a half chuckle, gesturing towards Joseph's house. “We both got here at relatively the same time. But a few minutes into talking, he got a phone call and excused himself. Joseph said he could go inside the house for a bit of privacy.”

“We haven't seen him come out since,” Damien added. “I, of course, arrived just after the incident. Hugo has been telling me all about him of course.”

“Is he … interesting?” Mat asked carefully, hoping he didn't sound like he was opposed to the idea that Craig had the capacity of being interesting. Damien looked at Hugo as well, waiting for an answer. Hugo thought for a moment.

“He certainly _looks_ interesting...” He finally said. “But he doesn't seem to like talking all that much.”

“Really?” Mat blinked, a little confused at this point. Every time Craig came to the Coffee Spoon, he always made it a point to have some length of conversation with Mat. He didn't feel like he was the kind of person someone would go to for an engaging conversation, yet Craig didn't seem to want to talk to anyone else. “Wait,” Mat said, something clicking in his mind. “I thought you met him before, Damien?”

Damien sighed. “Indeed it's true, I've had the pleasure of running into him just the other day. But ...” His face fell into a look of disappointment. “I can confirm Hugo's statement. Our newest neighbor doesn't seem at all like a talker. I practically had to drag any kind of conversation out of him. I can't say I'm offended though. The man must simply be shy.”

“It would be an easy explanation for why he hasn't come back yet” Hugo added. “Or why no one else here has met him. It's almost like he's a ghost.”

“Let's not judge” Damien stated. “He's new here. We mustn't let him feel pressured into being more social than what is comfortable.” He gestured towards Mat. “I'm sure you can understand.” Mat nodded, letting his almost worried face fall into content. He could feel his shoulders loosen just a bit, dropping in a less strained position and he allowed himself to slouch just a tad. He was finally getting more comfortable.

“Ah, if you don't mind ...” Mat said. “I'm gonna mingle around...say hello and all that.”

“Of course! Enjoy yourself” Hugo smiled. Damien bowed a goodbye and, with a slight nod, Mat broke away from the group. He wasn't exactly sure where he was going; if anything he was compelled to find out exactly where Craig had gone. Was it possible that he was really still inside the house, or had he just used that excuse as a diversion to ditch the party?

“Mat!” He stopped, turning his head towards the voice. Joseph had finally stepped out of the house, smiling at him. A few steps behind him was Craig, whose face looked concerned up until he spotted Mat as well, immediately perking up. Mat met them halfway.

“Hey” he replied, walking into a hug with Joseph.

“I'm so happy you could make it!” Joseph said, his voice partially muffled by Mat's shoulder. He pulled away, gesturing towards Craig who stood close behind. “I'm sure you know Craig very well by now.” Mat and Craig shared acknowledging nods.

“It's nice to –” In the middle of his sentence, Mat was suddenly embraced, Craig pulling him into a tight, almost breath taking, squeeze. It was a not so gentle reminder that Craig did, in fact, work out. 

_Okay, I guess this is happening now._

He tensed back up, reluctantly letting himself hug the man back. It only lasted a few seconds before Craig pulled away, Mat breathing out sharply as his personal space was given back to him. He had to get used to that from Craig.

“It's good to see you again, bro!” Craig said, his smile almost as bright as Joseph's. It was slightly off putting. “I was starting to think we'd never have a proper get-together.”

“Well, it would have been very hard not to meet up again ...” Mat replied, shrugging to try and get his shoulders to relax again. “We're next door neighbors now after all.”

“No kidding?” Craig looked to be in awe. “I didn't even realize!”

“Really?” Mat had to laugh a little, somewhat shocked that such a huge detail was overlooked by someone who seemed to have his life together down to the minute.

“From what I understand, you do hail from California” Joseph offered. “I can't imagine you took the time to get to know all your neighbors there.”

“You're not wrong, bro,” Craig said. “Life just gets so busy and next thing you know you forget you're surrounded by other people. But hey, that's pretty neat, bro! I guess this town is a lot smaller than I thought.”

“I like to consider it a tight knit family,” Joseph said proudly. “Some people don't appreciate the feeling of everyone knowing everything that goes on around them, but I think it creates a sense of community and builds up a responsibility to look out for each other in times of need.”

“I can't say I'm mad,” Craig said, taking a moment to look around. “Really is the complete opposite of California.”

“It eventually grows on you if you stay long enough” Mat added. “You can still find privacy too if you need it.”

“Oh yes, we honor one's personal space as much as possible” Joseph agreed. “We want everyone to feel safe and able to express any concerns they may have without fear of rejection. It's a policy I myself uphold with the church youth.”

Craig thought quietly for a moment. “Then it's true; no town is without its secrets.”

“That's … quite ominous, but I suppose I can't refute it” Joseph seemed thrown off by the odd comment, but bounced back quickly. “Well, if you'll excuse me, I must find my wonderful wife. I'll leave you two to get to know each other a bit better. Please, enjoy yourselves ~” Giving Craig one last 'welcome to the neighborhood' handshake, Joseph went on yet another hunt for his wife, who seemed to have disappeared. Left alone together, Craig's full attention was now on Mat. It was just like at the Coffee Spoon, except neither had things to do and Mat didn't have his list of topics to refer to or a countertop to hide behind.

 _This is fine_ he thought, lying to himself.

“How long have you lived here?” Craig mercifully started.

“I guess a couple years now,” Mat thought, trying to remember the exact time. “Time tends to pass differently here than in a city, so it's hard to remember exact time frames.” He paused. “What made you move from the city to a small town?”

“It just felt like the right thing to do” It was a generic answer, so Craig elaborated. “A lot happens at once in the city. Sometimes it's hard to keep track and eventually you forget why you're even doing it ...” he trailed off, going into thought. Mat gave him time to return to the conversation. “But uh, I mean as someone who only grew up in the city, a town seems like the perfect place to start exploring different things.”

“What do you think you'll find?”

“I dunno. Something exciting I hope.”

“We're not that exciting.” Mat said flatly. “The most entertainment we get is whatever the hell illegal thing the neighborhood kids try and horribly fail to pull off.” Craig chuckled and Mat could feel himself relax once more.

"Sounds like I picked the perfect place, then."

...

The rest of the afternoon passed by with relative ease. Craig seemed glued to Mat's hip, following him around as if he was afraid to wander on his own. Again, Mat noticed how quiet Craig became around others. But in this situation, Craig knew these were his neighbors, so he put more effort into making light chatter. It was nothing compared to how much he wanted to talk to Mat though. Even if the conversation faltered, Craig seemed to pull another topic out of nowhere and kept it going.

Even with all his efforts, however, Mat could soon feel that familiar ache in his body and knew it was time to depart. At that moment, he found himself sitting at the patio table with Robert, Mary and of course Craig.

“Listen, forget the cat” Robert growled, pointing a finger at Mat. “What you need is a dog. They're sturdy and loyal. Cats are just straight up little shits who don't give a damn. You think a cat would survive a night of cryptid hunting? Nah. You just need to find yourself a decent hound and you and I can hunt secrets and cryptids together.”

“I know you've always wanted a cat” Mary interjected, taking a swing of her wine. “Let me tell you right now, we have the cutest little kittens at the shelter. They were brought over after being rescued from a hoarder. Just come by and take one look at their eyes and you'll instantly fall in love.”

“I don't know,” Mat said, knowing full well he was desperate to adopt a cat. “I just don't think Carmensita and I are ready for that kind of responsibility.”

“I think you're just afraid to love another creature” Mary snorted. “As long as you're a good person, animals will love you unconditionally.”

“What says you?” Robert directed the question at Craig, who was caught off guard. “Cat or dog?” Craig thought deeply about the choices. He eventually straightened up and shrugged happily.

“I like both” he replied, sporting that strange smile again. “I couldn't choose, though I guess hypothetically if I had to end up with one, it would have to be an 'in the moment' kind of thing.” Mary and Robert both groaned simultaneously.

“Boner killer” Mary muttered, finishing her drink. Noticing this fact, she got up and sauntered her way back inside the house to refill her glass for the umpteenth time.

“I need a smoke” Robert sighed. Pulling out a pack of cigarettes from his coat, he stood up and made his way to the front of the house. Mat sighed and took the moment to check the time. It was almost 7 PM; 7 hours he had spent in a social setting. That seemed to be enough for him.

“Hey, listen,” he said, grabbing Craig's attention again. “I'm pretty drained, so I'm gonna head out.”

“Are you sure?” Craig asked, furrowing his brow.

“Mmm.”

“Alright. But hey, we should do something together sometime!”

“Like what?” Mat blinked, his heart skipping a beat. They were still acquaintances in his mind, but they did seem to get along quite well. Still, it made him just a touch nervous.

Craig shrugged. “I was thinking maybe hang out at the park? My girls are gonna be here next week and maybe they could get to know your daughter? I'm sure they'll get along.” He quickly added. “I just want them to have at least one friend before they dive into a whole new school.”

 _Oh. Well, that's not so bad_ Mat thought, smiling at the idea that their get together was strictly for the kids. He had almost expected Craig would ask him to go jogging or some other kind of torturous physical activity. While Mat could probably keep up with him if he put in the effort, it would result in him missing work for the next 3 days while he regained feeling in his entire body. “Yeah sure, why not.” he agreed. “We can figure out the details later.”

“That sounds good. See you around?”

“See you around.” This time fully prepared, Mat offered him a quick goodbye hug and, after making his rounds and saying goodbye to everyone else, he made his way back to the sidewalk and on his way home. Carmensita followed closely behind him, holding back a bit of a yawn. The atmosphere felt different when they walked at night. It was much quieter and energizing. Fiddling with a pair of earbuds in his pocket, Mat sighed contently.

“Sounds like you had a good time” Carmensita observed, her phone away in her pocket. Walks with her dad were always reflective, neither of them distracted. It was a time to ground each other back to the present moment.

“It was fun. But I don't think I can be that social again for the next couple of days” he answered.

“Fair enough. How do you feel about Mr. Craig?”

“I think he's a good guy. A little clingy, but … nice.”

“Will I get to meet his kids next week?”

“I already said yes to him, didn't I?”

“Sometimes you bail at the last second.”

Mat paused. “...I don't think I will this time.” The two stepped up to their front door, Mat fishing through his pockets for the keys. Carmensita beamed up at him.

“So you're giving him a chance?” she asked. He met her eyes as he unlocked the door and took a moment to contemplate the meaning behind her words and about all he knew of Craig; the man who now lived just one house over.

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had hoped to publish this chapter sooner, but I just started university and haven't had much free time in between assignments. But it's here and I hope you all enjoy it. I also wanted to say thank you to everyone who enjoyed chapter one and who left comments. They were very nice and I appreciate all of them. I'll try to get chapter three up sooner than this one, but I guess we'll see. Thank you again <3


	3. Everything

“Hello?”

“Hey Craig, it's Ashley. Are you busy?”

“No, what's up?”

“I want to talk to you about next week.”

Craig sat down on a rather comfortable couch in the living room of the Christiansen's household. It was the day of his first neighborhood barbecue and he had just arrived only a few minutes prior when he was interrupted by a phone call. He felt bad leaving Hugo and Joseph in the middle of their conversation, but ignoring his phone would cause problems down the line. This was especially true when on the other end of the phone call was his ex wife, Ashley.

As soon as his phone started to ring, Joseph ushered him into their house for privacy and left Craig there to finish his business while he himself disappeared upstairs. Taking a moment to look around, Craig wondered what kind of salary the Christiansen’s received to afford such an expensive looking home.

“Alright, I'm listening” he replied, not being able to truly relax on the couch. It almost felt like he was being watched, despite being completely alone.

“What time are you coming to pick up the girls?” Ashley asked, getting straight to the business aspect of the phone call.

“At 8 AM on Wednesday.” Craig answered, frowning. He hated how often she spoke to him like this, now that they were separated. He knew she didn't mean to sound robotic, it was just how she dealt with stressful and unpleasant situations. But after the first few weeks, he dreaded having to hear it again.

“Did you get their class schedule?”

“I got it yesterday, yeah.”

“Do you have their supplies list?”

“Mhmm.”

“Do you have the school address?”

“Yup.”

“Am I boring you?”

Craig frowned. “No, but you've already asked me these questions.”

“I just want to be sure you have everything ready.” Ashley said defensively, huffing. “I don't want my girls to fall behind.”

“They won't. Everything is going to be fine.”

“I want them to have a normal childhood.”

“I know, Ash.”

“I don’t want them to feel like everything’s different now.”

“I know.”

Ashley sighed, taking a moment. “I'm sorry Craig. You know I really trust you to take care of them. I just … are you sure you can do everything on your own? I can take them to school the first week if you still need time to settle in to your new place. I can even pick them up from school, my afternoons are free.”

Craig laughed slightly. “I'll be fine. Now that I've got my end all figured out, I can take the work load. River might be a little more tricky, but it should be fine.” There was a pause on the other end of the line, worrying him. “Ash?”

“Actually, I think I want to keep River here. For now.”

His heart dropped. “What do you mean?” he asked, careful to keep his voice level. Ashley sighed.

“She's only a few months old. I don't want her to have to go through the stress of traveling back and forth every week. Not to mention the traveling she already is doing is messing up her sleep schedule. We were just able to get her to sleep through the night, but since we moved, she won't stay down for more than an hour. It's just not something else I want disrupted.”

“We can figure something out” he insisted gently. “I mean if she grows up without me ...”

“It would only be for a few months. At least until she's a year old. The twins will be fine, but I'm River's mother and I have the most time to take care of her.”

“I’m her father.”

“You just said yourself it was going to be tricky. I’ve already figured out a routine with her here and she likes it this way.”

“I can make as much time as I need.” He could feel a headache coming on and he let out a little too loud of a strained sigh.

“I know what’s best for her right now.” Ashley said curtly, picking up on his stress.

“Ash, you’re not even giving me a chance to take care of her. I haven’t seen her in 2 weeks.”

“Don’t pretend like I barred you from seeing her.” Ashley’s voice began to raise, speaking sharply as if she was scolding a child. “You’ve been busy with moving that you didn’t give yourself time. I'm starting to think it’s a bad idea to even let you have the twins.” Craig could tell he was hitting a wall. Rubbing his temple, he closed his eyes and tried to come up with something to say that wouldn’t entirely set her off. Realizing he couldn’t come up with anything, he hoped he could keep it together after the conversation was over.

“I don’t want to fight, Ashley. Okay? If keeping River is going to make you happy, fine.”

“You make it sound like I’m just using my kids -”

“That’s exactly what you’re doing.”

Ashley gasped sharply. "Excuse me?!"

"You heard me. You enjoy using my kids against me, don't you? It makes you feel invincible."

“How dare you! I would never!”

“Then let me be a father!” Craig didn’t like yelling. He didn’t like that ugly feeling of desperately trying to be heard. Ashley went quiet on the other end, but he knew she hadn’t hung up yet. He made one last attempt to come to a resolution. “I just want to take care of my family.”

“Oh please, if you really wanted to take care of your family, we wouldn’t have had a divorce.” There it was; the winning knock out punch. Craig stiffened up, his free hand gripping the fabric of his pants in a tight, shaking grip.

“Ashley, don't ...”

“The twins will be here for you to pick up, but I’m keeping River. Don’t even pretend like you love her, because I know damn well that you don’t. You even admitted to me that River was just to ‘buy you time’, whatever the fuck that means. But please, keep lecturing me on how you’re a ‘good father.’ I’m curious, you lying, cheating -”

Craig hung up the phone, put it on silent and placed it back in his pocket. He could feel his heart beating heavily against his ribs, as if his chest was suddenly too small. Hands shaking, he bent over and lay his forehead against his knees. He felt sick and if he wasn’t careful, he was going to puke all over this nice couch that probably cost more than the house that surrounded it.

“The bathroom’s upstairs.” He blinked, sitting up carefully. He could have sworn he was alone, but as he searched around, his eyes fell on Joseph’s eldest son standing by the kitchen doorway. Craig was introduced to the family when he walked in earlier, so he should have remembered their names.

“...Chris, right?” he asked, his voice cracking only slightly from trying to stay level. Chris nodded, most of his body hidden behind the doorway. He watched Craig with an expression he couldn’t place.

“The bathroom’s upstairs.” Chris repeated, pointing up at the ceiling. "If you need to cry." Without waiting for a response, he disappeared back into the kitchen, leaving Craig truly alone. He sat for a moment, debating on what to do. He wasn’t okay and he needed to be in a private space. The bathroom was a decent idea, but if anything, he really would have just preferred to go home …

His thoughts were interrupted by footsteps coming down the stairs. Looking over, he watched Joseph come down, whistling underneath his breath. Spotting Craig still sat where he left him, Joseph smiled and approached him. “Craig! How are things?” he asked.

“Uh … Pretty great!” Craig lied, trying to match his enthusiasm. “Actually um … something came up and I have to go. Right now.”

“R-Right now?” Joseph was taken aback, putting a hand to his chest. “But you just got here. Is everything alright? Was it your phone call?”

“Yeah no, everything is good and fine. I just … I have to …” He faltered, not sure what to say. Joseph was a stranger so he didn’t feel comfortable divulging his life story to the man. But he was also kind enough to welcome him into the neighborhood and offer his expensive as all hell home when he needed privacy. He had even brought him vegan chocolate chip cookies the first night Craig had moved into his new home, even if he wasn’t actually vegan. He couldn’t bring himself to lie. Joseph watched him, confused for a minute before he seemed to come to a realization.

“Ah! I understand!” he declared, pleased with himself.

“You … you do?” Craig asked. Joseph nodded, taking a seat next to Craig on the couch.

“Of course! Don’t worry, you’re in excellent hands.”

Craig blinked. “I don’t -”

“Okay, here we go. Ready?” Joseph closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, exhaling at the same pace and encouraged Craig to to the same. He reluctantly followed along and it took a few exhales for him to realize that Joseph was leading him through some kind of meditative breathing exercise. Craig had never done this before, so it scared him how much it had actually helped. His heart stopped thumping madly, his body relaxed and he could feel his mind reset into a state of near clarity. It was strange how much breathing a certain way changed things. Opening his eyes, he was met by a smiling Joseph. “How was that?” he asked, his voice quiet.

“It was nice …” Craig replied, chuckling a little. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome!” Joseph looked proud of himself. “You’re not the first one to give me that kind of look. Of course, I’ll keep it between us so don’t worry.”

“I appreciate that …”

“Excellent! Now, shall we head back to the party or did you still want to take off?” Joseph stood up, staring down at Craig gently. “It’s entirely up to you, but I will say it would be quite sad to have you leave so soon.”

“I dunno” Craig rubbed the back of his neck, nervousness creeping up inside him again. “I don’t do well with strangers. The only person I really know is Mat …” He paused. “Is he here?”

“I would imagine so!” Joseph answered thoughtfully. “Would you like to look for him?”

“...Yeah.”

Joseph gestured towards the backyard. “Alright, come along then.”

...

He wasn’t sure how it happened, but the rest of the week went by in a blur of activity. Everything meshed together in a series of moments he only vaguely remembered doing in a particular order. It had been like this ever since he had handed Ashley the divorce papers. Or maybe it had always been like this and the divorce just exacerbated it; he wasn’t sure. Some weeks were better than others and he could maintain a fairly okay mood. Others … well, he didn't like to talk about the others. If there was any constant in his life, it was going to the Coffee Spoon every morning, ordering tea and chatting with Mat. He supposed that was why he became attached to the man so quickly. Even on the day they first met, he could tell that Mat had a sense of steadiness to him that Craig lacked in himself. It wasn’t boring or mundane, but rather incredibly grounded in reality, acting like an anchor of sorts for him. Every time he saw his face, Craig knew that whatever followed would be genuine.

It had taken some fiddling, due to the twins starting school that week and settling into the neighborhood, but Craig and Mat managed to find a day they could meet up and spend time at the park. Since they lived right next door to each other, they had agreed to simply walk to the park together, saving up on gas money and making it at least a little healthy. The morning of, Craig had awoken of his own accord, the world still very much asleep.

He lay in bed for a few moments, eyes searching the ceiling of his room for nothing in particular. The sun was just getting ready to rise and despite having two children in his house, all was quiet and still. These were his favorite moments of the day.

Closing his eyes once more, he focused on his own breathing. It was slow and deep, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. With the silence of the room, the sound of his heartbeat was magnified in his ears and it almost lulled him back into a deep slumber. He had yet to move since he first woke up, so he wasn't entirely aware of how his limbs were positioned. It didn't matter to him though; it was a thrilling feeling to escape what he considered so often to be a prison, if only for a few moments every day.

He wouldn't deny that his body had quickly become the talk of the town the moment he had moved to Maple Bay. After treating it like a toxic wasteland in college, he spent the last few years sculpting himself into a perfect human being. He had gained the respect of gym rats and couldn't go a day without someone trying to get into bed with him, even when he was still married to Ashley. He would decline of course, trying his best to keep attention off of himself with his short responses to questions and awkward fist bumps. Other times, he would use his morning or afternoon runs to keep out of the reach of other people. All that exercise not only distanced himself from people literally, but it also helped bring him closer to his children. Even after going through a bitter divorce, he was able to be involved with his kids lives. He was doing right by everyone he cared for and life was okay.

Down the line however, he realized he had forgotten himself. Committing to a 'busy body' lifestyle, he wasn't sure if it was for himself anymore, or if it was to keep up an image of perfection that he had so carefully built up and was afraid to let go. Even the little things like smiling at someone was met with a twang of guilt. Did he really mean to smile at them, or was it so ingrained in his system that it happened regardless of how he really felt?

When was the last time he felt good enough to smile on his own? He couldn't remember.

Mid thought, his alarm decided enough was enough and started to ring. Letting out one last long sigh, he reached over and, with a heavy hand, shut off the familiar noise. Just as he had done since the day he found out he would be a father, Craig got up and started his daily regimen.

After quickly making his bed, he went into the bathroom and took a speedy, icy cold shower. As soon as the water hit his skin, he perked up and felt energized. The truth was he always preferred warm showers. They were soothing and gentle compared to the icy sting of a cold shower. But his personal comfort had taken a back seat for so many years already that it seemed pointless to go back now. Besides, the cold helped mask any sort of mental drain he was experiencing. He had gotten so good at pretending, he didn't want to ruin a good thing.

Getting dressed, he hesitated. Normally at this point, he would go out on a quick early morning run, maybe head off to the gym and by the time he returned, the girls would be awake and ready for breakfast. But a wave of exhaustion suddenly came over him and all he really wanted to do was stay home. He shook his head, telling himself he had to keep up his regimen. He wasn’t going to fail just because he was having an off morning.

Compromising, he decided just to go for a walk around the cul de sac, maybe circle it a few times and then return home for a power nap if he felt tired. It would be something to get his heart rate going. Grabbing his phone and earbuds, he headed out the door.

He only had to walk down the driveway to notice Mat. He stopped, blinking a few times to really believe that Mat was sitting out on his own front step at 5:30 in the morning. Yet there he was, seemingly in contemplation in his pajamas. Craig wasn’t sure if he should say hello or leave the man to his thinking. It was an odd hour to be out and about after all, so maybe it was frowned upon to disturb someone if you happened upon them. Deciding he would be intruding on his personal space, Craig put his earbuds in and took off in the opposite direction.

...

It would be another two hours before Craig made it back home, still managing to sweat through his shirt even though he only went as fast as a light sprint. Naturally he had passed Mat’s house several times, but he had kept his eyes forward and focused. The two would have time to talk the rest of the day anyway after they had made it to the park.

“Morning Dad” Hazel greeted as Craig walked through the front door. She was still in her pajamas and lay on her stomach in front of the television.

“Morning Pops” Briar crowded the couch, laying almost all the way on her back and her legs spread out wide. Both girls had controllers in their hands, focused intensely on a go kart game they were playing.

“Hey girls” Craig replied, leaving them to their game as he made his way back to his room. Changing into clean clothes after taking a quick shower to wash off all the sweat and grime, he reemerged in the living room. He had only been gone for about 20 minutes, but it seemed the game had dissolved into a fit of rage. Hazel was cackling on the floor, Briar jumping up and down on the couch furiously.

“Cheater!!” Briar accused. “You dirty, stinkin’ cheater!!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault you suck at the game” Hazel managed to say through her giggles.

“Briar, don’t call your sister a cheater” Craig sighed, having a personal vendetta against the word. “Did you girls have breakfast yet?”

“Dad, she really did cheat! She paused the game and threw off my groove!”

“Oh calm down, Kuzco, it was an accident.” Hazel rolled her eyes. “Besides, you caught up to me, didn’t you? Don’t get your panties all in a twist.”

“You still cheated!”

“Girls” Craig used his stern dad voice, finally getting their full attention. “Come on, it’s too early for this. I need you two to get along by the time we go to the park later today.”

“Fine” both girls said in unison.

“And I’m not afraid to take away your games until you learn to play fair, Hazel.” Craig added. Hazel gasped as if she was wounded, Briar snickering at her sister’s downfall. The two eventually reconciled and the rest of the morning went by surprisingly smoothly. Craig spent a bit of time on his online business by sending emails, contacting important people and even hitting the drawing board to jot down some designs. It was pretty small right now, but it survived the trip from California, so he didn’t expect to have much trouble keeping it going.

Eventually it came time to depart, the twins knocking furiously on his office door to let him know they were going to be late. He never doubted they would resist going on this outing with him, but was genuinely surprised at how enthusiastic they had become. It was a new place and new neighbors with kids of their own. He could only assume they had already had the chance to meet Mat’s daughter at school, so it didn’t take much effort to convince them to go. Sending off one last email, he reconvened with them for one last game plan review.

“Alright, what are we bringing?” he asked, all three of them huddled in the hallway.

“Water, healthy snacks, sunscreen…” Hazel rehearsed, checking each item off her fingers.

“Winning attitudes and a willingness to get along, even in the most trying of times” Briar finished. Craig clapped his hands together.

“Alright! Looks like we’ve got the essentials. They should be waiting for us outside by now.” With each girl carrying a backpack of their items, the three stepped out of the house. Craig smiled when he saw Mat and Carmensita standing out in front of his driveway, ready to go. Mat was holding a medium sized picnic basket in one hand, while Carmensita was in charge of carrying a rolled up blanket.

“Hey bro and little bro!” Craig greeted happily, walking up to them. “Ready to hit the park?”

“Super ready!” Carmensita replied enthusiastically. Craig definitely liked her energy.

“Let’s do it” Mat said with a little less enthusiasm, but still with recognizable excitement. Craig couldn’t help but think about how cool Mat sounded. After making one last check to see that they had everything, all five set off on their walk.

…

It took longer than if they had traveled by car, but eventually the group made it to the vast fields of Maple Bay park. One section had play sets for most of the younger children, all three girls seemingly having outgrown it already. The other section was a field of endless greenery, saved mostly for lounging. This was where they were headed. There were trees sprinkled about, but that seemed to be their only company. The sky went on forever, meeting the horizon in a crisp split of blue and green. In a simple way, it reminded Craig of countless hiking trails he used to explore during his college years. It was just him, his friends and the wilderness. Most of his trips were solo adventures and as he briefly reminisced, he felt an ache in his heart. He had forgotten how much he missed that freedom and solitude.

“Do you come here often?” Craig asked, continuing conversation in a new direction. He wasn’t sure if Mat really liked how often he changed subjects to keep it from getting too quiet for too long. So far, there were no complaints.

“I would say so, yeah” Mat said, looking down at Carmensita for confirmation. She nodded, adjusting her grip on the blanket.

“I get tired of looking at the walls of my room, so I really try to get a lot out of nature.” She nodded towards her dad. “He likes it because it’s quiet.”

“So, what do you do?” Craig asked. He thought the question was fair because there really didn't seem to be much around.

“We usually just pick a spot and sit” Mat said, his tone careful. “Or I do at least. Carmensita does her own thing.”

“It’s not boring.” Carmensita added quickly, shooting Craig a look. He held up a hand in defense.

“Oh, I wasn’t ...” he faltered through a nervous smile. Her statement seemed rehearsed and he quietly wondered if she had to defend her father’s past times often.

“Dad look!” Craig jumped, almost forgetting he had the twins with him. They had been so quiet for so long during their walk, Craig now hoped they weren’t plotting something. Briar tugged on his shirt, urgently pointing at a tree while Hazel hopped on her toes excitedly. “Look look look!”

“W-What is it?” he asked, everyone else stopping to try and figure out what they were so excited about. Carmensita saw it first, gasping.

“It’s a squirrel!”

“A bunch of squirrels!” Briar squealed.

“Let’s catch them!” Hazel proposed, immediately getting approval from her sister.

“Now girls, I don’t think it’s wise to - never mind.” The twins bolted in the middle of Craig’s sentence, sprinting towards the tree. Carmensita chased after them just as quickly, but not before handing off the blanket to Mat who seemed to have accepted that all this was already in motion. Craig looked at him, trying to hide his nervousness. “Do you think they’ll …?”

“They should be fine” Mat said, looking around a bit. “This looks like a good place to set up.” Putting the picnic basket off to the side, they set out the blanket. It wasn’t too big, allowing only two people to occupy it at a time. Taking the left side while Mat took the right, Craig could feel the fabric slowly warm up from the sun. It was comfortable and he couldn’t stop himself from lying on his back, spread eagle. Mat chuckled, looking down at him.

“Don’t get too comfortable. I don’t think I could carry you all the way back home.”

“S-Sorry” he said, smiling sheepishly as he moved his arms, lacing his fingers over his chest. He watched from his odd angle as Mat got comfortable as well, opting to just sit and lean back on his hands. He quietly watched the girls in the distance, their giggles and playful shrieks carrying in the wind.

 _He looks cute like that._ Craig thought.

“What do you think about?” he asked, hoping the question sounded neutral and innocent. Mat shrugged, keeping his gaze on the girls.

“Depends on the day” he answered. “Sometimes it’s good things. Sometimes it’s shitty things. Sometimes it’s a little of both and most times it’s nothing at all.”

“Poetic” Craig said, making them both chuckle. A beat of silence followed. “So … I saw you this morning, hanging out in front of your house.” He brought up, unsure if it was okay to talk about. He could see Mat frown ever so slightly.

“Yeah, I was …” Mat trailed off. Craig was about to regret bringing it up when he continued. “I was having a tough time sleeping through the night. So I just decided to hang out outside. It doesn’t usually help me get back to sleep, but it’s a good time to clear my thoughts.”

“Was it insomnia?”

Mat looked at him, surprised. “Y-Yeah, something like that …”

“Mmm…” Craig nodded, looking up at the sky above. “I know that feel, bro. I have trouble sleeping too. I mean, it’s not insomnia persay, but I always have a lot going on in my mind. So, I’ve had my fair share of sleepless nights.”

“What do you think about?” Mat asked, throwing the initial question back at him. Craig thought for a moment, wondering if he should tell the truth.

“Everything.” His words hung in the air, both of them accepting it as a personal truth. There wasn’t much else to get from that topic, so the two had moved on to other conversation. It didn’t take long before both were laying on the blanket next to each other, the warmth of Mat’s words as he spoke reminding Craig of how cold he really felt. He wasn’t sure how long they both talked, but there was a point in the middle of conversation when the girls had come back, complaining of hunger. They sat together for a meal, talked about the poor family of squirrels the girls had been tormenting and soon separated again. Laying back down with Craig, Mat seemed to be more comfortable, carrying a lot of the conversation with personal stories of his life and some hobbies. Craig closed his eyes, listening to him tell a story about someone named Rosa before he drifted off to a deep sleep.

...

_He was surrounded by a heavy darkness, pressing against his chest as if wanting to suffocate him. This was a familiar feeling, but not one he wanted to face._

_“Craig …?”_

_He heard something, though he couldn’t quite make it out. Feeling his legs underneath him, he walked through the darkness, reaching out to feel anything._

_“Craig.”_

_There was that voice again, closer this time. Someone was calling him, but he still didn’t know who or where they were. The weight on his chest started to become unbearable and he had to stop to catch his breath. He sunk to the floor, unable to take in anymore air. So this was how it was going to end._

_“Craig!”_

He jolted awake, coming back to reality. Sitting up quickly, Craig opened his mouth to say something when his forehead collided with Mat’s, knocking into him with a painful crack.

“Fuck!” Mat grunted, moving away to roll on the ground in pain. Craig lay back down and clutched his head as he tried blinking the stars away from his vision. He hissed, rubbing at the tender spot on his forehead.

“Are you okay?!” Hazel and Briar stood over Craig, careful not to get too close. “I think you’re bleeding” Hazel said, squinting.

“What?” Craig sat up, slowly this time, and felt his welting skin. Bringing his hand down, there didn’t seem to be anything there. “No, I’m okay.”

“Dad’s okay too” Carmensita said, watching Mat sit back up as well. Craig looked over at him, frowning deeply.

“Sorry about that, bro …” he muttered, guilt written all over his face. Mat smiled back at him, shrugging. Craig could see the faintest patch of blue on Mat’s forehead. He must have been a little more fragile when it came to injury. Carmensita seemed to notice it as well, pulling out a petite pink band aid from her pocket and stuck it on her dad's forehead. He thanked her.

“It’s uh … it’s alright. That’s what I get for trying to shake you awake.”

“Oh, right” Craig felt even more guilty, now that he realized he had fallen asleep in the middle of their outing. He didn’t understand what came over him. He had slept well that night and he hadn’t pushed himself that hard during his daily work out. He ate breakfast and was enjoying the bright, sunny weather. By all accounts, he was alert and present. “I’m sorry bro, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you. How long was I out?”

“About two hours” Mat recalled. “But hey, it’s no problem. This kind of weather does that to you sometimes. I’ve taken lots of midday naps out here.”

“It’s true” Carmensita said, addressing the twins. “If there was a competition for the most naps in a lifetime, my dad would win.”

“Not unless he’s competing against Briar” Hazel said with confidence. “It’s surprising how little she’s actually awake.”

“I’ve perfected the art of sleeping with my eyes open” Briar said. “I could be asleep right now and you wouldn’t even know it.”

Carmensita’s jaw dropped. “That’s not possible!”

“What’s that you’re holding?” Craig interrupted the conversation, pointing at the handfuls of shrubbery each of the girls held.

“Oh this!” Carmensita held hers up to give him a better view. It looked like an assortment of flowers and leaves that were woven together into a ring. “I was teaching Briar and Hazel how to make flower crowns! After a successful lesson, we wanted you and my dad to try them on, but you were asleep. Which is why my dad had to wake you up.” Briar and Hazel held up their own versions of flower crowns, eager for both of them to try it on. “Oh.” Craig looked at Mat, who shrugged with a small smile. “Alright, I’m game.”

It was simple for Carmensita to place her crown on Mat. It was a little more difficult for Craig however, because he had to wear two at the same time. But, they managed to get both of them on without them falling off and all three girls stepped back to admire their handywork.

“What do you think?” Mat asked. Carmensita looked like she was in deep contemplation.

“I like the arrangement, but not so much the colors.” She finally decided. “It’s getting close though! I am determined to find the perfect crown for you."

“I look forward to that” Mat chuckled.

“I think we did a good job” Briar decided, reaching over to adjust both crowns a bit. Hazel nodded and Craig smiled.

“Thanks girls, I feel beautiful.”

“Alright well, as fun as this has been, I think it’s time to head home.” Mat said, standing up. Craig frowned with the girls who had protested weakly, but decided that he was right. The walk home would take a bit long and tomorrow was a school and work day. If any of them wanted any chance of being able to sleep, they would have to head out while there was still daylight. Working together, they collected their items, made sure nothing was left behind and soon made their way to the pavement and started their trek back home.

“So what else did you kids talk about?” Mat asked. He and Craig still sported their flower crowns.

“Just regular kid stuff” Carmensita answered. “Like which of you would survive a zombie apocalypse.”

“What?” Mat and Craig asked simultaneously.

“Our dad would obviously survive” Hazel continued the conversation. “He runs all the time. If anyone can outrun a zombie, it would be him.” Briar nodded in agreement.

“Okay, but that's assuming the zombies just walk” Carmensita countered. “But what if the zombies run too? They could catch up to your dad, especially if they have endless stamina.”

“Zombies are just regular people and our dad can easily outrun them all” Briar said. “Besides, he's not just fast, he's also strong.”

“If a zombie did catch up to dad, he could fight them off without getting bit.” Hazel finished.

“It's science.” The twins spoke in unison. Carmensita's cheeks puffed up before she crossed her arms. Craig laughed at the pseudoscience.

“That's really flattering, but I don't think surviving an apocalypse depends entirely on your athletic ability...”

“That's what I said!” Carmensita said, relieved that she wasn't alone in the debate. “My dad is one of the smartest people I know. He doesn't need to run from zombies because he would be able to create a society that would protect him from harm.”

“Thanks honey” Mat chuckled. “But that would be a little hard to do on my own.”

“That's why you should team up with Mr. Vega.” Carmensita said matter of factly. “You two would be unstoppable.”

"The English professor?" Briar asked.

Carmensita nodded. "He's also Ernest's dad. I don't think you've met him since he's one of the older kids but-"

“Please don't introduce them to Ernest yet” Mat interjected quickly. “Or Lucien.”

Carmensita scowled. “Dad come on, they're not that bad. They're just misunderstood.”

“That's a word for it ...” Mat sighed, letting the girls talk amongst each other. Craig stayed relatively quiet the rest of the walk, finding a comfort in the atmosphere. He only partially paid attention to the conversation between the girls, Mat seemingly enjoying the same thing. He looked over at the other man for a moment, offering a small smile. Mat returned the gesture.

It almost felt familial.

Reaching the Cahn household, Mat took a minute to stretch, Carmensita mimicking him out of solidarity. Craig handed the house keys to the twins, watching them run off inside before turning to Mat. He hated this part of meeting someone new; saying goodbye to a moment of bonding. He knew they would hang out again of course, but it never came soon enough and it always ended much too quickly for his liking. He remembered telling Ashley about it once, hoping she could offer some kind of comfort. She took instead to teasing him about being so sentimental. It wasn't out of malice, but it did prevent him from mentioning it to her ever again. A lot of people liked to tease him about his insecurities, so there wasn't any point in mentioning them anymore. He supposed he was just being dramatic. For now, he put on another smile.

“It was great hanging out with you today, bro!” he said cheerfully. “We should do it again soon.”

“I really enjoyed it too” Mat said, smiling back. “And you?” he asked Carmensita. She nodded.

“Briar and Hazel are super fun to hang out with. Thanks for inviting us out Mr. Craig.”

“No problem, little bro!”

“See you around” Mat said. The two shared a hug, Craig careful not to squeeze too hard this time. His nose dug into the denim of Mat's jacket and he picked up the smell of coffee and some kind of cologne. It was an interesting combination. The two separated after a few seconds, Craig watching as Mat and Carmensita walked back home next door.

Standing there for a moment longer, he sighed and headed back inside.


	4. A Little Drunk, A Little High

Mat sighed heavily, shaking his head in disbelief. "This is exactly why you can't have candy before bed ..." He muttered, picking through Carmensita’s hair. It was an early Friday morning, the pair finding themselves in the bathroom together. Less than an hour ago, she had come into his room clearly distraught and he had to spend a few minutes trying to calm her down. Normally he would have hated being woken up so early on his day off, but that night he wasn’t able to get any sleep, so in some twisted way it worked out.

Carmensita sat on a stool in front of the mirror, her usual curly hair clumped together on one side in a mess of pink bubble gum. Her eyes were puffy from crying, Mat feeling sorry enough not to scold her outright. Still, she could tell he was irritated and she remained silent, bowing her head in embarrassment.

"I'd hate to have to cut it out ..." He mumbled to himself, assessing the damage. "But it doesn't seem like we have any other option."

Carmensita gasped loudly, grabbing at her hair. "No! I really like my hair like this!"

"Then you shouldn't have fallen asleep with gum in your mouth." He snapped. “Rules are there for a reason.” He moved to the drawers, searching for scissors. Carmensita curled up as best as she could, shaking like a leaf. Finding what he was looking for, Mat watched her reflection in the mirror for a moment. He didn't expect her to look so terrified over such a small incident. A thought crossed his mind; did she think he was going to hit her? No, that wasn’t possible. Mat was strict and disciplinary when he needed to be, but he would never hit his child. It had to be something else, but he couldn’t think of what.

Carmensita flinched when she finally saw the scissors and before he could start cutting, she jumped from her seat and bolted out of the bathroom. He could hear the distant slam of her bedroom door just a few seconds later. Huffing, he made his way to her door, which of course was locked, and knocked. "I'm not in the mood for this, Carmensita. We have to get that gum out” he said. She replied, but it was so muffled that he had to press his ear to the door to be able to understand what she was saying.

"I'm scared ..." He heard her say. He frowned, listening to her cry softly. His irritation melted away and Mat could do nothing to stop himself from going into dad mode.

"Why are you scared, honey?" He asked gently. She didn't respond right away and for a moment he thought he had missed what she said.

"It's all I have from mom. I don't want it to go away because I made a mistake ..."

Mat’s heart dropped, guilt hitting him at full force. It had been a while since they talked about Rosa and he hadn’t thought they would do it again so soon. He stood silently for a minute, listening to Carmensita collect herself. “Dad …?” she asked weakly, wondering if she had been left alone.

“I’m still here” he answered. “I want to talk to you face to face. Is that okay?” He listened to the sounds of her fumbling around before the lock clicked. He stepped back and watched the door slowly open, Carmensita peeking out from behind. Her face was still wet, her entire body shaking gently. He crouched down and she immediately ran into his open arms, clinging to him for dear life. He picked her up and carried her to the living room, settling down on the couch. She sat across his lap, his arms loosely cradling her. Resting her head against his chest, she was careful not to get any gum on his clothes. They sat in silence for a moment.

“I’m sorry I scared you” Mat started, his voice quiet and gentle. “That wasn’t my intention.”

“I’m sorry I ran away …”

“It’s okay.”

“Do I still have to get it cut?” She asked, wiping her face with her sleeves.

Mat sighed. If he was being honest, he didn’t want her hair cut either. It had started one day when he was showing her old pictures of Rosa. Mat explained that she had Rosa’s hair, although at the time Carmensita wore it much shorter. Overwhelmed with the fact that her most distinct feature was also her mother’s, Carmensita made a promise to herself that she would let her hair grow out as much as possible as a sort of homage to Rosa. It had been a good handful of years since then and she had made a lot of progress. Mat of course supported her decision and helped manage her growing locks. But now, he was faced with a difficult decision and all that progress looked to be in jeopardy.

“We can try to get it out another way …” he said, Carmensita looking up at him hopefully. “But, if everything else doesn’t work, we have to get it cut.” He looked down at her and gently wiped her tear stained cheeks with his thumb. “I know it’s important for you to keep your hair the way it is …” he said. “But these things happen and you just have to do what’s best.” Carmensita fiddled with her fingers, trying to find words.

“Did … did mom ever cut her hair?”

Mat chuckled. “Of course she did. It wasn’t often because she liked having it long, but there were moments.”

“Really?”

“Mhmm. I remember this one summer, a few years before you were born. It was the hottest it had ever been and your mother was trying so hard to keep cool. But her hair was so long and thick that it was almost impossible. Finally, she gets fed up, grabs a pair of scissors and chops it all off.”

Carmensita gasped. “No way!”

Mat nodded. “I was worried of course, because it was so impulsive I thought she would regret her decision. But your mother always had this confidence about her that no hairstyle would ever change. It made me fall in love with her even more.” He paused, his heart heavy from the memory. Carmensita thought quietly to herself, coming to a decision. She wiggled out of Mat’s arms and stood in front of him.

“Alright, I’ve decided” she said confidently. “If I have to cut my hair, I’m gonna do it. But … but not before we try to find another way.” She faltered. “... is that okay?”

“That sounds just fine.” he replied quietly. She looked at him, her expression growing concerned. Reaching forward, she wiped a single tear from his face he didn’t know was there.

“I love you, Dad” she said.

He smiled, feeling another tear roll down his cheek. “I love you too, Sweetheart.”  
...

It took a bit of time, but after looking up a technique that involved peanut butter, Mat was able to remove the gum from Carmensita’s hair without cutting it out. Ecstatic, Carmensita returned to her perky self and chatted about her upcoming sleepover at Daisy’s house. She was going to spend the whole weekend there, Brian kind enough to even offer dropping her off at school the following Monday. If it meant less stress on his end, he obliged. Mat listened quietly to her talk, brushing her hair after she had taken a thorough shower to get all the peanut butter out.

“Daisy has this whole new collection of books that she’s reading and I’m hoping I can convince her to let me borrow the first one.” She explained. “I mean the plot sounds really cool and sorta like something I would read anyway. But, she gets super attached to them, so I’ll have to try extra hard to convince her to lend it to me.”

“I see ...” he said, brushing her hair gently just in case there were tangles. “But if she says no, you can’t force her to say yes.”

“Yeah I know.”

Squirting some hair product in his hands, he was in the middle of massaging it into her hair when his phone started to buzz in his pocket. 

“Ah, can you …?” He asked Carmensita, pointing at his pocket. She pulled out his phone and answered as he returned to what he was doing.

“Hello, this is Mat Sella’s phone, can I ask who’s calling please?” She asked whoever was on the other line. Mat could never figure out where she had gotten that kind of greeting from, but it didn’t seem to cause any harm, so he let her do it anyway. “Oh hi Mr. Craig!” She looked up at Mat, making sure he had heard her.

“What does he want?” he asked, surprised that Craig had called him at all. He remembered giving him his number a few days back during his regular Coffee Spoon visit. It was the first thing Craig asked him when he walked in, effectively catching Mat off guard. Flustered, Mat decided to just scribble it on Craig’s tea cup, getting a sly look from Pablo who bugged him about it the rest of the day. It didn’t take long for Mat to receive his first text from Craig, but up until then that’s all it had been. The change worried him.

“My dad wants to know what you want” Carmensita relayed, going silent as she listened. She looked at Mat again. “He says he wants to know what you’re doing later today.”

“Why? Nevermind, just tell him to hold on.” His curiosity and anxiety were piqued. Finishing up with Carmensita’s hair, he quickly washed his hands, took the phone from her and let her run off. “Craig?” he asked, using his free hand to clean up.

“Hey bro!” Craig answered cheerfully. “I was worried for a second. Thought maybe I had a wrong number, haha!”

“My hands were busy, I’m sorry. Carmensita answered for me” he chuckled.

“It’s cool. So listen, I was wondering if you’re doing anything later today?”

“Not that I can think of ...” Mat said thoughtfully, partially lying. Halfway through their ordeal, Mat had completely forgotten to call Carmensita's school to let them know that she wasn't coming in that day. But he had gotten so overwhelmed himself, that he was putting it off as the day wore on. He made a mental note to simply text Hugo about the incident and figured that would be enough. She was a good kid so it shouldn't have been a problem.

“Did you want to maybe grab some lunch? Just the two of us.”

“A-Ah … Actually, I was just planning on being home today. It’s been a rough morning. But, I am free tomorrow afternoon if you’re still up for going out?”

“Tomorrow? Um … let me check my calender, hold on.” Mat obliged, taking the pause in their conversation to head back up to his own room. He lay in bed heavily, his body aching from that morning’s unexpected activity and stress. But it wasn’t enough to make him sleep, concerning him. Craig finally returned. “Looks like I’m free tomorrow!”

“You’re okay with that?” Mat asked, surprised.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know … I haven’t met a lot of people who were okay with someone who’d rather be home than out and about.”

“It doesn’t bother me, bro” Craig said nonchalantly. “Sometimes you just need time to yourself. I totally understand.”

“I appreciate that” Mat said, breathing a sigh of relief. “So, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yup! See you later bro!”

“See you.” hanging up, Mat tossed his phone off to the side and stared up at the ceiling. He felt bad about moving their lunch date to tomorrow, but he knew if they had went today, Mat would not be able to focus. He really needed this time to himself and for Craig to let him have it without question was … well, it felt nice.

Closing his eyes, he hoped that the next few quiet minutes would help him finally fall sleep.  
…

Mat did not get sleep. In fact, it was bad enough that Friday came and went and he found himself lying wide awake Saturday morning after another restless night. He rubbed his eyes, trying to clear the blurriness away. He was beginning to feel the effects of staying awake for two days straight and just hoped he wouldn’t make any impaired decisions.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” he wondered out loud, frustrated. Figuring there was no point staying in bed anymore, he sat up and grabbed his notepad from the bedside table. Jotting down his current bout of insomnia, he tossed it back in the drawer and got up for the day. He had dropped Carmensita off at Brian’s house the night before, so there wasn’t anyone else to look after that morning. But that didn’t mean he had to completely forget her existence.

**Hey kiddo, hope you’re safe and having fun.**

He read over his text, satisfied enough to hit send. It was still pretty early, so he didn’t expect a reply for a while. The morning went by slowly, seeing him camp out in front of the television. He had made himself a cup of coffee, hoping that it would keep him awake so that he wouldn’t fall asleep in the middle of the day and ruin his schedule. It seemed a little backwards, but he really couldn’t afford to mess up his routine because of a few bad nights. In the middle of some show he was vaguely watching, his phone buzzed.

**Hey dad! I am both safe and having fun. I hope lunch goes well with Mr. Craig!**

_Oops, almost forgot about that._ He checked his watch, relieved that there was still time to get ready. Texts the day before told him that Craig was going to meet up with him at the local diner instead of just going together. Apparently he had signed up his daughters for softball and he needed to drop them off beforehand. The thought actually reminded him of something.

**I hope so too. Hey, what are your thoughts on playing sports?**

**They’re not that interesting. Why?**

**It was just a thought. Don’t worry about it.**

He set to getting ready for lunch, wondering why he thought any child of his would have an ounce of athleticism in them. He supposed it didn’t hurt to check.

**Drumsets are pretty cool ~**

**No.**

**:(**

An hour later, Mat found himself walking into the diner. He didn’t see Craig around, so he assumed he had gotten there first. A waitress greeted him, leading him to a booth and offering a menu. He smiled awkwardly back at her before she left him alone. He had only a few minutes to look over his options when Craig breathlessly slid into the seat across from him.

“H-Hey!” Craig greeted, huffing and puffing as if he had just run a marathon. “Glad you could make it!”

“I could say the same thing about you” Mat said, looking him over with slight worry. “Are you alright?”

“I’m good, bro!” The waitress, noticing Craig walk in, returned and offered both men a tall glass of water, handing Craig his own menu.

“Would you like a few more minutes to look over the menu?” She asked politely.

“That would be great, thanks!” Craig said, trying to sound like he wasn’t about to pass out. The waitress exchanged looks with Mat before she left once more. Mat watched as he downed his glass of water in a few large gulps, looking relieved. Without a word, Mat offered him his own glass and watched him empty that one too. A beat of silence followed.

“What the hell happened to you?!” Mat asked, now completely worried. Craig wiped his mouth, laughing.

“Nothin’, bro!” He sat back, finally able to catch his breath. “I took the girls to their first session of softball practice and the coach asked me to participate for a bit.”

“I didn’t know they had parents get involved.”

“They don’t, but I guess they saw I was pretty fit and practically begged me to join.” Craig laughed off the thought once more. Mat frowned.

“Were you okay with that?”

Craig shrugged, opening his menu. “I didn’t expect it to happen, but it wasn’t that hard. It was some extra time to bond with my girls so it wasn’t totally pointless.” Mat wanted to press him further, but he didn’t want to turn their lunch into an interrogation. Instead, the two moved onto more pleasant conversation and when it came time to order, Mat asked for a typical pancake breakfast with a side of eggs and sausage. Craig, a little more indecisive, opted for a vegetarian omelette. It was one of those places that served breakfast all day, so they figured why not. Their food arrived without incident and they got to eating.

“Do you ever order coffee from other places?” Craig asked between bites, noting his orange juice. Mat furrowed his brow in thought.

“No, but it’s not intentional” he said, cutting through a sausage. “I guess people just assume I think any coffee that isn’t mine is terrible.”

“So why don’t you?”

“There are other drinks to enjoy.” Craig nodded, taking a few more bites of his omelette.

“I don’t drink coffee. It has too much sugar and black coffee is just gross.”

“I could live without black coffee.”

“Wait, really?”

Mat shrugged. “I’m allowed to have preferences.” Covering his mouth, he let out a yawn that seemed to come out of nowhere. Craig tilted his head.

“You okay? You look … pretty tired, bro.”

“I’m okay” Mat reassured, smiling a little. “I didn’t get much sleep last night and it feels like maybe it’s starting to catch up to me.”

“Was something bothering you?”

“No … well, maybe? I don’t know. I did have a pretty rough day yesterday, but even before then I was having trouble going to sleep. But it’s nothing I’m really worried about. I’ll be okay.”

“Alright, if you say so ...” Craig did nothing to hide his concern. “I care about you, bro. If there’s anything I can do, I wanna be able to help you out.”

Mat appreciated the sentiment, poking at his remaining eggs with his fork. He could feel his face flush just a bit. “Thanks. I’m just hoping to stay awake the rest of the day. I don’t want to accidentally fall asleep in the middle of our conversation ...” He gave Craig a knowing look and it took him a moment to remember exactly what Mat was referencing. If there was any way a human being could look more wounded, Mat felt he would be pressed to find one. Craig put a hand to his heart as if he had just been shot by his own daughters.

“Bro, did that really bother you?”

“It’s not usually something that happens when I talk to someone.” Mat shrugged, trying to sound casual and not at all like he was trying to start a fight. “It felt like maybe you were getting bored of me? N-Not that I think you really were. But it definitely crossed my mind…”

“I’m … really sorry about that dude. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I wasn’t interested. I thought I was alright, but I guess I was wrong ...” Craig sunk into his seat, and Mat could tell he was embarrassed. “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

“It’s not that big a deal.” Mat said, chuckling nervously. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to make you feel like you did something wrong.”

“But it bothered you enough to tell me” Craig insisted.

“It’s fine, really.” In the middle of their conversation, the waitress had returned to their table and placed their check down between them. Mat moved to read it when Craig quickly reached over and snatched it away. Startled, Mat blinked. “W-What was that?”

“I want to make it up to you” Craig declared. He placed a couple bills in the little tray and kept it out of Mat’s reach. “It’s not a lot, but I think it’s something.”

“Y-You really don’t have to do that” Mat said, anxiously trying to recall how much his meal cost. Craig waved him off.

“No worries! I was planning on treating you anyway” He smiled, making Mat relax just a little bit. Finishing their meal and after Craig had to dodge Mat in order to pay, the two quietly left. “I wish we could do something else” Craig said, rubbing the back of his neck. “But I have to pick up my girls from practice and they really want to spend some family time together.”

“It’s no problem, I understand.” Before parting, the two shared a hug. Like always, Craig enveloped Mat in his strength, but this time it had a softness to it that Mat almost melted into. He hugged him back, pressing against Craig almost eagerly. It ended much too quickly, but as they separated, Craig’s hands lingered just a touch longer on Mat’s waist than usual.

“Catch you later?” Craig asked.

“Y-Yeah…” Mat managed to reply. Giving him one last smile, Craig turned and headed off in the opposite direction. Mat thought about going home as well, but decided there wouldn’t be any point if he wasn’t going to sleep. Instead, he opted for the record shop and figured he might as well do as much as he could before nightfall. He was determined not to waste the day.  
...

"This is complete and utter bullshit."

Mat lay in bed, knowing he wasn’t going to sleep again that night. He sighed in frustration, tired of being tired and being unable to change anything. He weighed his options; either he lay in bed all night making friends with the darkness, or he try and find that old bottle of sleeping pills and force himself to sleep.

He rolled over on his side. It wasn’t often he used medication to get some rest. He really only ever used them when his insomnia got out of control, which in a good year was once a month. On most occasions when he suffered from insomnia, it lasted just the one night. But if he didn’t go to sleep again tonight, he would have been awake for 72 hours straight. He knew from experience that he could not function on that kind of abuse to his system. The last time it happened, it was if he had taken hallucinogens, reality having become altered and nonsensical as the day went on. He suffered an intense panic attack before that day was over, mercifully ending his torment when he downed a couple sleeping pills and knocked right out for 12 hours.

If there was anything he regretted, it was not letting Carmensita know he took sleeping pills in the first place. He remembered waking up to her hysterically crying on the phone with the paramedics because she thought he had died after she couldn't wake him up. It was that long, emotional talk with her afterwards when he decided he needed to try and get his sleeping better under control. Or at the very least, warn her when he was taking pills.

Making up his mind, he got out of bed and began searching through his drawers for that familiar bottle. He couldn’t remember exactly where he had placed it since the last dosage, or if he even had any left. Not finding anything after a few minutes, he thought hard. He knew for a fact they should have been somewhere in his bedroom, but it was still reasonable to assume they could have been somewhere that made sense. The bathroom cabinet, for example. Making his way across the room, he had only just grabbed the doorknob when his phone buzzed on the nightstand. Mat perked up, listening to it buzz once more before he quickly went back to answer whoever was calling him. He didn’t get many calls after dark, so it wasn’t that difficult to guess who it could have been.

“Hey Robert” he answered.

“Hey” came that familiar, gruff voice. “I’m at Jim and Kim’s. Come join me.” Mat sat down on his bed, picking at some lint on his pants.

“You’re just going to presume I’m not busy?”

“Are you?”

“...No, not really.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“I ... don’t feel like drinking.”

“Just get water or something. C’mon, I’m lonely and no one wants to see a lonely old guy drinking by himself.”

“Did you and Mary have a falling out or something? She’s usually with you.”

Robert laughed. “Nah, something came up. Tonight feels like a you and me night anyway. What do you say?”

“What gave you that idea?”

Robert went quiet, as if thinking over his answer. Mat checked the time. It was just shy of 11 PM; not too late but not incredibly early either. The perfect time to start making as many bad decisions as possible. “I guess I just miss you, baby.”

Mat could feel a tingle shoot up his spine at Robert’s words. He cursed the man for knowing exactly what to say to get him to do the bare minimum. “Yeah okay. I’ll see you in 20.”  
…

Stepping through the doors of Jim and Kim’s, Mat took a deep breath and looked around. The bar was decently packed, the smell of alcohol and greasy food thick in the air. He could barely hear the aging jukebox over the chatter, but if he really strained his ears, he could make out the current track as some kind of mix between psychedelic and blues rock music. There was too many people and Mat knew he was going to hate being around them. But this was a place where no one knew him enough to try and interact, giving him a sense of anonymity. So there was that.

It didn’t take long for him to spot Robert at a grimy looking booth alone and drinking what Mat could only assume were shots of whiskey. Weaving his way between patrons, Mat slid in the seat across from him.

“You made it” Robert said, raising his empty shot glass. A few more crowded around him, still full. “Here, I got you something.” He placed a full beer bottle in front of Mat. “Drink up.”

“I told you I’m not drinking tonight” Mat grimaced, pushing the bottle away.

“It’s beer, not vodka. One bottle of this shit ain’t gonna get you trashed.” Robert replaced the bottle back in front of Mat. “Live a little.” Hesitating, Mat gripped the bottle loosely, but made no move to drink. Robert noticed, but didn’t seem as bothered as he implied. The two sat in silence, Robert drinking another shot while Mat watched in faint interest. The beer bottle warmed up against him hand and Mat figured since he hadn’t spent his own money on it, he may as well accept the gift. He took a few sips, then a few more. It was alright.

Looking around, Mat was not getting any more comfortable being in this kind of scene. “Why am I here ...” he mumbled under his breath, mostly to himself. Robert shrugged, answering him.

“I wanted your company.”

Mat took another sip of his drink. “I was hoping to get some sleep tonight.”

“I doubt you were gonna get any of that.”

“I could have made the effort.”

Robert chuckled, throaty and low. He rolled his empty shot glass between his thumb and index finger, looking relaxed. “You know …” he said, a smirk tugging the corner of his mouth. “What I said to you on the phone … I really did mean it.”

Mat looked at him, trying to ignore the pit in his stomach. “I see you almost everyday at the Coffee Spoon. There’s really nothing to miss.”

“You know what I mean.”

Mat narrowed his eyes, suddenly tasting the bitterness of the beer on his tongue. He wasn’t surprised though; he knew this was exactly what Robert wanted to bring up. It had happened before, after all.

“How are you expecting this night to go?” he asked, careful to downplay his annoyance. “You and I knock back a few drinks then go back to your place and fuck around?”

Robert looked amused, his shit eating grin hitting a nerve with Mat. “You said it, not me.”

“I know that’s what you want.”

“Ain’t nothing wrong with wanting a little fun.”

Mat folded his arms on the table, looking away. There was a little too long of a pause between them. “I don’t know if I can keep doing this …”

“What do you mean?” Robert asked gruffly, not really wondering.

“It was a mistake to start all this.” Mat winced, remembering that night. “I was stupid and in mourning and you said the right words and shared the right feelings. I thought I was alone and you were there to tell me about Marilyn … and I believed all of it.”

“Do you regret it?” Robert’s question seemed sincere. Mat sighed. He wanted so badly to lie. To get out of this situation and deal with his grief in a healthier way. He didn’t want to have to rely on Robert to get him on a high that would only last a few hours and yet he couldn’t let go. He was too afraid of what would happen if he was left alone.

“No … not yet.”

Robert quietly laughed at his answer, as if he knew. Pushing his empty shot glasses aside, he kept his gaze on Mat, who still refused to look at him. “Tell me what you want, baby.”

Mat scoffed, trying to convince himself he hated the pet name. “Let’s go back to your place. You get a little drunk, I get a little high and we’ll have the greatest sex we can’t remember when morning comes around.” It was rehearsed and it was obvious it was rehearsed, but at this point neither of them cared. It was exactly what they wanted to hear and they weren’t ones to mess with tradition.

They sat together for a long while, until Mat finished his drink. With a bitter taste in his mouth, Mat followed Robert out of the bar and into the cold, unforgiving night. He wanted to feel guilty, but the feeling just wasn’t there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I'm trying my best to update as frequently as I can. I'm also debating on the rating I have right now and whether or not I have to make it Mature. I mean at this point, it's just language, but who knows. Maybe it's meant for a more mature audience. I guess we'll see. Anyway, I appreciate the support and I'll see you all in the next chapter!
> 
> Also if anyone wanted to say hi or something, I have a tumblr. It's not dream daddy related, but I like meeting new people with vaguely similar interests.  
> www.blackjackink.tumblr.com


	5. A Lesson in Percussive Maintenance

Craig white knuckled the steering wheel, his eyes fixed firmly on the road. _This is it_ , he thought. _This is where everything changes._

He couldn't remember when he last spoke to Ashley, but the night before he had received a text, asking him to call her when he had a minute to talk. She didn't fluff up her message, assuring him that she was serious. He really didn’t want to talk, but the fact that they currently shared custody of their kids forced him to call her back. Their subsequent talk ended up being long and drawn out to the point of exhaustion; there were apologies, explanations and reminiscing about “the good ol’ college days”. After almost 4 hours, the two set a time and day for Craig to come and pick up River. He had kept his distance up until now, not wanting to say or do anything that could jeopardize his reunion with River. As he drove, an intrusive thought began to creep into his mind.

_What if River doesn't recognize me?_

He swallowed thickly. He hadn't seen River for almost a month and half and now suddenly she was going to spend the next week with him. He was over the moon to have her around again, but their time apart could have meant she got used to living without him.

_What if she thinks I'm a stranger? What if she doesn't let me hold her? What if she cries the entire time and I have no choice but to bring her back?_

He could feel his hands going numb. He never had to worry about this kind of thing with the twins. They were old enough to understand that he was always going to be their dad and that moving between two different houses was just going to be their new normal. But River was still an infant. Was a month long enough to have him erased from her memories?

Craig pulled up the driveway of the home he would have shared with Ashley. He sat in his car for a moment longer, looking at his reflection in the rearview mirror.

"You got this, bro." He said to himself. Holding on to that small boost of confidence, he got out of the car, walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell.

"Coming!" Ashley called from inside. A couple seconds passed before she opened the door. Craig stood straight and smiled, hoping he looked presentable enough. "Hey!" Ashley greeted, seeming content.

"H-Hey."

Ashley checked her watch. "Exactly on time, just like always." She opened the door wider, stepping to the side. "River's upstairs in her crib. I gotta finish packing a few of her things and then you can start loading up the car." Craig nodded, trying to hold back his anxiety and gingerly stepped into the house. He had only spent about a week here with Ashley before moving out, finding a hotel to stay in up until he moved permanently to Maple Bay. There were no memories here to look back on and he quietly continued upstairs.

He quickly found River's nursery and stepped inside, careful not to make too much noise. The room was decorated simply, blue and yellow the predominant color palette. He remembered choosing those colors with Ashley just a few months before River was born. By the window sat the white crib and peering inside it, he found River. He felt a lump in his throat; she was fast asleep, just as she had been the day he moved out. Unable to help himself, he reached down and smoothed down what little hair she had, his hand big enough to cup her whole head.

River stirred, her eyes fluttering open. She looked up at Craig who was already smiling. 

“Hey baby girl ~” he cooed softly. “Hey ~ Remember me? Remember daddy?” It took her a minute to fully wake up, but once she did she smiled back, flapping arms and kicking her legs. She gurgled back a delighted response, her chubby fingers trying to reach up and grab his hand. He offered a finger, and she held it in her tiny grip, trying to gnaw on it with her gummy mouth. Craig watched her, trying desperately to burn this moment into his mind forever.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but Ashley eventually made her way back into the nursery. She leaned on the doorframe, arms crossed and watching them both. “I finally got her sleeping under control. I have her on a specific schedule and I really need you to follow it exactly.” Craig looked back at her, his eyebrows furrowing just a bit.

“Yeah, okay. I can do that.”

“I also have a bedtime routine for her that involves storytime, lotions and her favorite blankets. I wrote that down for you as well because otherwise she’s not going to sleep. I’ve got her bath schedule,what sort of soaps I use, the kind of fabric that doesn’t make her itch, cream in case something does and some baby formula you can buy that she won’t spit up.”

Craig chuckled nervously. “Wow, that sounds like a lot.” Ashley shrugged.

“Well you haven’t been around, so of course you wouldn’t know.”

He bit the inside of his cheek, suppressing his immediate, snarky response. He wasn’t going to start a fight the same day he was supposed to bring River home. He opted for a neutral response. “Yeah … I guess not.” Ashley gave him a look he couldn’t place and she walked past him to the crib. Leaning in, she pulled River out and held her in her arms, cooing at her and making pleasant faces. Craig stepped aside and watched the two interact, a pit in his stomach.

“Her stuff is all packed up” Ashley started again, bouncing River gently in her arms. “It’s all by the front door. Come on, I’ll show you. It’s not that much.” Craig followed her silently back downstairs, where a small pile of bags were set. The rest of the visit went by soundlessly, with Ashley directing him and with Craig fighting the sickening feeling in his stomach. The way she spoke to him, it was as if he was some kind of babysitter that she had hired to take care of River. Her words felt cold and authoritative, something that Craig didn’t really expect. He didn’t think they would be on great terms with each other, but he imagined it would have been more relaxed.

It took a bit of time, but Craig managed to fit everything in his car. Buckling River into her carseat, Craig pulled up enough courage to say something to Ashley. The two stood by his car, River having already fallen asleep in her seat. Craig frowned gently.

“Hey, Ash … are we … are you really okay with me taking River?” he asked quietly. She blinked, thinking over her answer.

“Truthfully, no. She’s my baby, Craig. I know what’s best for her.” She paused, sighing. “... and what’s best for her is to have her father in her life too.” He wasn’t sure what to say, so he stayed silent. She continued. “Whatever you do just … don’t kill her, alright?”

“Mmm.”

After an awkward handshake, Ashley walked back inside the house and closed the front door behind her. Taking one last look at the house, Craig got into the car and took the long drive back to the cul de sac. He kept glancing back at River, who had fallen asleep halfway through the ride. About 15 minutes later, he parked the car in his driveway, shutting off the engine. He sat there, thinking about Ashley. She was cold and no amount of talking or reminiscing was going to change that. He didn’t blame her for how she acted though; he was the reason why they didn’t get along anymore. Still, he never thought his children would have to be used as pawns during their time apart. It made him sick to his stomach, knowing he had to play by her rules in order to be a dad to his kids.

_But that’s just how it is, isn’t it? Joint custody, unless it's proven harmful._

Even now, Craig couldn’t prove anything. But even if he could, he didn’t know if he would try to fight for full custody. He was just settling in himself and didn’t think he had the time or energy to care for three kids. He was sure he could get help, considering the cul de sac was saturated with fathers, but that wasn’t guaranteed. Even if he was able to get some extra hands, it would defeat the purpose of looking like he could take care of his family. Ashley would be able to see he was struggling and take his kids away from him permanently.

No, he would have to do it on his own and right now that just wasn’t possible.

He looked in the rearview mirror, watching River sleep soundly. He shook his head. He didn’t want to think about his family falling apart around him. Not when he was supposed to be relieved that he was able to get River for the first time in a while. Getting out of the car, he went around the back, unbuckled River and brought her into the house. She was soft in his grip and much heavier than he anticipated, but of course it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. She was quieter in his arms than when she was with Ashley, which made him anxious. But she didn’t seem to be fighting him, so there was that at least.

_She’s probably just confused … and curious. Yeah, curious._

After fumbling for his keys with a baby in his arms, he unlocked the front door and stepped inside. The house was empty, the twins still at practice.

“This is daddy’s house ~” he said, walking around the living room. “This is where you’re gonna visit from now on.” He gave her a tour, showing her all the rooms, including her nursery and even showed her a few pictures of Briar and Hazel that hung on the walls. She seemed to respond well, reaching out to touch anything he held. Eventually, he brought her back to the living room and breathed a sigh of exhaustion. He needed to lie down. Carefully, he lay down on the couch, River resting flat on his chest. The two lay for a moment, Craig watching her as she tried lifting her head to get a better look around the room. She gave up halfway however and instead opted to rest her head just below Craig’s chin, babbling quietly to herself. With one hand holding her in place, Craig reached up with his free hand and ran it through his hair. His chest suddenly felt tight, his face heating up. His expression grew strained and he started up at the ceiling. The lump in his throat returned, making it hard to breathe. A flood of emotion hit him as he realized what had been kept from him for so long.

“I love you so much baby girl” he choked out. He held River closer to him, afraid this would have all turned out to be a dream if he let her go. “Please ... don’t ever forget that …”

Taking in a sharp breath, he began to cry.

...

There were two thoughts that crossed Mat’s mind in quick succession when he opened his eyes that morning. One, he had actually slept through the night and two, this was not his bed.

A third thought, which took just a moment longer, was that there was something weighing down on him. Groggy, he reached down and realized it was Robert’s arm slung around his waist in a loose embrace. Mat looked to his right and watched him sleeping soundly. He would have been surprised to see the man still in bed with him; Robert never liked to have temporary partners lingering in his home. But Mat knew he wasn't temporary. Taking in the environment, he could see sunlight streaming through slits of fabric from the drawn curtains. The intensity of the light suggested it was well past early morning, but he wasn't entirely sure. Though, it wasn't like he had anywhere to be; Carmensita was still at Brian's and the Coffee Spoon could wait another day to be open.

Sighing, Mat gently gripped Robert's wrist and moved his arm off of his stomach to free himself. Robert stirred, but didn't fully wake. Keeping his movements slow, Mat turned over to reach for his phone on the nightstand. An arm snaked back around his midsection, pulling him back into a tight embrace.

"R-Robert..." Mat said, surprised. He could feel Robert's stubble scratch the back of his neck, making him shiver.

"Leaving already?" Robert muttered, his lips pressing against Mat's skin in lazy kisses.

"I have things to do." Mat lied, grabbing Robert's arm again. " I can't stay here forever."

Robert's grip around Mat tightened, his nails digging into him. "You always say that." Mat didn’t refute his accusation and instead lay still and quiet. Robert gave him a few more kisses before pulling away, releasing him. Sitting up, Mat watched as Robert rolled over, his back to him. “If you’re in such a hurry, leave.” he said sharply.

Mat winced at his tone, but took his advice and got out of bed. He still had his boxers on and set to looking for his clothes that seemed to be scattered all over the floor, mixed with Robert’s. Finding his jacket, he gave it a good whiff; the smell of coffee was gone, replaced with alcohol and cigarette smoke. He made a note to wash it before Carmensita came home. After a bit of fumbling, Mat was finally fully dressed. Making sure he still had his keys and phone on him, he took one last look at Robert. He was still in bed, listening to Mat rummage around the room. Mat didn’t have to see his face to know that’s what he always did when he got ready to leave.

“One day …” Robert said suddenly, his voice almost at a whisper. “One day, I’m going to make you stay.” Mat could feel a tingle course through his body at the ominous words. He opened his mouth, wanting to press further, but decided it wasn’t worth it right now. Opening the bedroom door, he made his way through the rest of the house and quietly left.

Stepping out into the sunlight, he squinted his eyes. It was definitely later than he had anticipated. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he began the walk home. His body ached, the sun warming up his skin and soothing the pain just a bit. He didn’t know where his hair tie had gone, so his dreadlocks were free to sit and frame his face in a way he didn’t normally like, but couldn’t do much about until he was home again. Passing the Christiansen household, he felt for a moment as if he was being watched. He glanced over at the windows, but all their curtains seemed to be pulled closed. He shrugged off the feeling as being unnecessarily anxious.

Making it home, Mat started his mission. Heading up to the bathroom, he began looking around for a hair tie. It was the kind of thing that would be around all the time when he didn’t need them. But the day he could really use one, they all suddenly vanished. Finally managing to pull one out of a clump of … something, he stepped back in front of the mirror. His heart immediately stopped.

_Oh fuck me ..._

He stared at his reflection, his eyes on the large, purple splotch on his neck. He touched it carefully, wincing. Pulling down the collar of his shirt, he sighed when he realized that wasn’t the only mark left on his body and that the painful looking hickies reached even lower than he could see at the moment. Readjusting his shirt, he thought hard. His shirt wasn’t going to cover it and he wasn’t about to go outside again with it exposed either. But he didn’t have any foundation or concealer, wondering if even that was going to be enough.

The ring of the doorbell brought him out of his thoughts. Quickly tying up his hair and moving his jacket enough so that it at least looked like he had attempted to cover his hickie, he made his way back into the living room. Answering the front door, he had only gotten a glimpse of Mary’s face before he was repeatedly hit with a rolled up newspaper, startling him.

“Wha - Hey - !!”

“You’re. A good. Person. Stop. Doing this. To. Yourself!” Mary yelled in between every hit. Mat stumbled backwards, falling to the ground. The attack immediately stopped and he peaked out from behind his arms that shielded him. Mary loomed over him, her expression as disgusted as ever, that morning’s newspaper rolled up in her vice grip. She glared down at him for a moment longer before turning on her heel, walking over to slam the front door shut. A beat of silence followed. “What the flying fuck was that?!” She demanded, pointing towards the door. “Why did I just see you take the walk of shame from Small’s place? You know damn well you’re better than that!”

Certain that she wasn’t going to hit him again, Mat carefully stood back up, keeping his distance from her. “No, that wasn’t -”

“Shut it! The only people who ever walk out of his place are him and his fuck buddies. No sensible person would ever visit him.”

“I didn’t do anything!”

“Oh really? Then what’s that on your shoulder?” She walked right up to him, pulling his collar down roughly to reveal his hickies. She sneered as she examined them for a moment before he pulled away from her, putting a hand over the area defensively.

“I-It’s … it’s nothing,” he lied weakly.

Mary glared at him, crossing her arms. “Look me straight in the eyes, Mat. Did you sleep with Robert last night?”

He squirmed under her gaze and decided he had already lost the argument the moment he had opened the door. He looked away, like a child did when they knew they had been caught. “...A little.”

“Idiot!” She whacked him with the newspaper once more before abandoning it on the coffee table. She watched him carefully as he rubbed the tender spot on his head, doing his best to glare at her. He was never great at being aggressive. “You’re playing a dangerous game, Mat …” she said with a warning tone. “You can’t keep going back to him and ignoring the problem.”

“I’m not ignoring anything” he replied, moving to sit on the couch. His body was aching and he needed to rest. She stood in front of him, frowning.

“That’s not for you to decide.”

“Mary, this has nothing to do with you.”

“Like hell it doesn’t. You’re a good person and so is Robert. But you’re both really fucking stupid when it comes to dealing with your emotions.” She sighed, softening just a bit. “Listen to me; if you don’t figure out a way to get him out of your life, you’re only going to get worse. It’s gotten to the point where he’s memorized all your buttons. He knows exactly how to get what he wants and you’ve been more than willing to give it to him.”

Mat hated to admit it, but he agreed. He had remembered the first night it happened; he was much more resistant to Robert’s advances and was almost able to walk away; almost. “Mary, I’m fine. When I have to leave, I’ll leave. But right now, I don’t think I can survive on my own.”

“You’re not fine and you have to stop this nonsense right now.”

“Why aren’t you telling Robert any of this?” He raised an eyebrow, getting defensive. “He’s the one fucking me over.”

Mary barked out a laugh. “You think any of what I have to say will get through to him?” She gave him a sly look. “What did he tell you last night to get you to Jim and Kim’s?”

“That … that he missed me” he replied, hesitating. “He was alone and he needed someone.”

“How sweet …” she said, giving him a sarcastic smile. “But what you don’t know is I was there with him. We had a couple shots and I was having a damn good time. Then up out of nowhere, he says he wants to spend the night alone. I know what that means and I tell him he needs help. He can’t keep dragging you down with him just because you’re easy.”

“I’m not -”

“Yes you are, shut up. Anyway, he says he’s fine and that wasn’t his intention and tells me to leave him alone. So I get up and leave. But when he wasn’t looking, I slipped back inside, hid in some dark corner and waited for the inevitable. You eventually showed up, just like I had predicted.”

Mat looked horrified, his face red from embarrassment. Mary chuckled, continuing. “I watched you two talk. I didn’t catch everything, but I could guess what you were saying. Your guard is slipping, Sella. How long did it take this time, 30 minutes? The last time he got you to cave was almost an hour.” She paused for effect. “He’s noticing and he knows it as well as I do that if he can keep this up, it won’t be too long until you’re the one begging for his company.” Mat looked down at his hands, as if they held the answers to all his problems. He frowned deeply when he couldn’t find any.

“He said something to me this morning…” he muttered. “He said he was going to make me stay one of these days. I didn’t ask about it because I figured some part of me already knew what he was talking about.”

“He’s determined to keep you around” she said quietly. “He may not hurt you physically to do that, but he knows the right words to say. You’re being manipulated and he’s going to keep doing it until you say no.” There was a heavy silence. “Do you even remember why you went to him in the first place?”

Mat looked down at the ground, feeling his chest tighten a bit. “... I lost Rosa and it had gotten to the point where I struggled just to get up in the morning … he offered to talk because he knew what that felt like, to lose a spouse. A few minutes turned into a few hours and suddenly I was at the bar every night, talking to him.” he furrowed his brow. “I … can’t remember what he said one night, but it was different than what he usually talked about. I guess I got so caught up in wanting a companion again and he had been there for me, that …” He trailed off, running his hand through his hair in frustration.

Mary thought to herself, any sort of anger and frustration already having left her body. Maybe she was left with just pity. She wasn’t entirely sure. “Do you feel anything with him?”

“No. Nothing at all.”

“Then why keep going back?”

Mat laughed, hollow and humorless. “I guess … I’m lonelier that I thought.”

…

It had been an hour or so since Mary had left. Mat had decided he felt grody after their talk and that he needed to soak for a bit. Splayed out in the tub, He slowly breathed in the steam that released from the hot water. Now nude, he had gotten a better look at the damage done to his body. Bruises and scratches marked him, looking as if he had gotten into a fight. His lower half was especially sore and the water seemed to help soothe him. Letting his mind wander, he sighed.

Mary was right. Mat was in deep trouble when it came to Robert and if he didn’t do something about it, he wasn’t ever going to get out. But he couldn’t just sit the man down and say he wasn’t interested anymore. Experience told him that wasn’t enough, because Robert was too stubborn and he knew he hadn’t completely run his time out with Mat yet. There had to be something else he could try.

Drying his hands, he reached down and grabbed his phone from his jacket that lay strewn on the bathroom floor. He swiped through it aimlessly, not sure what he was trying to find. He opened his text messages; maybe reading some of them would ease his mind. His list of conversations weren’t many. Carmensita, Pablo and now Craig seemed to be his most frequent, while the rest of the cul de sac remained at only a handful of texts every now and again. Scrolling down the list, he accidentally tapped the screen and opened up a long abandoned conversation.

**Good morning my darling. How is the shop treating you today?**

**Morning sweetheart! It’s slow, but I think it’ll pick up really soon. I can feel it. How are you feeling?**

**Still a bit lethargic, but it’s not that bad. Carmensita’s already had her breakfast and I’m cooking something for myself. We have to stop buying peas, she hates those.**

**I can pick up something else when I get back.**

**Some ice cream would also be lovely <3 Strawberry.**

**Will do! :)**

**One more thing.**

**?**

**I love you <3**

**Haha, I love you too <3**

A few more separate conversations followed, but he closed out of it before he got sucked into reading through them again. He could feel a lump forming in his throat, but he quickly forced it away. He didn’t need this right now and it wasn’t doing anything to help his situation. He was about to put his phone back when it buzzed. It was a message from Craig.

**Hey bro! How’s it going?**

Mat replied, his mind still anxious from the last messages.

**It’s going. You?**

**Good! Got River with me today. So stoked to have my tiny bro!**

He smiled; Craig always managed to be so excited about everything. Even if it felt forced every now and again, it made Mat feel good that he could have that kind of positive energy around. An idea came to him.

**Are you going to be busy later? I was thinking about heading to the record shop. If you want, you and River can come.**

**Yeah that sounds fun bro! Meet you there?**

**No problem. See you there.**

**See ya!**

_Well that was easy_ , He thought. Spending a few more minutes in the tub, he eventually got out and got dressed. He threw his jacket into the dryer for a bit, hoping that the quick cycle would take out the smell of what was essentially Robert and spent those few minutes assessing his neck. The bruise was still noticeable and beyond covering it like a wound, there wasn’t much he could do. Locating his first aid kid, he found the biggest band aids he could find and slapped them on, two side by side. It still poked out a bit at the edges, but it was better than nothing. Satisfied with his work, he checked his watch, grabbed his jacket and headed out.

Just like they had done before, the two decided to meet at the record shop since Craig was already out and about. He hadn’t really noticed it before, but Craig seemed to be much busier than he first thought. Sure he had three kids, but Mat at least thought there would be some down time. He supposed hanging out together could be considered relaxing, but if so, did Craig ever spend time just on his own?

_Maybe he fears loneliness, just like you._

He shook his head; it was too early to start psychoanalyzing Craig.

Arriving at the record shop, he immediately spotted Craig outside who seemed to be busy entertaining River. She was strapped in a stroller, waving her chubby arms around and giggling at the faces he was pulling. Mat stepped up behind them, chuckling.

“Now this is adorable” he said, catching Craig’s attention.

“Oh hey, bro!” Craig turned around, looking up at Mat from his crouched position. “How’s it -” He stopped, noticing the bandages. His expression dropped and he stood up quickly. “Bro, what happened?! Are you alright?”

“O-Oh, yeah I’m fine” Mat said, awkwardly smiling.

“Are you sure? It looks pretty big …”

“I just bruise easily, ahah.” That much was true.

“What happened?” Craig stepped closer, as if trying to get a better look. Mat stepped back just the same, turning his bandaged shoulder away.

“Uh …” _Shit, I forgot to come up with a story._ “I … guess I got a little drunk last night and managed to hurt myself. It’s only a bruise though, it’s really no big deal.”

“Really?” Craig put on a thinking face, mulling over the explanation. “I didn’t know you drink. Or get drunk.”

“It’s … not a common occurrence. I promise I’m not a drunkard.”

“No judgment here bro” Craig said, laughing. “Back in college I had the nickname ‘Keg-stand Craig’. You can probably guess why.”

“Like … voluntarily?” _He’s got a cute laugh._

“I don’t remember actually, but you don’t have as much shame about your vices in college, so it didn’t really matter.” He shrugged, shifting the topic of conversation. “Anyway, this is River! The best tiny bro out there.” He stepped aside so that Mat could get a better view of her.

“She definitely looks like she could hold that title” Mat said, crouching down to her level. “Hey ~” She looked at him curiously, trying to reach for his glasses. He stayed out of her reach, tickling her cheek. “She’s very cute.” Mat stood back up, smiling back at Craig who looked very proud.

“She gets her cute looks from her dad” Craig said jokingly.

“Yeah, you are pretty cute” Mat answered, too quickly to filter himself. He froze for a second, trying to cover up his tracks. “I-I mean in a platonic kind of way. Like friends. Friendly.”

Craig blinked, his face turning just the lightest shade of pink. He chuckled as Mat stumbled on his words. “That’s real sweet of you to say, bro ~”

“You, ah … you’re welcome …” Mat stood awkwardly for a moment, refusing to give Craig any eye contact as his face flushed from embarrassment. Instead, he gestured vaguely towards the store. Understanding what he was trying to say, Craig nodded and the two walked inside.

It was a small, crowded space, most of the floor space taken up by boxes full of vinyls. The walls were covered in a mix of vintage and contemporary band posters, the speakers playing some kind of song Mat vaguely recognized. Craig looked around in wonder, pushing the stroller along with him. He didn’t seem sure of where to start, so he simply followed Mat to a group of boxes and began flipping through the vinyl.

They both fell silent for a while in quiet contemplation. Mat examined the titles and artists carefully, while Craig seemed to just admire the art. Getting over his initial embarrassment enough to talk, Mat started conversation. “Do you have a record player?” he asked, his gaze focused on what he was doing.

Craig looked up in thought. “I used to in college. Well actually, it wasn’t mine, it was my roommates. We’d play it pretty often, but I never got used to it, you know? I’m more of a mixtape cassette type of guy.”

Mat glanced over at him. “Yeah, I could see that.” He paused. “So, just out of curiosity; If you don’t have a record player, why’d you agree to come with me today?”

Craig smiled, pulling out a particularly colorful looking album. “Because I want to spend time with you, bro.” Mat chuckled, unnerved by how often he was blushing today. Craig continued. “So why did you ask me to come with you?”

“I … wanted to spend time with you.” Craig laughed, making Mat jump and River giggle in excitement.

“Great answer bro.”  
...

Their time together would be short. It was a spur of the moment thing, so Craig couldn’t completely leave his life behind for the afternoon.

“Sorry bro, but the twins need me and River is getting kind of restless.”

Mat shrugged, holding a few records in his hands. “It’s cool. I didn’t expect to have you the whole day.” Making their final decisions, the two paid for their items and left. Mat of course had purchased a few more titles for his collection. Craig on the other hand only bought one, mostly for the aesthetic of owning one. It was a band he had never heard of with cover art that looked straight from the 70s, but he couldn’t complain. Mat had, after all, bought it for him as a gift.

The two took to the sidewalk, Craig pushing River in her stroller and hoping she didn’t have a meltdown before they got home. So far she seemed okay, sitting silently and watching the scenery go by as they walked.

“Thanks for spending some time with me” Mat said, admiring a rosebush as they passed. “I needed to get out of the house for a bit.”

“No problem bro. Anytime you need me, I’m here for you.”

Mat smiled slightly, remembering a thought he had earlier. “You take time for yourself too, don’t you?”

“Nah, not really.” Craig chuckled. “I don’t like being alone a lot. It makes me anxious.”

“Really? Why?”

“I don’t want to give myself a reason to dwell on certain thoughts. So I keep busy.” Craig was obviously alluding to something, but Mat didn’t want to pry. Even with how vague it was, he felt like he could relate. One day, he would trust Mat enough to elaborate.

Approaching Craig’s house, the two stopped at his doorstep. “Ah … so listen …” he said, stopping Mat from leaving right away. He seemed to stumble on his thoughts, going silent as he tried to come up with what he wanted to say. It made Mat quietly nervous. “Coming to Maple Bay has been pretty tough and even now I feel like I haven’t completely settled in yet. But … I know I do like spending time with you. I dunno what it is, but I feel like you get me, you know?” He shrugged, looking off to the side. “I know I come off as a brainless meat head to people and all they really notice is my body. Which, whatever, I can deal with that. You probably thought the same thing when I got tea from you the first time.”

“I-I’m sorry …” Mat admitted, chuckling nervously. Craig smiled warmly.

“Nah, it’s cool dude, I understand. But with you, it’s kinda different. I’m not sure how to explain it, but that’s how I feel.” There was another pause, Craig taking a deep breath and exhaling sharply. It was now or never. “So … I was wondering … do you want to maybe … go out sometime? On a date?”

Mat blinked, his heart skipping a beat. For the second time that day, he spoke without thinking. “Y-Yeah. I would like that.” Craig looked relieved and pulled Mat into an embrace, careful to lean his head on the side without bandages. It was warm, encasing Mat in what he could only describe as love. He returned the gesture, guarded, but sincere.

Letting go, the two said their goodbyes and parted ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm sorry this took so long. This chapter was really giving me trouble, but I finally managed to figure it out. As always, I hope you enjoy!


	6. You Look Like the Adventurous Type

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it sounds a little corny, but this chapter was heavily inspired by the song "Mad Sounds" by Arctic Monkeys. It's a pretty chill track and I highly recommend giving it a listen if you wanna get in the mood lol
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

“What do you think?” Mat asked. He stood in front of Carmensita who was lounging on the living room couch, the television set to a sitcom neither of them liked except as background noise. He was trying out an outfit and lifted his arms, twirling around a few times so that she could get an entire view of his efforts.

Carmensita looked him over, tilting her head in contemplation. She frowned slightly. “I dunno, it still looks like you’re trying too hard.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, dropping his arms and frowning. He looked down at himself. “What part of it is ‘trying too hard’?”

“I dunno, just kinda …” she vaguely gestured at him. “...that.”

“...that?” he repeated, vaguely gesturing at himself with a confused expression.

“Yeah.” She smiled at him, almost out of pity. “You’ll get it right, don’t worry.” She returned to the book she was reading, which according to her was successfully borrowed from Daisy. Mat sighed, walking back to his bedroom in defeat. He wasn’t sure he had many outfits he had left to try on, especially ones that could qualify as date material. “Just don’t think about it too much!” he could hear Carmensita yell from the living room. He sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the piles of clothes on the floor in front of him.

_What if I just showed up in regular, everyday clothes? Would he think less of me because I wasn’t prepared for this kind of thing?_

He pulled off his shirt, digging through the pile for something more familiar to him. Mat was a simple man and although he had a closet full of choices, he was known to wear combinations of the same few clothes every single day. He was sure that at this point, Craig would have noticed that and if he put the same amount of effort into their first date, Craig might rethink asking him out. To his credit, he did go shopping every couple of months and sometimes he would incorporate something new in his everyday wear. Most times, whatever he bought would ultimately be donated to the church, barely worn.

Mat decided he wanted Craig to like him, so he tried again.

It took a few more minutes (an hour to be more precise) but Mat finally settled on an outfit. It wasn’t too fancy or too average and he felt it could work in any situation. He really didn’t like how general that statement felt, but it wasn’t like he had much to go off on. Craig had, after all, planned out the afternoon as a complete secret. Mat didn’t know if he was excited or anxious; he really didn’t like surprises, but this was Craig. He felt they might have known each other long enough that Craig wasn’t going to have them do anything too out there.

He checked his watch; another 30 minutes before Craig was supposed to pick him up. He could feel his heart racing; a fact that had been true since he woke up that morning. He had even forced himself to skip his morning coffee because he was afraid the mix of anxiety and caffeine was just going to kill him. He had gotten so nervous at one point that he considered cancelling, but Carmensita took his phone from him and wouldn’t give it back until he promised to go.

Fixing his hair for the hundredth time, he sighed in thought. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this nervous and perhaps excited for a date.

It wasn’t that he became completely afraid of dating again after Rosa passed away. But the people he did try to go out with just never struck him as compatible, nor did they make him want to move on. On the bright side, it had doubled as a personal growth process. He never really thought about his sexuality when Rosa was around because there was no need. He was absolutely in love with her and even now he didn’t question that. But still, it didn’t take long after her for him to realize there was more that he enjoyed just the same.

Understanding his bisexuality was the only gift of his loneliness so far, even if it had invited someone into his life as manipulative as Robert. But that was a problem for another day.

Returning to the living room, he got Carmensita’s attention once more. “Hey Sweetheart, Craig should be here soon, so I need to know you’re gonna be alright on your own.” Placing her book off to the side, she sat up straight and gave him her full attention.

“Lay it on me, dad.”

“Alright, there’s lunch and dinner in the fridge for you. Please don’t order any take out and if you do, leave me some. No friends, no parties, nothing illegal …”

“Dad ~” she whined. “You’re embarrassing me and I’m the only other person here.”

“I just want to make sure you’re gonna be safe” he insisted, continuing. “Keep your cellphone on you at all times, text me every now and again and when I come home you’d better be in bed.”

“Yes sir” Carmensita sighed, saluting him. Satisfied with her cooperation, Mat was about to settle down in the seat next to her when the doorbell rang, his heart almost stopping. “Sounds like your Dream Boat is here ~” Carmensita teased. He shot her a soft glare as she giggled, collected her things and headed back to her room. He stared at door.

_Okay, this is it. Oh God, I don’t think I’m ready…_

Nervously checking himself over one last time, he numbly walked over and opened the front door. There stood Craig, just as nervous looking as Mat. “H-Hey!” He said, smiling widely.

“Hey” Mat replied, smiling just the same.The two stood awkwardly for a moment before Craig offered a hug. Mat took it gladly, releasing a slow, long breath and relaxing in Craig’s warmth. That seemed to do the trick as they both were much calmer after letting go.

“You ready?” Craig asked, pointing to his car.

“Are you gonna tell me where we’re going?” Mat asked weakly. Craig chuckled.

“On the way I will.”

Mat still didn’t like the sounds of that, but at this point he was already in too deep to refuse. “Alright, well then I guess we should get going.” Locking up the house, the two walked down the driveway and made it into Craig’s car.

“Sorry about the baby powder smell” Craig muttered, settling into the driver’s seat and starting the engine. “I accidentally spilled half a bottle of the stuff in the back and it’s been hell trying to get the smell out.”

“It’s alright” Mat reassured, buckling his seat belt with nervous hands. “I’ve smelled worse things.” It didn’t take long before the two drove out of the neighborhood, the only sound coming from the gentle hum of the tires against the asphalt. Mat couldn’t help but notice they eventually made their way onto a freeway. “Uh …?” he said nervously.

Craig seemed to catch the hint. “There’s a festival the next town over” he explained. “There’s supposed to be carnival games, live music and good food. I thought it would be nice to go somewhere that’s new for both of us.” He faltered just for a moment. “Is … that alright?”

 _Oh, a festival?_ Mat thought, a surprised look written all over his face. “Yeah that’s fine.” He settled into his seat, allowing himself to relax. “It sounds fun, actually. I haven’t been to a festival in a while. Especially with live music.”

“I figured you’d like that” Craig laughed. “I read it was one of those set ups with multiple stages, so you have a lot to choose from.”

“Do you know who’s playing?”

Craig rattled off a few names, waving it off nonchalantly. “I mean that’s what I remember from the website, but I could be wrong.”

“Either way, I do recognize them” Mat smiled, getting excited at the prospect of live music.

“Oh yeah?” Craig asked, glancing at Mat. “Have you seen any of them live before?” Mat shook his head.

“Not all of them. A few have been on tour previously, but the tickets would either sell out the second they went on sale, or they were damn expensive.” He shrugged. “And… frankly I just haven’t really had the desire to go out of town for music nowadays.”

“Well I’m glad I’ll get to experience seeing them with you.” Craig said, earning a smile and blush from Mat. The two continued to talk the rest of the ride there, trying to figure out what else there was to do at the festival and whether or not there was an actual deep fried burger with donuts for buns. Craig didn’t want to believe that someone would create such an atrocity, but Mat knew mankind was a masochistic entity.

Exiting the freeway, Craig drove them through what looked like a replica of Maple Bay. It was a humble town, the sidewalks crowded with people heading off in the same direction as Mat and Craig. The streetlamps were decorated with banners advertising the local festival and after rolling down his window, Mat could slowly hear the distant sound of music. They eventually pulled into a makeshift parking lot that was almost entirely packed.

“Here we are!” Craig announced happily, taking a moment to stretch once he got out of the car. Mat followed suit, looking around at the pockets of people that walked towards the festival entrances. A thought came to him.

“So what’s this festival for, anyway?” he asked. Craig frowned, thinking.

“It’s like an artsy kind of festival” he explained. “The vendors show off their personal works while the rest of it is just fun and entertainment.” He paused, looking around. “But then, I don’t think you really need a reason to have a festival these days. People just do what they want.”

Mat chuckled. “Sounds about right.” The two headed to the entrance, where Craig purchased both their tickets, to the dismay of Mat, and stepped onto the festival grounds. Mat’s senses were immediately assaulted by bright colors, a sea of people, the heavy thump of music in his chest and the disgustingly sweet smell of deep fried death. Craig took care to stand close by to him and Mat’s heart felt at home.

“This looks great!” Craig exclaimed, excitedly looking at everything around them. He turned to Mat. “What do you want to do first?”

“Let’s look around” Mat suggested. “Maybe we’ll run across something.” Craig agreed and they both took to a casual stroll, passing by booths of ceramics, oil paintings, hand made dolls and even a tattoo area. Mat was tempted, but decided he wasn’t going to risk catching some disease from tools he wasn’t sure were actually clean.

Eventually, the pair came across the section of the festival that seemed to cater to the young and young at heart, arcade and carnival games surrounding them.

“That looks right up your alley.” Mat half chuckled as he pointed towards a hefty looking man who stood beside a Strongman Game. Despite how short the man was, his voice boomed a considerable distance.

“Come test your strength and see if you can get the top score and beat Mr. Strongman!!” he announced, waving around a comically large, red mallet.

Craig laughed, shaking his head. “Nah bro, those games are rigged.”

“Come on,” Mat bumped him at the shoulder playfully. “Do it for me?”

Craig didn’t need to be told twice. “A-Alright” he said, his face going red. Pushing up his sleeves, he puffed up his chest and the two approached the machine. The stout man caught sight of them and grinned widely.

“Looks like we got two contestants!” he said, chuckling heartily. He offered the mallet, which Craig took and examined.

“What do I get if I win?” he asked. The man thought for a moment.

“Just the coveted title of Strongest Man on Earth!” Mat and Craig exchanged wary glances, but Craig shrugged it off.

“Alright bro, sounds good to me.” Stepping up to the machine, Craig widened his stance. Gripping the mallet tightly, he lifted it above his head and brought it down with incredible force against the large button. The machine lights activated and climbed up the scale, Mat watching as it settled just two levels below the top.

“Oh, so close!” the man chuckled. Craig straightened up, frowning.

“Oh come on” he whined, tossing the mallet aside. “I put everything I had into that!” He looked at Mat. “I told you this game’s rigged to hell.”

“Yeah I know” Mat teased. “But it was nice to see you work.” Declining the man’s insistence to try it again, the two continued on. Neither felt like trying out the actual rides that were set up because they wanted to make it back home alive, but they did try out a few more arcade games. Walking up to a shooter game, Mat couldn’t help but eye the large stuffed animal prizes. The man behind the counter caught his gaze and smiled broadly.

“Are you folks ready to see how well you can shoot?” he asked. Mat and Craig shrugged, which the man took as a positive. “Excellent! Now all you have to do is take this toy rifle and shoot down as many bottles as you can. The more you hit, the better the prize. Who’s first?”

“I’m game!” Craig said, his excitement returning. He stepped up to the counter, the man handing him the small toy rifle. Mat looked on from the side, wondering if Craig had ever held a gun before. Lining up his shots, Craig managed to hit seven out of ten bottles, the last three just grazing the edges without knocking them down. He stood straight, smiling. “I think I did pretty well.”

“Congrats.” Mat said, clapping a little as the man rummaged behind the counter.

“Here’s your prize!” He offered Craig a medium sized duck that quacked if you squeezed it hard enough. He then directed his attention to Mat. “How about you sir?”

“Sure, I’ll give it a shot.” Mat and Craig switched places, Mat gripping the toy gun awkwardly in his hands. He never had owned a gun and did his best to avoid them. But the mechanics of them were simple and he had seen enough movies to have a vague idea how to aim properly. Lining himself up after the man had reset the bottles, he took his shots. He missed the first few, but adjusted his aim well enough that he could hit the rest. Overall, he managed to hit six out of ten. One less than Craig, but they weren’t competing. At least not to his knowledge.

“Dude, that’s awesome!” Craig said, clapping just as enthusiastically. Pleased with his effort, Mat was thrown off just a bit when the man handed him a stuffed animal that looked nothing like he was expecting a stuffed animal to look like.

“Uh … what is it?” Mat asked. The man shrugged, moving to help other customers. Frowning, he showed it to Craig. “Do you know what this is …?” he asked.

Craig took the stuffed animal, studying it for a moment before it came to him. “Ah! It’s a capybara.” Mat blinked, not at all helped by the name.

“A what?”

“A capybara.” Craig repeated, pleased with himself. “It’s a large rodent that’s native to South America.”

“How do you know that?” Mat asked, chuckling. Craig rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

“The girls were studying for a science test the other day and asked me to help out. I guess one of the important creatures they had to learn about were capybaras.” Mat nodded, looking over the doll once again before he decided he wasn’t too fond. Craig seemed to notice the look in his eyes and held out his own prize. “Wanna trade?”

“What are you gonna do with a camybara?” Mat asked, hesitant.

“Capybara” Craig corrected. “And I dunno, maybe I can see if River will like it. I’ve been meaning to get her a stuffed animal anyway. Come on, it’s no big deal.”

“...Alright.” The two traded and after inspecting the duck, Mat followed Craig as they continued exploring. They stopped for a few more games, each of them finding ones they were especially good at. Mat seemed best at ring tosses and Craig quickly turned pro at whack a mole. After a few hours of wandering around and playing games, the two decided to stop for food. Mat got into the spirit of things and ordered a plate of something deep fried and smothered in chocolate. Craig had a bit of a tougher time, debating on whether or not today should be a “cheat” day, or if he should try to keep to a healthy diet. He eventually settled on a thick ham sandwich that swam in it’s own grease.

Sitting together at a wooden table, the two got to eating. “How are you enjoying it so far?” Craig asked, sopping up his greasy food with the pile of napkins he commandeered. Mat thought as he chewed. Swallowing his bite, he answered.

“It’s more fun than I expected” he said. “I was a bit anxious at first, but I’m really enjoying myself.” He smiled. “Thanks for taking me here. It’s been awhile since I’ve done anything this adventurous.”

Craig laughed. “Really? You look like the adventurous type though.”

“Well I used to be anyway.” Mat paused in between eating, looking up in thought. “When I was younger, I would travel everywhere with this band. We’d perform at different, small venues and see loads of cities. We barely slept or ate. It was the best years of my life.”

“You were in a band?” Craig looked in awe. “Well why’d you stop?”

“You get old” Mat said simply. “Life catches up to you and suddenly living out your years in a van doesn’t seem so exciting. It’s why I came to Maple Bay. It seemed like a good place to settle.” He paused, thinking his next words over very carefully. “For the most part, I guess I was right.”

“I’m glad you chose Maple Bay” Craig said, taking a hesitant bite of his sandwich and swallowing as fast as possible so he didn’t have to taste the regret. “We wouldn’t have met otherwise.” He flashed another grin and Mat smiled back, blushing just a bit.

Finishing their meals, they could tell it was getting dark and that their time was running short. Wandering around with no real direction, they stumbled upon the music part of the festival, where several stages were set up for musical performances. Two of them seemed to have packed up early, but the last one still had an audience. “Hey look, the last band of the night is playing” Craig pointed to the stage, the band in question just walking out and introducing themselves. Their name rang a bell with Mat.

“Oh! I love their music!” he said excitedly, though he made no move to get closer and seemed to just want to admire them from afar. Craig looked over the crowd that had gathered and thought for a moment. It was sizeable, but no one seemed to be too rowdy and if they really wanted to, they could make it to the front and get a really great view. If that was the case, there wasn’t any point in watching where they stood.

“Do you want to go watch them?” Craig asked, earning a flustered look from Mat.

“O-Oh, I don’t know…” he stuttered, taking a step back. “I don’t … I don’t do well with crowds.”

A thought crossed Craig’s mind and before he could stop himself, he reached down and gripped Mat’s hand gently. “Don’t worry, I’m here with you.” He said, giving his hand a slight squeeze. Mat could not turn any redder. He seemed rooted in his spot however and Craig had to goad him on just a little more. “When are you gonna be able to do this again?”

Mat looked stumped, staring down at the ground in embarrassment. “I’m not … really sure.”

Craig smiled. “So take a chance.”

Mat wanted to refuse, but the look in Craig’s eyes, it reminded him of warmth and trust. It reminded him of someone who was genuine and that whatever happened, it was all going to be okay. “...Okay.”

Craig pulled him towards the stage as the first song began to play. Almost stumbling to the ground, Mat kept up with light steps, his anxiety slowly churning into that kind of excitement he hadn’t felt in a long time. The two made it to the back end of the crowd and with the help of Craig’s broad shoulders and Mat’s ability to weave through people easily, the pair made it to the front.

Mat brightened up as he watched the band play, certain that if he reached out he could touch the lead singer. He hadn’t heard this particular band before, but Craig seemed to be enjoying them as each song played out. Every now and again he would look over at Mat, who was now fully immersed in the experience. He smiled and when Mat noticed him looking, he smiled back too. It was warm and invited intimacy, but both let the moment pass and instead focused on enjoying the music.

About an hour later, the sun began to set and the band announced their last song of the night. The crowd at this point had all collectively sat on the grass, hollering and cheering as the band began to play for the last time. It was a slow melody, reminiscent of the hippie era and the crowd gently swayed to the rhythm. Mat sighed, the music putting him in a relaxing trance. He hardly noticed that he had leaned up against Craig, resting his head on his shoulder. Turning red, Craig leaned back against him.

Once the song had finished, everyone began to clap. Mat seemed to perk up again, pulling away from Craig to join them. The absence of his warmth made Craig’s heart sink, but he had been happy he got to enjoy it at all. With the band exiting the stage, the crowd began to disperse. The two stood up, stretching out. With the darkness fast approaching, the carnival seemed to be coming to an end and the crowds of people slowly made their way out.

“Come on” Craig said, gesturing in the direction of the exit. “I got one more place for us to visit.” Smiling widely, Mat nodded, following him out of the festival grounds and back to the car. Piling in, the two set off on the road again, the sun slowly making it’s way below the horizon. Not paying much attention to the road, Mat sighed as he stared at the sky. The setting sun released an explosion of red and orange, bleeding into black and blue. Sinking lower and lower, the harsh colors soon faded into pink and purple, before quietly being consumed by the black of total darkness. He could see the faint freckles of stars, but the light of traffic drowned them out.

“Mat?” He perked up, looking at Craig. The car was stopped and Craig had a hand on his shoulder. He smiled gently. “We’re here.”

“R-Right, sorry” Mat apologized, hastily getting out of the car. It was then that he realized they had parked out on the street, next to an open field. They had returned to Maple Bay and seemed to have made it back at a time where most people were heading home for the night. Following Craig once more, the two walked out onto the grass at a leisurely pace.

“I think sunsets are pretty cool” Craig started after a long silence. “But I like the darkness a bit more. It helps me relax.” Reaching the top of a hill, the two stopped and Craig sat down on the ground. Mat followed, the two looking out at the rest of the area. They seemed to be truly alone.

“It reminds me of all the nights I couldn’t sleep” Mat admitted sheepishly, looking up at the stars that seemed to be peeking out more than before. “But … the silence is nice.”

Craig hummed a response, the two falling quiet once more. They were soon joined by the soft chirp of crickets and the hooting of a distant owl. Mat wasn’t sure of the time and didn’t bother to check. Instead, he sat there, eyes half lidded and listened to his own heart beat thump softly and rhythmically in his chest.

Next to him, Craig decided to lay down, hands laced behind his head as a makeshift pillow, eyes closed in quiet contemplation. Mat looked down at him, his gaze tracing the outline of Craig’s jaw and down his neck, stopping at the collar of his shirt. He looked away before Craig could catch him and simply enjoyed his presence.

“Ready to head out?” Craig asked sometime later. Mat nodded, hiding his blush, and the two walked back. Mat seemed to distract himself with the events of the day, because it felt like only a moment had passed before he found himself at his own doorstep. “Did you have fun?” Craig asked, looking nervous.

“Yeah” Mat answered softly, smiling. “It was really great …”

Craig sighed in relief. “G-Great. I was worried you were gonna be too nervous to go somewhere totally new.”

“Admittedly, I was in the beginning …” Mat scratched his cheek. “But … I trust you.”

Craig blinked, a deep blush crossing his face as he genuinely smiled. “That … means a lot to me.” Craig looked down and reached over, taking Mat’s hands into his own. Mat flinched slightly, but didn’t pull away. “So I guess … I’ll see you tomorrow?” Craig asked, his thumbs gently caressing the back of Mat’s hands.

Mat bit his lip, a shiver running up his spine that took all his energy to hide. “Mmm…” was all he could manage. Giving his hands a gentle squeeze, Craig offered one last smile before leaning in a giving Mat a quick peck on the cheek.

“Goodnight.” Without another word, he let go and headed back home, leaving a thoroughly stunned and embarrassed looking Mat to fumble for his keys before retreating inside.


	7. Cherophobia

**Hey bro! ;)**

It had been 45 minutes since Mat’s phone alerted him of an early morning text and he did everything in his power to buy himself some time before etiquette forced him to answer. _Just answer him, it’s not a big deal._ He thought as he crossed the street, heading towards the Coffee Spoon. _He’s just being friendly. This is a friendly thing._  

 _No, this isn’t friendly._ Another thought came to mind. _He used a winky face. That makes it more than just friendly._

_What’s wrong with winky faces? You used winky faces before. Joseph sends you winky faces, it doesn’t mean anything._

_Yeah but that’s Joseph. He sends whatever faces his kids teach him because he thinks it’ll get people to like him more. Craig is more calculating._

_Okay, so what if it does mean something more? You like him, don’t you? He clearly likes you too, otherwise he wouldn’t have asked you out in the first place. Let yourself be happy for once and text him back._

He stopped, standing in front of the Coffee Spoon entrance. It was dark inside and he stared at his reflection in the window for a moment, mulling over his own inner turmoil. Coming to a decision, he pulled out his phone and sent a text before he could change his mind.

**Hey ;)**

Pushing back the thought that maybe the emoji was a bit much and that he had made a horrible mistake, he unlocked the entrance. He hadn’t even pushed the door fully open before his phone buzzed again with another message. If there was any silver lining, it was that Craig was a fast texter, killing any sort of suspense and regret Mat would have felt otherwise.

**You like cats, right?**

Mat blinked, rereading the text. That wasn’t what he was expecting. He replied, unsure of where the conversation was going.

**Yeah … why do you ask?**

**I found something you might like, but I can’t tell you what it is yet. I’ll bring it with me to the Coffee Spoon. ;)**

**Please tell me it’s not an actual cat.**  

**Nope! But that’s all I’m giving away. See you later bro!**

**Haha, alright see you.**

Mat put his phone away, a new kind of anxiety filling his chest. Normally he would have hated the idea of a surprise and would have badgered Craig about it until he caved. But given their recent date, Mat couldn’t stop himself from feeling something akin to excitement. He smiled at the thought, his face flushing just a bit.

He spent the next half hour or so setting up the Coffee Spoon, falling into his usual routine. Giving the floor a quick sweep, he started placing the chairs down in their normal spots when he heard the bell to the entrance jingle. He looked up and his smile immediately fell. He watched in silence as Robert walked in and took his usual spot by the window. Mat visibly froze in place, though it seemed like Robert was pointedly ignoring him, keeping his gaze out the window. Mat took a moment to think. It was kind of an awkward situation given the whole Craig thing, but if Robert wasn’t going to bring it up, Mat wasn’t going to either.

_Does he even know about my date with Craig … ?_

Putting down the last few chairs, Mat went behind the counter and quietly made the coffee that both men shared every time Robert came to visit. Once it had finished brewing, he poured it into two mugs, surprised that he was able to keep his hands steady. Robert’s presence was making him stressed out for sure, but somehow he was managing to internalize it better than normal. Carefully, he brought both cups over to Robert’s table, sitting across from him. Giving him an acknowledging nod, Robert took his coffee.

They both looked out the window in quiet contemplation, when Robert broke the silence. “I heard Mary snitched about me” he said, his expression not at all sorry. Mat had to remember what Robert was referencing.

“Oh … yeah, she did.” Mat looked down at his coffee, frowning. He could feel a knot forming in his stomach.

Robert snorted, narrowing his eyes as he kept looking out the window. “You can’t trust anyone these days.”

“Well what did you expect? You know she doesn’t agree with what you’re doing.”

“What _I’m_ doing?” Robert locked eyes with him and a tense silence fell between them. Mat’s heartbeat quickened; it was never a good idea to accuse Robert of anything. It was hard enough to try and get him to admit to his faults when he was in a good mood that it was impossible to do it otherwise. Even if it was blatantly true. He leaned forward, Mat moving back just as much. He spoke in a near whisper, smooth and almost threatening. “What does she think I’m doing? Does she think I’m hurting you? Manipulating you?” Mat opened his mouth to respond, but Robert cut him off. “Mary has no idea what’s going on between you and I. Any opinion she has is based on pure conjecture.” He stared down Mat for another moment before leaning back slowly in his chair. “What did you tell her?”

Mat swallowed thickly, his ears burning from the surge of anxiety. “I … I told her I was fine.”

Robert smiled, seemingly approving the answer. “Good.” The silence returned between them as they sipped their coffee. He didn’t like these kinds of talks with Robert because it made him feel like he had to prove to him that nothing was jeopardizing their so called relationship. Normally that would have just been it and they could move on, but Craig was now in the equation, whether or not Robert realized. Mat had the feeling Craig wasn’t going to be so discreet about his affections when he brought whatever cat related present for him later that day and if Robert was going to be here to witness it, Mat wasn’t sure he would be able to play it off as just a friendly gesture.

 _Whose feelings do you care about more?_  

Numbly finishing his drink, Mat excused himself from the table and decided he needed to distract himself with setting up the rest of the shop. Robert let him be as he swept and organized things behind the counter and it wasn’t long until his first customer walked through the door, signalling the beginning of his shift.

It took a bit of concentration but Mat was finally able to engage with each customer, politely taking their orders and making their drinks. He got into a quiet rhythm that distracted him enough that he had only realized Robert left when the front entrance jingled. Pausing in between drinks to watch the door swing closed, Mat didn’t want to dwell too much on Robert’s unusually early departure. He simply chalked it up to the man needing to have a few words with Mary; a problem that wasn’t his for now. Shoulders relaxing from the ache of keeping them unconsciously tense, Mat could feel himself move a little more fluidly, his mind much clearer.

Just like always, Craig walked into the Coffee Spoon at 10 am and Mat could feel himself immediately flush. The two shared a knowing look as Craig quietly stepped in line, a small gift bag held loosely by his side. A rush of excitement hit Mat as he nervously dealt with his current customer, praying he wouldn’t just outright drop the incredibly hot coffee in his hand when he handed it over. There were still two more customers between him and Craig, so Mat had to pace himself, trying not to rush through them or make it too obvious that he was doing exactly that.

After what felt like years, Craig finally slid up to the counter, a smile planted on his face that matched Mat’s. “Hey ~” he said, his tone almost exactly matching the winky emoji face. His cheeks hinted at the lightest shade of pink.

“H-Hey” Mat replied, keeping his shaking hands behind the cash register. Craig lifted the bag in view, wiggling it just slightly.

“Got you a little something” He reiterated, handing the bag over. Mat took it gingerly, surprised to feel a bit of weight to whatever was inside. “I hope you like it.” Placing it on the counter, Mat opened the bag and reached inside. He pulled out a white box, housing the gift. Pushing the bag aside, he opened the top of the somewhat flimsy box and could feel his heart skip a beat. Inside, he could see the top of what looked like a small succulent plant. Careful not to disturb the plant, he gripped the pot it was in and pulled it out into view. It was shaped like a chubby cat’s head, the top of it brandishing the succulent. It was colored like a tabby, it’s goofy smile hitting Mat in all the right emotional places.

_This is adorable, holy shit._

He stared at it for a long time, unaware of how big his smile had gotten. Craig’s laugh brought him back to the present. “Do you … like it?” Craig asked, his expression sincerely anxious. “I know you said you liked cats and you have a lot of plants around here, so I didn’t think it would be too out there.”

“I love it, it’s so adorable” Mat said shyly, shrugging his shoulders in embarrassment. Craig watched the other man with an intimate expression for just a moment.

“I - I’m glad” He stumbled. Stuttering his way through his usual order, Craig was even more delightfully surprised when Mat offered him the drink “on the house.” Taking it and, with a squeeze of Mat’s hand, Craig left. Mat watched him go, sighing as he was once against left alone with his creeping anxiety in the back of his mind.

**...**

“What should we name it?”

“I don’t know, but he looks like a he to me…”

It was about 9 pm and Mat was walking home with Carmensita in tow. She decided to spend her afternoon and evening at the Coffee Spoon, delighted that there was a new cat themed succulent sitting on the counter. Mat explained where it had come from and she spent a good portion of the afternoon asking for details and if it meant what she thought it meant. Mat had merely shrugged, making her impatient to learn more.

As they walked, Mat looked over the succulent that Carmensita was carefully carrying in her hands. “I guess I could see that” he replied thoughtfully. “Are you gonna put it anywhere in particular?”

“I dunno” she said thoughtfully. “Maybe the kitchen, or the living room. Maybe my room.”

“Make sure he gets a lot of sunlight either way.”

“Do succulents need a lot of sun?”

He frowned, unsure of the answer. “Uh … well we could always just look it up. Don’t want to risk burning it to death."

Carmensita nodded in understanding. “Does he know you like it?” she asked.

“I made sure he knew, yes.”

“Are you going to date him now?”

Mat chuckled, caught off guard by the direct question. “I don’t know about that Sweetheart.”

Carmensita stopped walking, Mat stopping after a few more steps. He looked back at her, confused. “Why not?” she asked, her expression almost hurt. “Don’t you like him?”

“I … of course I do.” he said slowly, turning to face her completely. “But feelings are a lot more complicated than that.”

“Does he like you?”

“I would say so, yes.”

“Then I don’t understand …” She frowned. “Is it because he’s not mom?”

He winced visibly, going tight lipped for only a moment. The two stood there, a slight wind picking up around them. He finally held out his hand. “Come on, let’s keep walking. It’s getting pretty cold.” She watched him for a minute, dissecting his silence in her head before she reached out and gripped his hand, letting him gently pull her along on their walk once more. She spoke up again after a few silent minutes.

“Are you afraid?” she asked quietly, looking up at him tentatively.

“Of what?” he answered, his gaze on the path ahead. Carmensita hesitated before continuing.

“... Of finding someone else that makes you happy like she did?”

He paused.

“...Yeah.”

**...**

Mat awoke the next day, his mind still on the conversation he had with Carmensita the night before. He often underestimated her perception of the world around her, especially when it came to his own relationships. He knew she wasn’t completely oblivious, but it just surprised him the kind of questions she asked if he was being stubborn. It made him worry about what else she knew about him that he hadn’t disclosed. 

Laying in bed for a few more minutes, he heard the sound of running water from the kitchen.

 _Carmensita must be watering the succulent …_ he thought, though he wasn’t entirely sure. The house could have been flooding for all he knew. Getting up, he threw on a shirt and after using the bathroom to clean himself up and get ready for the morning, he headed to the kitchen. Just like he had initially expected, Carmensita’s attention was on the succulent. She was moving the freshly watered plant around, trying to decide where it looked the nicest.

“Morning” he announced, heading for coffee maker. He pulled out a jar of a coffee blend from the cabinets above him and got to making his morning cup.

“Morning” Carmensita answered, distracted by her current task. Placing the plant on the counter next to the cookie jar and stack of cookbooks, she stepped back and examined it thoughtfully. “Which do you think would look better” she asked. “By the cookie jar or on the coffee table in the living room?”

Putting the coffee machine to work, Mat redirected his attention to the question. He studied the plant in its current position, memorizing it carefully. He then gestured towards the living room. “Let’s see it on the coffee table.” Moving quickly, Carmensita picked up the plant and went into the living room to place it on the coffee table, Mat in tow. Turning it a few times to get the best angle, she stepped back once more and watched Mat’s thinking face. 

“What’s the verdict?” she asked, mimicking his expression. He mulled over his options, weighing them both as unbiased as possible. This was a serious decision, after all.

“Let’s keep it in the kitchen” he finally decided. Agreeing, Carmensita picked it up one more time and placed the well traveled plant in it’s designated area. Pleased with it as well, Carmensita went about preparing breakfast for herself. A few minutes of comfortable silence passed, the both of them reconvening at the kitchen table. Carmensita had a simple bowl of cereal with a glass of orange juice and Mat had a cup of coffee paired with a bagel covered in cream cheese. After take a few sips of his coffee, Mat struck up conversation.

“Listen, Sweetheart. I wanted to talk to you about last night.” Carmensita gave him her attention, putting her spoon down carefully. He continued. “I do like Craig. He’s sweet and kind and he really cares about his family …” Carmensita nodded, letting him continue without interruption. “And .. he’s made it obvious that he likes me as well. He’s initiated a lot of the more … intimate interactions between us -”

“Gross.”

“- and the last thing I want to do is send him on this wild goose chase.” He paused, giving her a chance to reply. She put on a thinking face, stirring her cereal.

“Well I think if you like someone, you should date them.” She said simply. “You did the same thing with mom, so this shouldn’t be any different. Right?”

“You’re right …” he sighed at the simplicity of her answer. “It really shouldn’t be that different. But when I was with your mother, I thought she was the one. I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with her and have the both of us die together like some deluded fantasy.” He sighed. “When you lose someone like that … it’s hard to feel like anyone else can take their place.”

“They don’t have to” Carmensita frowned. “You’re still allowed to like someone, even if you’re not together anymore. And if you asked, I don’t think mom would mind if you dated Mr. Craig. I think she would be happy that you found someone else.” She resumed eating her food, shrugging. “If someone really cares about you, it doesn’t matter to them what makes you happy. As long as you're not sad anymore, right?”

“Mmm …” Mat nodded, mulling over her words. His heart grew a little heavy, but the weight was less of a burden and more of a gentle tug. Memories surfaced, reminding him of how he had felt so many years ago when he was in Rosa’s presence. He realized they were coming back again whenever he looked at Craig and if he didn’t ignore them with Rosa, it would have been a disservice to himself and her memory to ignore them now. “Thank you for your honesty, sweetheart.”

“You’re welcome, dad.” Moving on to different topics, they finished their breakfast and parted ways. Carmensita headed back to her room to allegedly work on some homework and Mat had decided he needed to make a phone call. Making the call in his room for privacy, the phone rang twice before Craig answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey Craig, it’s Mat.”

“Hey bro! What’s up?”

“Oh, not much …” Mat said, trying to ease himself into the conversation. “Are you doing anything tomorrow night?”

Craig hummed in thought. “Not that I can think of off the top of my head ...”

“Do you want to come over for dinner? Just the two of us?”

“Really? Of course! I’d love to have dinner at your place” He slowly added, “I’ve been wanting some alone time with you for a while now …”

Mat bit his lip, feeling himself turn red. “I’d like that too ...” He replied quietly, earning a soft chuckle from Craig that made his entire body tingle.

 _God, why am I such a nerd …_  

“S-So how about 6?” Mat said, flustered. 

“Sounds good” Craig replied. “I’ll see you tomorrow at 6!”

The two said their goodbyes and hung up. The room was quiet as he thought, now trying to remember if he had anything at home for such an occasion. Initiating a mini expedition, he made his way to the kitchen and rummaged through the cabinets and refrigerator. There didn’t seem to be anything that screamed ‘romantic dinner for two’ and Mat made up his mind. “Carmensita!” He called across the house. A moment passed before he could hear her yell back in response, her voice muffled by her closed bedroom door. 

“Yeah?”

“I’m going food shopping later. Wanna come?”

“Yes please!”

“Alright!”

 _Huh,_ he thought. _That was simple enough._

That afternoon, Mat and Carmensita wandered down the aisle of the local supermarket. Mostly there because she had nothing else to do, Carmensita picked at some grapes, sneaking one or two in her mouth while Mat watched. “You’re not slick” he said, earning a glare from her as she ate another one. Turning his attention back to the vegetables, he went into quiet contemplation about some lettuce heads.

“What are you thinking about?” Carmensita asked a few moments later, rejoining him. He sighed, placing the lettuce back as it didn’t pass his standards.

“I’m not sure what kind of food he likes …” Mat frowned, trying to think of everything he had ever seen Craig eat, which wasn’t much. “… and I don’t want to be a cop out and get him something basic. Then he’ll think I’m unoriginal and bland.”

“You’re not unoriginal” Carmensita reassured, giving him a sympathetic pat on his arm. “Isn’t he like a health nut? You could literally make anything super healthy and he would probably love it.”

“He might have preferences. Or worse, food allergies.” The two stopped and shuddered at the thought of accidentally killing someone over a bad choice in cuisine. If either of them were going to jail, it wasn’t going to be on involuntary manslaughter.

“Well, maybe you can just ask him what he likes?” She offered. “It doesn’t have to be specific.”

“I suppose I could, but I was hoping to keep it a surprise. If he knows, then it’ll be less special.” It had been a while since he had made any sort of special dinner for anyone. It was an intimate affair and he reserved it for special occasions with the people that meant the most to him. Craig certainly toed the line of that coveted list. The two wandered down the aisle in quiet contemplation, their cart slowly being filled with various healthy options and the occasional candy snuck in by Carmensita. Mat took this trip not only to shop for the dinner date, but also to fill up their fridge in general.

“What about spaghetti?” Carmensita suggested.

“That’s incredibly specific” Mat said, raising an eyebrow. “Not to mention very messy.”

“Yeah, but they had spaghetti in Lady and the Tramp and it was pretty romantic.” She countered.

“Sweetheart, I don’t think spaghetti has the structural integrity to allow you to do that in real life. It’s also … not that cute.”

Carmensita pouted, but continued thinking. The two found their way to the meat section and she perked up once more. “What about a steak dinner?" 

“Everyone makes a steak dinner …”

“But it’s nice! And this is your first dinner with him. Be classic.” She could see his indecisive expression and she pushed once more. “Just be basic for once, dad. He’s gonna like it no matter what.”

He really couldn’t fight her logic. He could already hear Craig’s voice in his head, telling him how thoughtful and delicious the dinner was and that he couldn’t wait to eat dinner with him again soon. He smiled at the thought and decided she was right. Settling on the steak, he grabbed a good looking slice and collected a few more vegetable to go along with the meat. He had also picked up ingredients for a dark chocolate lava cake because if there was anything he was excellent at, it was creating delicious desserts.

_I hear chocolate is also an aphrodisiac, but that’s just coincidence._

Satisfied with his decision, Mat went ahead and purchased most of what was in his cart. He allowed one candy bar for Carmensita and rejected the rest. It wasn’t long before they made it back home and unpacked the car. Mat brought in most of the groceries while Carmensita seemed to carry a few, more lighter ones. They packed everything away and Mat couldn’t help but feel the butterflies in his stomach become more intense. He prayed everything would go according to plan.

**...**

Time seemed to pass so slowly, now that he had something to look forward to. But it kept moving forward as it always did and Mat eventually found himself in the kitchen around 5 pm the next night. He was carefully watching the steak cook, poking at it obsessively. Around him, the kitchen looked like it had gone through hell and back, pieces of vegetable and patches of flour littering the place. He tried his best to be cleaner than normal, but the anxiety of the night couldn’t have made him any messier. He knew that after he had finished cooking, he’d have to do his best to clean up and make it look at least a little more presentable. The kitchen functioned as the dining area as well, after all.

The rest of the hour saw him place the dinner aside to cool off at a slow pace, quickly clean up his mess and run back into the bathroom after becoming indecisive once again over his choice of outfit. _It’s fine, everything's fine. You’re just overreacting again for no reason. Chill out._ Convincing himself that nothing had gone wrong yet, he spent the remainder of his time fiddling and reorganizing the table before the doorbell rang. He perked up and couldn’t stop himself from being as nervous as he was on their first date. _Does this count as a second date?_

Shaking his hands as if it helped get rid of his anxiety, he opened the door and was greeted by Craig. The two smiled and shared their usual hug, this time exchanging cheek kisses before letting go. “How are you?” Mat asked, ushering him inside.

“I’m pretty great!” Craig said, stepping in as directed. “It was a little busier for me than usual today, but I think I managed it pretty well.” Closing the front door behind him, Mat took a moment to examine the other man. Now that he had mentioned it, Craig did look exceptionally tired. But not in a way that suggested lack of sleep. No, something else was going on.

“I’m glad you could still make it” Mat said, deciding to drop his suspicions.

“Of course!” Craig reached out and took Mat’s hand, squeezing gently. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Mat went just as red as Craig and, instead of letting go, he gently pulled Craig into the dining area, the smell of delicious food wafting into the air. As soon as he saw the table, Craig’s jaw dropped. Decorated with simple plates and utensils, the real center of attention went to the seemingly endless bowls of salad, mashed potatoes, toasted bread and of course, the well done steak. A bottle of wine also adorned the table and the combined smell of food made Craig’s mouth water. “I spent all day cooking” Mat said sheepishly. “I really hope you like it … even if it’s kinda basic.”

Craig turned to him, a shimmer in his eyes. “I love it” he said simply. The two sat down and dug into the food. Mat let Craig fill his plate first, mostly just to see how much he would eat so that he himself would eat a similar amount.

“So what have you been up to?” Craig asked, taking a bite of his food.

“Nothing incredibly out of the ordinary” Mat said, carefully watching Craig’s expression as he chewed. “How do you like it?”

“Probably one of the better things I’ve eaten in a long time” Craig confirmed, taking another large mouthful. “You did a good job!” Satisfied with his answer, Mat started eating as well and took a moment to expand on his own answer. “I’ve been mostly focusing on the Coffee Spoon. It’s been getting really chilly recently and fall isn’t too far away. So I’ve been coming up with some fall themed drinks to offer in a few weeks time.”

“What kind of flavors?” Craig asked, curious.

“Peppermint, gingerbread, pumpkin spice, cranberry, etc.” Mat listed off. “There’s a few more, but I can’t really recall them at the moment." 

“Those sound delicious! And … also incredibly sugary.”

Mat chuckled. “Maybe. But on that note, you really should try something different. You get the same thing every day.”

“I like what I get!” Craig defended. “You recommended it to me and as we both know, you haven’t recommended anything else.”

“Were you really going to wait for me to offer you something else?” Mat asked, surprised. “You weren’t just going to pick something on your own?”

“Well … yeah.” Craig shrugged, looking down at his food embarrassed. “I trust you.” 

Mat smiled, the butterflies in his stomach returning. “I trust you too.” The two moved on to different topics of conversation. They mostly talked about their families, where they came from before Maple Bay and somehow ended up on discussing the other dads in the cul de sac.

“Damien is a good person” Mat said confidently, pouring the both of them another glass of wine. He wasn’t sure how many they had at that point, but he certainly wasn’t feeling drunk. At most, a little buzzed. “He comes off as a little scary, but just talk to him for a bit and he’ll romance the pants off of you if he’s interested.”

Craig laughed, finding it a little harder to take his time drinking. “I’ve met him a few times. He does seem nice after a while. He’s also a pretty fashionable dresser. I don’t know anyone else that can pull off Victorian inspired dressage.” He thought over his next few words, pushing his empty place off to the side. “What do you think about Robert?”

Mat snorted, swirling his drink lazily. “He’s interesting” he said. “He’s not a bad guy, but he’s not a people person. He really likes knives and movie credits. I’m pretty sure at this point, all his blood has been replaced with whiskey.”

“Does he hang out with anyone?”

“Mary is his best friend. He also appreciates Damien.”

“Mmm ~” Craig nodded, accepting the information. He opened his mouth as if wanting to add something else, but decided against it. Instead, he switched topics. “I guess we should start cleaning up around here huh?” He gestured at the table and it was only then that Mat realized they had been talking much longer than they took to eat.

“Don’t worry about it!” he said, waving Craig off. “I’ll clean it myself.”

“Are you sure?” Craig asked, frowning. “I don’t usually like to leave my own mess behind.”

Mat stood up from his seat, but not before finishing off the last bit of his drink. “You’re fine. Come on, it’s pretty late. I’ll walk you home.” Craig chuckled as Mat took his hand and pulled him to his feet. He could tell the alcohol was hitting the both of them, just enough to bring their guard down. Leading him outside by the hand, Mat eventually walked close enough to Craig that their shoulders never stopped touching. Their pace was slow, Craig adjusting his hand so that their fingers were laced together.

It didn’t take long for them to end up at Craig’s door. They stopped, still holding hands and Craig leaning up against his door. They stared at each other for a moment, both of them smiling a little more goofy than usual.

“I had a good time” Craig said first, his tone gentle and quiet. “Thank you for inviting me … I needed the company.” He watched as Mat thought about what to say in return. It didn’t amount to any words and instead, his heart almost stopped as Mat leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. Their bodies pressed up against each other and it was warm and sweet. Mat was the first to break the kiss, pulling back entirely.

“S-Sorry…” he mumbled, looking down in embarrassment. As he processed the moment, he became more flustered. “I-I didn’t mean to - I shouldn’t have -” Mat froze when he felt Craig cup his cheek. He looked at him tentatively, Craig looking absolutely content.

“Don’t worry about it” Craig said, chuckling. “It was nice …” he stroked Mat’s cheek with his thumb, their faces slowly coming closer together. “Do you think … we could do it again?” Mat didn’t need to be told twice and the two shared their second kiss that night. Mat’s hands found their way to Craig’s hips and laughed in the kiss when he felt Craig run his hands through his hair. After a moment, the two parted once more, this time their bodies still touching.

They stood there, silently enjoying each other’s presence before Mat decided he had to go back home. They shared one last quick kiss before separating, Mat only leaving after Craig went inside. The walk home was short and the rest of his night was quiet, Mat eventually making it to his bed. Laying heavily, he let out a deep sigh, his eyes heavy from wine. Before he could dwell on the night's event, he drifted off to sleep.


	8. Like an Old Friend

Craig breathed in the fresh air, exhaling sharply. He stood at the edge of the forest, finishing his quick stretch session. He had hoped that engaging in a little bit of physical activity before his run would calm his anxiety, but nothing really seemed to help. He had woken up that morning with that familiar heaviness in his chest, but he couldn’t understand where it came from. Most of the time, it was something to do with Ashley or work. But thinking back as best he could, he couldn’t find anything that could have agitated him that morning. It just seemed to happen and for him, that was the worst kind of anxiety.

Deciding to just push it aside like he always did, he started on his run. He chose a leisurely pace, freshly fallen leaves crunching underneath his steps. He hadn’t brought his headphones this time; listening to the world on the days he felt like this were better at keeping him calm throughout his workout.

The trail was pretty smooth, every now again opening to a campsite that piqued his interest. He wasn’t sure when he last went camping, but he knew it had been long enough. Briefly, he wondered if Mat ever went camping. Maybe one day they could go on a trip together for a weekend. His mind lingered on Mat and their last night together. The man had graciously cooked a delicious dinner for the both of them and he had the courage to kiss Craig first. He recalled how soft and gentle Mat felt and he could feel his anxiety ebb away, just for a moment. Ever since that night, Craig had been wondering what that meant for their relationship. Neither of them said the “B” word yet and made anything official, but did that mean that they couldn’t keep moving forward?

Craig frowned slightly. He wasn’t one to toy with anyone’s feelings and if he was interested in someone, it was the real deal. Granted, he knew only a little of Mat’s dating history, but the man seemed to be the committed type and Craig took that as permission to pursue the barista. So far, Mat wasn’t pushing him back.

_But what if you overstep somehow? What if he’s not expecting this to go farther than a few months?_

He shook his head; he was just being silly. They were both adults and he assumed were past the whole “casual dating” phase. Even if one of them weren’t, they’d mention it ... right?

The path continued to wind and as he took another turn, he spotted something up ahead. It was a beat up truck parked off to the side of the trail and at first Craig assumed someone had it abandoned. But when Robert climbed out of the driver’s seat, he slowed down.

“Hey bro!” Craig greeted, Robert jumping a bit at the sudden voice. He looked around, and his eyes fell on Craig who stopped a few feet away.

“Hey” Robert grunted back, crossing his arms.

“What are you doing out here?” Craig asked, tilting his head a bit. Robert blinked slowly, looking down the trail ahead of them.

“Just wanted some alone time and nature seems like a good place for that.” Craig nodded slowly in agreement.

“I get that.” They fell silent once more and Craig was about to head off again when Robert interrupted.

“I see you at the Coffee Spoon a lot” he said, looking Craig up and down, acknowledging him.

“Oh” Craig said, surprised. “Really? I don’t think I’ve seen you though …?”

Robert chuckled. “I’m usually in the corner, observing the crowd.”

“Do you not like people?” he asked, remembering how little Robert seemed to socialize at the very first barbecue Craig attended.

“Only a few” Robert said with confidence. “Most of the people living in the neighborhood are good, honest people. The others you have to watch out for.”

“I’m sure everyone means well” Craig said, chuckling. “Though the only person I’ve gotten to know is Mat.”

“I could have guessed that” Robert said, his smile a little more tight lipped than he intended. Luckily, Craig didn’t catch it. “I’ve seen you hang out with him pretty often …”

“Yeah!” Craig smiled, puffing up his chest a little in pride. “We hung out for a while and I thought that he was pretty cute you know? So I just kinda asked him out one day and now I’m pretty sure we’re dating.”

“Is that so …” Robert chuckled at this, making Craig smile nervously in return. Despite their pleasant conversation, Craig wasn’t entirely sure he liked Robert. Especially considering he never intended to meet the man in the middle of the forest. But he wasn’t going to write him off just yet. “How long have you two been dating?”

“Well see, that’s the part that’s a little fuzzy to me” Craig admitted, looking a little embarrassed. “We haven’t exactly uh … made things official. It’s been a slow process.”

“I see…” Another long silence fell between them and Craig was almost convinced that was the end of the conversation when Robert spoke up again. “Let’s have a beer sometime. On me.”

Craig blinked at the abrupt topic change, but didn’t say much in the matter. “A-Ah, that’s really nice of you …” He started, rubbing the back of his neck and smiling politely. “But, I don’t drink anymore …”

“Didn’t you say something about being a keg stand champion at the barbecue?” Robert leaned back against his truck, a sly grin crossing his face. “Got anymore of that wild in ya?”

“I don’t know …” Craig frowned. It was true he had been sober for at least a decade and he learned to like it that way. Robert was also a stranger and all his knowledge of the man amounted to nothing. Craig wasn’t sure if he could be trusted, especially since he was already pushing him to drink. What would it be like once they were at the bar? “Why would you want to go with me? We don’t exactly know each other that well …”

Robert played with his jacket sleeves, his gaze breaking away from Craig. “I know a lot of what you do around here. You got three kids, you take two of them to play some sports … you’re exercising all the time and from what I know, you have an online business of sorts. Seems like a lot for a single dad.”

Craig looked confused. _Had I really offered up all that information the first time we met?_

When he didn’t answer right away, Robert continued. “I’m just offering you a night to relax, that’s all. No funny business.”

“I’ll...think about it” Craig said, eyeing the rest of the trail. “Anyway, I should get going …”

“Don’t let me keep you” Robert grunted. “Nice talking to you, Cahn.” With a final nod, Craig took off and thought about their conversation. He wasn’t sure he would take Robert up on his offer. He didn’t plan on drinking again and had healthier ways of coping with his stress.

_Well okay, maybe they’re not that healthy … but no one has to know, right?_

He wanted to look back, but decided not to and kept moving forward. If he had, he knew he would have met Robert’s eyes, watching him.

**…**

It was a quiet afternoon, Mat spending it at home with Carmensita. She was off in her own room doing who knows what, while he was occupying the living room. He held a notepad, writing down whatever came to mind as a sort of meditative exercise. The house smelled of lavender from the candle that Carmensita brought from school the other day. Mat wasn’t mad at the smell, but it wasn’t his favorite.

Putting down his notepad for a moment, he checked his phone. He had texted Craig earlier, but the other man didn’t seem to be available. Mat’s heart dropped a bit; he had hoped that the two would be able to talk a bit more, now that their relationship seemed to have gotten a little more serious. At the moment, it seemed the opposite was happening. He shook his head, putting his phone back in his pocket.

_He’s just busy. He can’t always be available. Don’t be clingy, Mat._

Trying to recall the last time Craig hadn’t answered his phone almost right away, he was pulled from his thoughts when there was a knock at the front door. Getting off the couch heavily and reminding himself how old he was getting, he opened the door and came face to face with Robert.

It was as if all the wind was knocked out of him. “Robert” Mat said, a surge of anxiety coursing through his body. Robert never visited him at his own home, a fact they had agreed on when their whole affair started.

_Something is very, very wrong._

“We gotta talk” Robert growled, slinking his way past Mat and walking into the house.

“What about …?” Mat asked tentatively, closing the front door slowly behind him. Robert made a beeline for the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets. Mat walked in after him, watching him go through his drawers.

“Where do you keep your booze?” Robert asked over his shoulder, crouching to see if there was any below the sink.

“I don’t have any” Mat replied quietly. “I don’t like drinking alcohol at home. You know that.” Robert frowned, but mulled over his words carefully.

“Hmm … yeah, I guess I do.” He straightened up and gave Mat a softened look. He approached him slowly, reaching out and grabbing Mat’s hips. He didn’t resist as Robert pulled him close, pressing against him at the waist. “I know a lot about you, baby ~” Robert cooed, swaying a bit and resting his head against Mat’s neck.

“Is that all you came here for?” Mat asked, gripping Robert’s arms gently, feeling the older man press soft kisses on his neck. “To ask me about booze?” Robert hummed against his skin and Mat could feel him smiling.

“No of course not … but I thought I’d give you a proper hello first.” He pushed Mat backwards gently, guiding him until he had him pressed up against the wall. Trapping him, Robert slipped his hands underneath Mat’s shirt, running his fingers up and down his sides. Mat couldn’t help but smile, squirming a little under his touch.

“S-Stop” Mat said through an anxious laugh. Robert obliged, his hands resting at Mat’s hips, fingertips slipping just below his waistband. Mat could feel Robert’s lips at his earlobe and he couldn’t stop himself from tensing up and trembling.

“You’ll never guess who I ran into earlier today” Robert purred, moving his hips against Mat at a slow pace. Despite the gentle stimulation, Mat couldn’t bring himself to return the gesture, and every passing second made him feel more like he needed to get out.

“Was … was it Mary …?” Mat asked, keeping his gaze over Robert’s shoulder. It didn’t last long when Robert suddenly stopped his movement and pulled away from Mat just enough to initiate eye contact. Mat didn’t like the look on his face.

“Craig Cahn, actually” Robert mused, his mouth turning up into some kind of half sneer. “Must have caught him in the middle of a run.”

Mat’s heart stopped. Robert maintained eye contact and Mat had no choice but to stare back as calmly as possible. “Oh” he whispered eventually.

“Oh is right” Robert repeated, his voice just as low. “We didn’t talk long, but he did bring up some interesting topics ... ” He let his words hang in the air, watching Mat’s expression subtly change from surprised to anxious. Robert chuckled darkly. “I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I don’t think it’s funny at all.” Mat swallowed thickly, and was suddenly incredibly aware of the likelihood that Robert had a knife somewhere hidden on him. He visibly tensed up against the wall, as if trying to create space between the two of them.

“Hey Dad?” Both men immediately froze at Carmensita’s voice, her footsteps seemingly stopping in the living room just on the other side of the wall they were against. Mat quickly shoved Robert off of him, who didn’t resist, and headed into the other room while Robert stayed behind and hidden out of view.

“Y-Yes?” Mat said, catching her attention. She jumped, but quickly smiled. “What do you need, Sweetheart?”

“Have you seen my hat? I can’t remember where I put it last …” She said, a worried look on her face. She pointed at her head, sans pink hat.

“I … don’t think I have …” he said honestly. “Where did you check?”

“I checked my room, the bathroom and the backyard” she counted on her fingers. “I haven’t checked the living room, your room or the kitchen.”

“I don’t think it’s in my room” he chuckled, somewhat nervously. “But uh, I can check the living room and kitchen for you.” He gestured towards the direction of her room. “Why not check your room again? You usually find things under your bed or somewhere in your closet.”

“Okay! Let me know if you find it.” She ran off to her room again, Mat waiting until he heard her door close before he walked swiftly back into the kitchen. He found Robert quietly examining a few mugs Mat had on display. Mat kept his distance, staying at the other end of the room.

“Did you know she was here?” Robert asked, keeping his attention on the mugs.

“I … forgot” Mat admitted. “But I can’t keep you here if she’s home.” Robert straightened up and turned to face him.

“I get it” he said rather diplomatically, nodding. He took a few steps as if to leave, but started to linger as he got close to Mat and stopped when they were at arm's length from each other. A moment of silence fell between them, Mat nervous about whatever Robert was about to say. “I don’t trust Cahn” he started gruffly.

“... I know” Mat replied, frowning.

“I don’t trust he can make you as happy as you think he can.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know the type” Robert insisted, sticking his hands in his pockets. “He seems to have his life together. A couple cute kids, owns a business and takes care of himself. He doesn’t need someone like you, except for temporary fun.”

Mat swallowed thickly, his mind already racing with doubt. “That’s not what this is … this isn’t temporary.”

Robert smirked. “I can tell you don’t believe it when you say that.”

“I know he’s not that kind of person.”

“You don’t know anything about him.” There was a beat of silence when Robert’s expression dropped, any amusement gone. He approached Mat until their faces were only a few inches apart. Mat stood his ground, holding his breath. Robert stared him down, quietly. “You’re so desperate for love that you’re blind to the fact that this man has every ability to manipulate you in bed and throw you out once he’s done. He’s a jock and we all know jocks don’t have a single good bone in their body.” Robert smiled a sickeningly sweet smile, making Mat shiver. “He’s going to leave you, baby. You’re going to be alone just like you were before and all you’ll have left is to come crawling back to me because you know deep down inside, I’m the only one that’s always going to be here for you. You know that baby, don’t you?”

Mat hesitated, breaking eye contact and looked to the floor. “...Yeah, I know.” Robert smiled, and without warning he gripped the back of Mat’s neck and pulled him in for a rough kiss. Mat could taste cigarettes on Robert’s tongue, their teeth knocking into each other almost painfully before Robert let him go. Mat stumbled backwards, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. Sneering, Robert said nothing else and made his way out of the kitchen. Keeping his gaze to the floor, Mat listened to the front door open and softly close. The house fell silent once more as he stood there, trying not to throw up from the knot forming in his stomach.

_… now what?_

He started to feel light headed and knew he was in the early stages of an intense anxiety attack. Keeping himself from breathing too quickly, he stiffly walked out of the kitchen and made his way to the couch in the living room. Sitting heavily, he leaned his head back on the cushion and tried to focus on staying as calm as possible.

He flinched when he felt something touch his knee. Sitting up straight, he met Carmensita’s eyes, looking back at him with concern. “C-Carmensita” he stuttered. “I didn’t … hear you come out of your room …” He ran a shaky hand through his hair, forcing a small smile. “Did you … find your hat?”

“Yeah …” she said quietly. “I came out to tell you but … you look upset.” Before Mat could protest, she climbed on the couch next to him, leaning on his shoulder. She hooked an arm around his and the two sat there, waiting as they always did, for the feeling to pass.

**...**

Craig stared at his phone, sighing. Mat had texted him, but the events of the day had him completely miss the message. After his morning run, Craig headed home and took a nap that seemed to last for hours. By the time he woke up again, it was already mid afternoon and he didn’t feel any less tired than when he went to sleep.

Yawning, he was about to put his phone away when it started to ring. Panicking from the sudden noise, he answered without checking who was on the other line.

“Hello?” he answered, his sleepiness still relevant in his voice.

“Craig” Ashley responded, her tone serious. “Where have you been? I’ve been calling you for the past 20 minutes and you haven’t answered.”

“Oh, sorry about that …” Craig muttered. “I was taking a nap.”

“I need you to be there whenever I call!” Ashley pressed, clearly agitated. Craig wasn’t sure if it was his absence that was annoying her, or something else, but decided not to press.

“Well I’m here now” he said, sighing. “What do you need?”

“Don’t cop an attitude with me” she sneered, talking to him again like he was a child. He remained silent, partially rolling his eyes as she continued. “I took the girls to practice today and it turns out their coach may be on his way out. They don’t have anyone right now to replace him and I do not want the girls to have nothing to do when the summer comes along.”

“If they need some other sport, then I’m sure we can find one …” he offered. She huffed loudly.

“No Craig, listen. I talked to a few people in charge of the group and they had said if they could find someone else to replace the coach, then they would keep the program running.” She paused for effect. “So I volunteered you to take the coach’s place.”

Craig rubbed his forehead, sighing deeply. “Ash … I don’t know if I can do that …”

“Sure you can” she pressed. “You’re the athletic type and they are children. All you have to do is make sure they don’t riot.”

“It’s just a lot to focus on and lately I’ve been feeling a bit … under the weather. I don’t think right now is the right time for me to take up something important like that.”

“Don’t try to weasel your way out of this with that mental bullshit” she spat. “You’re just being dramatic, okay? You’re fine. You just need sun or whatever.”

“Ash -”

“You’re doing this. I don’t care what you have to do to show up tomorrow for their practice, but you’re going to do it.” Before he could get another word in, she hung up and he was left to listen to dial tone. Cursing under his breath, he tossed his phone aside. He wasn’t ready for the sudden responsibility and it was doing nothing but making him feel even more trapped. He could feel a heaviness on his chest and his face flush hot. A surge of emotion and energy hit him and he needed to resolve it quickly. Getting up from the couch, he paced around the living room, almost sprinting with every turn.

_Maybe I should talk to Mat. I’m sure he would understand._

He quickly walked to the door, hoping to just walk over to Mat’s house and solve whatever was going on with him, but stopped just as quickly.

_No, I don’t want to bother him. He’s probably busy with other things. I don’t want to burden him with my problems. I have to solve this on my own._

He stood there, trying to think. His mind was racing faster than normal and he slowly was becoming less grounded in reality. He needed to do something to expel this energy and get his mind cleared up once more. Grabbing his keys, he did what he did best and went for a walk.

It was much later than he anticipated, the sky already darkening. Trying not to be concerned with how much of the day he wasted from that unusually long nap, he picked a direction. The neighborhood was quiet, the only noise coming from his shoes hitting the pavement. He didn’t pay much attention to the houses he passed, but the moment he approached Robert’s house, he slowed down his steps. Stopping to stare, a thought from earlier crossed his mind.

Taking a deep breath, he slowly approached the front door, reached out hesitantly and knocked. A few moments passed and Craig was beginning to think no one was home when he could hear movement coming from inside. The door handle jiggled and the door swung open, Robert poking his head out. Laying his eyes on Craig, he immediately grinned and relaxed against the door frame. “Hey” he greeted. “What brings you here, Cahn?”

Craig wasn’t sure what he was doing there and something deep inside of him told him this was an incredible overreaction. He should just go home, focus on something else productive and prepare for tomorrow. He didn’t have to rely on a stranger to make his troubles disappear.

But the thought of a quick fix was entirely too enticing.

“Hey …” he replied, looking around quickly. “Do you … wanna hit up the bar?”

Robert didn’t have to think for too long. “Yeah, why not. Rough day?”

“It could have been better …”

“Hm, I can relate.”

“O-Only for a couple drinks though” Craig added quickly. “My girls need me tomorrow.”

Robert snorted. “Sure, just a couple.” Disappearing back into his house for a moment, Robert grabbed his coat and came back out, locking the door behind him. The two walked off into the night and the last thing Craig remembered was entering the bar, the heavy smell of alcohol welcoming him like an old friend.

**...**

He felt the pain before he opened his eyes.

“Fuck …” Craig slurred, his brain working as well as it could beneath exhaustion, a hangover and the incredible pain that spread across half of his face.

Which to say, wasn’t much.

His limbs felt like dead weight and he had to use all of his strength and willpower to turn over on his side. Whatever he was sleeping on wasn’t as wide as he anticipated and he effectively rolled off of it and onto the hard, unforgiving ground. His forehead smacked against the wooden floor and it was only until then that he started to really wake up. Groaning in even more pain, he slowly sat up and managed to get a better look at his surroundings.

The good news was he seemed to be indoors. The bad news was nothing looked familiar. He squinted, adjusting to the flood of sunlight that came through the windows. He realized he was in someone’s living room and he was currently wedged between the couch he had fallen off and a coffee table. Getting to his feet slowly, his whole body ached and another revelation came to him; he was wearing the same clothes from the day before.

 _God …_ he thought groggily. _What … what happened yesterday?_

He stumbled through the house, trying hard not to knock anything over and found a doorway. Peeking into the next room, he frowned; it was just the kitchen. He was about to move on, when something on the counter caught his eye. Shuffling inside to get a better look, he realized it was the succulent he had given Mat.

_Wait … is … this Mat’s house?_

As if on cue, he jumped when he heard the front door knob jiggle, the noise of it irritating his senses. Stumbling back out into the living room, he watched as the door was unlocked from the outside and quietly swung open. Mat walked in and they both immediately locked eyes. “M-Mat” Craig croaked, watching the other man pocket his keys before ushering Carmensita inside as well. She glanced at Craig before skittering to her room without so much as a hello. “What am I doing here …?” Craig continued, his mouth working a little better. “I don’t … really remember anything …”

“You got drunk” Mat started, stating the obvious in a quiet, almost monotone voice. He approached Craig, who swayed where he stood and gently, but firmly gripped his arm. “Your house was locked and you didn’t have your keys on you, so you slept here.” He tugged Craig’s arm, leading him out of the house. He shut his eyes as soon as he walked into the sun, his headache intensifying. His knees were a bit shaky, so his steps were teetering on unstable and the throbbing pain on his face wasn’t letting up at all. He reached up, and touched what felt like bandages. “Your girls eventually called Carmensita this morning, asking if I knew where you were.”

“M-My kids?!” Craig returned his attention quickly to the conversation. “Are they okay? Where -”

“They’re fine.” Mat interrupted, his tone cold. “You didn’t have them this week, remember?” Craig blinked and suddenly stopped walking, Mat stopping as well, his eyes on Craig incredulously. Craig pulled away from him, thinking hard.

“I don’t understand …” he mumbled, looking at Mat with a hurt expression. “What happened? Why was I in your house?” Mat winced, narrowing his eyes at Craig and frowning. “...Mat?”

“Maybe it’s better I don’t explain it to you” he said finally, his expression softening. He gestured towards Craig’s house, just across the driveway from where they stood. “Go inside and clean yourself up. Your ex is on her way over.”


	9. I Think I Need Help

Robert awoke that morning (the afternoon to most people) and took a few minutes to snap back to reality. He surprised himself when he realized he was in bed in his cleanest pajamas. Blinking away the sleepiness, he could feel the gentle ebb of a headache at his temples, reminding him of where he had been the night before. He smirked to himself, turning his head to look at Craig’s house keys that lay strewn on his night stand.

The night was fairly simple to recall and he remembered how easy it was to sneak Craig’s keys from his pocket. The man at that point was already on the path to being utterly wasted, so it didn’t take much to divert his attention elsewhere. Come to think of it, Robert wasn’t all that surprised he had remembered the night’s events. He initially had tried to keep up with Craig’s sporadic drinking, but after watching him shotgun a couple beers, take several shots at once and chug at least 3 different types of mystery drinks, Robert had decided he didn’t want to die from alcohol poisoning yet and switched to water for the rest of the night.

Reaching over, he grabbed his phone that lay underneath the keys and looked through his history. “Hmm … 2:47 AM ...” he muttered, referring to his most recent outgoing call. He had also noted the handful of texts he sent shortly before, none of which he really remembered. Though, to be fair, most of his decision making process was automatic and required little attention. Satisfied that the events lined up as he had mostly remembered them, he yawned and tossed his phone aside.

Figuring he had spent enough time in bed and he needed to start functioning again, he got up. He was also tragically alone, so there wasn’t much point in laying around if he couldn’t have fun with another body. Stretching out, he could feel several bones crack, his body feeling a little less achy. Searching around, he found a semi clean towel and hopped into the shower. It didn’t always come across to most people, but Robert always thought he was a decently clean person. His living area was another story altogether, but he always made it a point to be presentable in his own Robert way.

 _Okay, so maybe I’m always a little hungover and I don’t make showering a habit or brush my hair all that often … but it’s the thought that counts._  

Getting out of the shower roughly an hour later, he put on whatever he could find that didn’t smell suspiciously like bodily fluids and shuffled into the kitchen. He wasn’t particularly hungry, but his mouth was definitely dry. Filling a cup with some cool water from the sink, he moved himself to the living room and splayed out on the couch. The rest of his home was pretty quiet, as per usual, and at this point his headache wasn’t going to agree with any particularly loud noises. So he sipped his drink in silence, tapping his foot rhythmically to a song that had crept up in his mind.

A sharp knock on the front door grabbed his attention. He stared at it for a moment, frowning.

_Damn, didn’t even get a chance to get over this headache._

He didn’t expect to be caught so soon, but at least it meant he could get everything out of the way faster. Finishing his drink, he finally willed himself up off the couch and answered the door at a casual pace. He came face to face with Mat, just as he had expected, and offered an acknowledging nod with no indication on his face that he knew why Mat was there. 

“You’re sober already” Mat observed, his tone much colder than it usually was when he spoke to Robert.

Robert shrugged. “Gotta keep it fresh.” He stepped aside, knowing this wasn’t going to be a short talk. Mat walked briskly past him and entered the house. Like always, he was immediately hit with the strong smell of alcohol in the air, but it didn’t deter him from his mission. Storming through the house, he quickly made his way into Robert’s bedroom. Searching for only a moment, he spotted what he was looking for and grabbed Craig’s keys off of the night stand. He almost didn’t feel the jagged end of the keys digging into his palm as he entered the living room once more. Robert, who had closed the front door and took to leaning on it casually, watched as Mat jangled the keys in plain view before pocketing them. A moment of silence followed before Mat spoke. “You planned for this to happen” he said, watching Robert’s expression.

“I dunno what you’re talking about” Robert replied automatically, crossing his arms.

“Why did I just find his keys in your room?”

“Must have grabbed it off of him by mistake.”

“Unless you were physical with him last night, that’s not possible.”

Robert grimaced. “Nah, he’s not my type. Too manic when he’s drunk.”

“He doesn’t get drunk.”

“Well maybe I roofied him a bit.”

Mat narrowed his eyes. He wasn’t sure if Robert was being serious or not and right now he really didn’t want to think about that. “I guess I was right to think you were a damn sociopath. I’m disappointed, but not surprised.”

Robert snorted as a response, putting his hands up in surrender. “Alright, I admit I may have had a small hand in whatever it is you think I did …”

“You stole his keys” Mat cut in, walking towards Robert in slow steps. “Called me in the middle of the damn night to pick him up and when I couldn’t just dump him home, I had to take him back to my place.” He paused, his frown deepening as his face was mere inches from Robert’s. “I’d say you had more than just a small hand.” Robert pressed back up against the door, unsuccessfully biting back a snarky smile.

“Didn’t know you had such a hard edge to you, baby. Kind of a turn on ~” He reached up and was only able to touch Mat’s face for a moment before his hand was quickly grabbed, Mat bending his fingers back painfully in a swift movement. Caught off guard by the sudden jolt of pain, Robert didn’t resist when Mat pulled him away from the door in retaliation and shoved him further into the room. Robert stumbled, landing on his worn out couch with a heavy thud. He quickly righted himself, watching Mat stare back at him with a look of pure hatred.

“Don’t fucking touch me” Mat said harshly. Robert stared back at him, somewhat intimidated, and massaged his sore hand. A flash of confusion crossed his face; he couldn’t understand why Mat was so upset.

“So I got him a little drunk and took his keys” Robert said defensively, trying to will the pulsing pain out of his fingers. “What’s the big deal?”

“He was fucking plastered to all hell!” Mat barked.

“What’s your point? Cahn is kinda fun that way anyway!” Robert shot back, raising his voice just as loudly.

“Are you really that short sighted?! Do you really not understand what you did?!”

“What do you mean what I did?!” Robert nearly shouted. “I relaxed him a bit and handed him off to you! If anything, I did you a fucking favor!”

“ _Waking up to a man drunkenly forcing himself onto you is not a favor!_ ”

Robert stopped, Mat’s words hanging in the air for what felt like an eternity. “What are you talking about …?” he asked, he tone low and serious. Mat stood tight lipped, hesitating. “What the fuck are you talking about?” Robert demanded again, his anger overlapping any kind of concern he was feeling.

“Nothing. Forget I said anything.”

“No, tell me what the hell happened.”

“Since when the hell did you care?” Mat pointed an accusatory finger at him, his anger flaring again. “This whole thing happened because you couldn’t handle me being happy with someone else!”

“That wasn’t my intention!”

“Bullshit! Everything you do is for some selfish, asinine reason! I’m tired of it and now because of you, I’ll have to explain to Craig that I can’t see him anymore is because he fucking assaulted me last night!” The house went quiet once more, Robert suddenly realizing the two of them had been essentially shrieking at each other. It was a wonder no one had come to see what was going on, but then again, it was Robert’s house. No one would really be concerned to hear a fight going on inside. Robert swallowed thickly, unsure of what to say or where all this was going to go. Both stared at one another, until Mat finally made a decision.

Turning swiftly, he wrenched the front door open to leave. Grip tight on the door handle, he paused and looked back at Robert one last time. “This is your fault” he muttered, his tone dangerously low. “Don’t ever forget that.” Walking out, Mat let the door slam behind him. He didn’t anticipate that Robert would follow and quietly made his way down the sidewalk. His steps were stiff, both from anxiety and anger. He was ridged and his entire being was tense. Managing a few steps, he suddenly realized where he was going and stopped. He had initially planned to pick up Carmensita from Brian’s house right after seeing Robert, but with how he was feeling, he couldn’t will himself to do that right now.

_She doesn’t need to see me so angry._

Instead, he bypassed his initial route and walked to the Coffee Spoon. It wasn’t open today, but he would often escape there for a moment of peace and quiet when he really felt overwhelmed by something. The walk was a little longer than normal, given how heavy his legs felt from the tension, but he eventually found his way to the shop entrance. Fishing out his own keys from his pocket, he quickly slipped inside before anyone could see him and assume the shop was opening in the middle of the afternoon for some reason and locked the door behind him again. Keeping the lights off, he stepped into the back room. There, he made use of the coffee pot and brewed a fresh cup for himself. A few silent minutes later, he walked back out to the main dining area, coffee in hand and settled into a dark corner away from the windows.

For the first time in about 12 hours, Mat could feel himself relaxing. It wasn’t much and for all intents and purposes he was still pretty tense. But after taking a few sips of his coffee, he could think a little clearer and his anger soon ebbed away into a new kind of anxiety.

_What am I supposed to do about Craig …?_

His thoughts began to churn. In all honesty, he didn’t want to blame Craig. He was drunk after all and didn’t mean to do anything wrong. He probably didn’t even remember assaulting Mat.

 _That doesn’t make it any less of a wrongdoing, does it?_  

He rubbed his wrist in thought, still feeling the pain from twisting it almost to the point of breaking. It was definitely swollen and a bruise was going to be inevitable in the coming hours. Despite this, he didn’t make any note to take care of the problem. It was hard enough already trying to forget that surge of adrenaline as he tried getting out of Craig’s grip in the first place. Focusing on that kind of self care was too much right now and it wasn’t going to help solve this moral dilemma. 

 _That reminds me, I need to buy a new clock,_ he thought bitterly, recalling the sickening crack of his old one smashing against Craig’s head that nearly knocked him out. He liked that clock, but sacrifices had to be made. He sighed, staring into his cup of coffee. His mind was jumping between different thoughts and memories. He didn’t know what to focus on first or which ones could be forgotten. As he sat, he slowly lost track of time and a particularly cold sip of coffee forced him to come back to the present.

He checked the time and realized that Craig’s ex was going to arrive within the next 45 minutes or so. He spoke to her on the phone earlier that morning, noting how unhappy she sounded on the other line about Craig missing some kind of activity with his kids. Mat didn’t indulge her with many details, but the fact that Craig had missed something important was enough for her and Mat to arrange a time for her to come over and solve the problem her own way. It was a little underhanded, but Mat needed to take control of something to keep his sanity. Feeling he had done all the thinking he could do for now, he quietly cleaned up and left the Coffee Spoon. Walking down the sidewalk once more, he came to a temporary resolution.

_I can’t do anything about what happened. I just … have to ignore it for now. I didn’t really get hurt, Craig didn’t mean to do it and Robert already knows where he stands with me and this whole ordeal. This is fine. Everything is alright._

The next few events seemed to blend into a forgetful blurr. He picked up Carmensita and the two walked back home in near silence. They entered their house and Mat couldn’t remember what he felt seeing Craig awake and wandering around in their living room, but it didn’t amount to much. Taking Craig back home was mercifully short and after giving him his keys back, Mat left Craig alone. Closing his front door behind him and effectively shutting himself away from the problem, Mat suddenly found himself standing in the middle of his living room, staring at nothing in particular. He wanted to lie down, but his bed still hadn’t been cleaned and the couch smelled too much like alcohol. The floor was a viable option, but laying down for any amount of time there would definitely injure his back in some way.

Taking a deep breath, he went into his bedroom. Without dwelling too much on the immediate sense of anxiety he got from being there, he quickly removed his sheets and pillows from the bed, piling them all in one corner. With the bed bare of anything, he kicked off his shoes and lay down. Surrounded by silence once more, he stared up at the ceiling.

The truth of the matter was, that was all he could do now.

**…**

“I come down here, thinking something terrible must have happened to you and it turns out you were just too wasted to do what I asked!” 

“I’m not wasted, I just … have a hangover.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?!”

“Ashley, please stop screaming …”

Even without looking at her, he could tell she was giving him a look that could kill. Normally he did his best to avoid this kind of reaction from her, but today was not one of those days.

“I’m not screaming” she said curtly.

“Yes you are” he muttered back. “It’s really damn annoying.”

He could tell she was thinking about her next words. “What happened to you Craig?” She asked, much quieter this time. It surprised him a bit to hear genuine concern in her tone. He couldn’t blame her though; Craig was never aggressive with her when they fought if he wanted it to be resolved quickly. She must have sensed something else was going on in his mind. “I haven’t seen you drink anything since college.” 

“I … I don’t know …” he replied honestly.

“Yes you do know. People don’t just accidentally get blackout drunk after they’ve been sober for God knows how long.” 

Craig frowned, hunched over as he sat on the couch in his living room. Ashley hovered around him, a deep frown creasing her face and her arms crossed. He managed to take a speedy ice cold shower before she showed up at his door, his hair still dripping wet. But beyond that, Craig was still in the dark about what had happened. He knew he went out drinking with Robert; that much was certain. But everything else was a blur and so far nothing explained why he had a painful injury to his face or why Mat seemed so distant when he ushered Craig back home. No matter how much he racked his brain, Craig couldn’t figure it out.

_Is he upset because I drank? Did I say something wrong?_

“Are you listening to me?” He winced again at Ashley’s shrill voice, pulsing through his head in a painful rhythm. He answered quickly, hoping to keep her voice from getting any more irritating.

“I heard you …” he said, head in his hands. He was careful not to touch the fresh set of bandages he had applied after he showered. From what he could tell, it looked like he had slammed head first into a concrete wall. Heavily bruised with a somewhat shallow cut, he knew it was something he was going to have to deal with for a while. He allowed himself another moment to gather his thoughts. “Things have just been hard … I needed a night to myself. To blow off some steam …”

“Craig, you have to get better at lying.”

“Ash, I’m not lying.”

“Yes you are! What part of your life is difficult? You have everything you need.”

“I-I don’t know…” Craig frowned, finding himself in a corner he had been in before. These were the last kinds of conversations he wanted with his ex because he always knew how they would turn out. “I don’t really have a reason for feeling so overwhelmed. It’s just how it’s been.”

“You’re fine” she spat. “You’re just overreacting." 

“It doesn’t feel like an overreaction” he insisted, willing himself to make eye contact with her for the first time since she had gotten there. “It feels like something else. I haven’t been able to shake it for years. You know this already …” 

Ashley rolled her eyes, sighing heavily. She pursed her lips in thought, breaking eye contact with him to look at anything else in the room that wasn’t him. “What do you want me to do?” She spoke up again, her tone somewhat demanding. “I have three other kids I have to worry about. I can’t just babysit you whenever you’re kinda sad. Do you think that’s fair for me to have to spend time making sure you’re fine too?”

“I’m not asking you to babysit me” he could feel himself becoming aggravated, narrowing his gaze at her. “I’m asking you to believe me. I haven’t felt like myself for years and I … I think I need help.” The words felt weird on his tongue and he almost immediately regretting saying them. Ashley didn’t take too well to his statement.

“You need to watch what you say, Craig” she said haughtily. “I don’t want you to give me a reason to keep the kids.”

Craig’s heart dropped to his stomach and before he could stop himself, he quickly stood up. The sudden movement surprised Ashley, who took a few nervous steps back to put distance between them. “You’re not taking them away from me” he said firmly, ignoring the sudden rush of blood to his head. “You can’t do that.”

“You haven’t been acting like a father!” she shot back. “I ask you for help and instead you got drunk.”

“I told you I was feeling overwhelmed. You tried putting me in a situation that was going to be too much to handle.”

“I don’t just blindly give you shit to do. I know what you’re capable of and this was something I know you’d be able to figure out.”

“You can’t just assume I would be okay with that. Things change all the time and right now I just can’t handle more things on my plate.”

Ashley rolled her eyes, making a noise of obvious disgust. “If you’re too lazy to take care of your own kids, then say so.”

“I’m not lazy!” Craig raised his voice, frustration evident in his expression. “I’ve been trying to tell you there’s something else going on and I - I don’t know how to handle it.”

“You’re fine!” Ashley threw her hands up angrily. “Fucking act like a man, Craig! Men don’t get to feel ‘depressed’ or whatever bullshit you think is going on. The only problem I see is you’re getting too lazy and complacent with your responsibilities.”

“Ash -”

“No” she cut him off, puffing up her chest as a sign that she had finally had enough and the conversation was over. “You know what? I get it. I finally understand the kind of man you’ve become. You want your precious solitude? Fine.” She walked briskly to where she had tossed her purse when she had first walked in and glared at Craig. “Don’t worry about the girls, I can handle them. When you’re ready to be a dad again, let me know.”

With that, she left. Craig made no move to stop her, instead standing where he was with his gaze falling to the floor. He didn’t realize his fists were clenched until they began to shake uncontrollably from his tense grip. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and tried to relax. Exhaling, his shoulders dropped and he unclenched both his jaw and fists.

_I need to talk to Mat._

He bit his lip, immediately debating the idea. Mat didn’t seem too keen on his presence and the last thing Craig wanted to do was make him feel uncomfortable. But it frustrated him to no end not knowing what put a wedge between them in the first place. He wasn’t one to let these kinds of issues stew and he needed to know what happened. The problem was getting Mat to talk to him. Normally, Craig could just walk over to Mat’s house. But with the way Mat was acting, Craig didn’t think he could just engage at his front door so easily.

He pulled out his phone and settled on a simple text. It wasn’t ideal for something this serious, but it was better than nothing. Pressing the home button, he waited for the phone to wake up; nothing happened. 

“Did the battery die?” He wondered aloud, pressing the home button again and earning no response. Sighing, he moved to his bedroom where the charger sat undisturbed on his dresser. Plugging in his phone, he knew it would be at least a few minutes before his phone had enough power to turn back on. He didn’t usually let it die, but he did go drinking last night and apparently lost track of literally everything he did. It was a wonder he managed to get home with his phone at all. Settling in bed to wait, the cool comfort of the bed relaxed him and it didn’t take long before he dozed off once more.

He woke with a jolt, his brain suddenly reminding him that he was in the middle of doing something. Groggy, and yet slightly refreshed, Craig slowly sat up and yawned. Remembering his phone, he got up and grabbed it off the dresser. 

“Finally” he said, relieved when his phone finally responded to his prodding. Booting up, it was silent for only a moment before it began to be flooded with messages. Startled, he watched as his voicemail, texts and missed calls suddenly cluttered the screen. It took a good minute before his phone quieted once more and he was able to go through everything at a slow, anxious pace. It was not at all surprising that the voicemail and most of the missed calls and texts were from Ashley that morning. He deleted them without giving them much thought. However, the rest of the texts and calls were from Mat.

Checking the time stamps, they seemed sporadic between 11 PM and about 2:30 AM. Frowning, he opened one text message.

**Hey are you alright? I haven’t seen you all day.**

Guilt formed in his stomach as he reread the message. He had to stop himself from replying to and read the last one.

**Where are you?**

The two were sent a few hours apart, the last one seemingly followed by two calls that Craig of course missed. He could feel a headache coming on again, trying to decide what to do at this point. It was entirely possible Mat was upset because Craig practically disappeared yesterday, only to wake up hungover on his couch.

_But how the hell did I end up there? And would it really bother him if I wasn’t around to talk for a single day?_

No, there had to be more to the story that he just couldn’t recall and Mat seemed to know the answer. Knowing he owed Mat an explanation of his own lack of response, Craig decided he had to call him. It was distant enough that Mat wasn’t going to feel threatened and, should worse come to worse, Craig wouldn’t be able to stop him if he wanted to leave the conversation. It was a negative thought, but he had to prepare himself just in case. Dialing Mat’s number, Craig held up the phone to his ear and waited. It seemed to connect, but after two rings, he was suddenly sent to voicemail. Determined, Craig hung up and dialed again. This time, there were no rings and he was immediately sent to voicemail.

_Of course he’s avoiding me …_

He called a third time and when he was met with the same robotic voice, Craig decided not to hang up and instead waited to be prompted to leave a message. 

*beep*

“H-Hey Mat, it’s Craig. Listen … I’m really confused about what happened last night. I don’t remember what happened and it seems like you’re the only one who can help fill in the blanks …” he paused, feeling his throat get tight. “... If … If I did anything … if I hurt you or said something wrong … please tell me. Even if you never want to see me again, I just need to know what I did … I’m sorry ...”

He stayed on the line until he heard the second beep, signaling that his time was up. He hung up, feeling anxiety creep up inside. Rubbing his face carefully so as to not agitate his injury, he didn’t know what else he could do. He couldn’t make Mat respond quickly, or at all, but he couldn’t just sit around and wait. He had to do something else to occupy his time. Anything to stop the darkness.

Swallowing his pride, it didn’t take long before he made another call. This time, there was a quick answer. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey Joseph … it’s Craig.”

“Oh! Well hello Craig. How are things?”

“They uh … they’re not …” Craig faltered, going quiet as he began to mentally backtrack.

_This is a bad idea. He doesn’t know anything about what I’m going through. He wouldn’t know how to help._

“...Craig? Are you alright?”

_Maybe Ashley’s right. Maybe I’m just overreacting. I don’t need help. I’m fine. I’m 100% fine. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just being lazy. I just want attention. I don’t need help._

“I-I’m fine!” Craig said suddenly, forcing himself to smile even though he was alone.

“Are you sure?” Joseph asked, sounding concerned. “You seemed a little … distant.”

“I was just distracted” Craig said quickly, chuckling. 

“W-Well alright!” Joseph didn’t sound convinced, but Craig quickly pushed the conversation along. He didn’t remember what they talked about and when they had finally hung up, Craig had burned through about an hour. During their chat, he had wandered into the living room and settled on the couch. Reminiscent of where he had ended up that morning, he sat confused, alone and hurting. 

No, just confused and hurting. That’s all.

_I don’t need help._


	10. I Wish I Knew

_ A sudden slam of the door brought him out of his slumber. Trying to blink away the blurriness, he almost didn't notice the figure at the end of the bed swaying towards him. Confused, he watched as it wasted no time in straddling him almost hurriedly. He made to sit up, but the figure roughly gripped his shoulder and pushed him back down on the mattress. Now a little more aware, he could feel a pair of hands roam across his naked chest carelessly and without permission. Working his own, he tried pushing them away when they reacted to him, gripping both of his wrists and pinning them suddenly above his head. A heaviness fell on his waist, moving in a lazy, circular motion against him. His breath quickened and he started to struggle. He could feel the weight above him shift and a hot mouth pressed against his painfully. He jerked his head to the side to avoid it, but it only allowed the mouth to move across his jaw and neck, biting him softly whenever it pleased with the stench of alcohol suddenly clogging the air. He tried to push back against the weight, feeling it press down on him even more in resistance. No matter how painfully he twisted, his arms wouldn’t budge from the almost superhuman grip that was holding them in place. Something above him shifted and he could feel the mouth drag across his cheek near his ear. _

_ “I love you so much ~” The voice was husky, unnaturally gravelly and slurred. _

_ He grit his teeth, feeling a hand slip in his pants and grip him almost painfully. His instinct was to yell or make some kind of noise, but everything died on his tongue. His whole body shook, both from the adrenaline coursing through him and the unwanted stimulation. He closed his eyes, trying to will the moment away when a dull pain jolted his entire body. He arched his back, letting out his first hoarse breath that night. His body, confined as it was, tensed under the invading fingers as they roughly found their way inside him. _

**...**

Mat woke with a start, sucking in a deep breath. The room was still dark, and after a moment of panic, he realized he was no longer dreaming. Laying on his back, he stared wide eyed at the ceiling, his heart thumping in his ears. Lifting a shaking hand, he dragged it down the side of his face, his skin slick with sweat.

He lay for a few long minutes, coming down from the adrenaline of another anxiety attack until he could put a few coherent thoughts together again.

_ You’re okay. You’re alone in your room. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay ... _

He took a few deep breaths, slowly exhaling. He suddenly felt very hot and claustrophobic, prompting him to get out of bed. He wasn’t sure what the plan was, but he knew he needed to get out of his bedroom. He hadn’t replaced the clock yet so he wasn’t sure what time it was, but it hardly mattered. Changing into something more appropriate for going out in public, he threw on his jacket, grabbed his keys and quietly left the house.

It was still pitch black and the moon was well on its way across the sky as always. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he picked a direction and walked. Amber leaves littered the walkway and a chill wind picked up around him. His face slowly went numb from the crisp air, though it didn’t seem to phase him. Instead, he focused on the ground, watching his feet step rhythmically and take him somewhere.

It had been about a week since the assault. Or so that’s what Mat believed; the days seemed to blur together so seamlessly that it was hard to really know how much time had actually passed. He tried his best to pretend it didn’t happen and that he still wanted to have some kind of relationship with Craig. So far, Mat had intentionally missed a handful of calls, multiple texts and a couple voice messages from him.

He wasn’t handling it well.

Still, Mat managed to lead a somewhat organized life. He took care of his daughter and made it to work on time everyday. But he quickly realized that just as he had been avoiding Craig, the reverse seemed to be just as true. Not once since the incident had he come in for his morning tea, nor had Mat seen him jog past out front throughout the day. They never ran into each other while Mat was out and about town and the Cahn household was eerily silent. Considering all the times Craig had initially tried contacting Mat, it surprised him at how quickly he gave up and simply vanished.

A part of Mat wanted to forget everything that happened and to talk to him again. He didn’t want to be scared of his touch anymore or to think about how easy it was for Craig to take control. Despite everything, he missed Craig and this drove him to firmly believe that none of his drunk actions were intentional.

_ He was drunk, how could he know what he was doing? _

Mat bit his lip, furrowing his brow. He was becoming more aware of himself trying to rationalize the situation and remove as much of the blame from Craig as possible.

_ But I know Craig and I know he’s a good person. I don’t want to blame him. _

Shaking his head, Mat looked around and took in his surroundings to ground himself. He was alone, just as he expected at a time like this and it wasn’t long until he made it to his destination. Stopping just short of the entrance, he looked beyond the gates to the cemetery, barely making out the different tombstones that occupied the grounds. It had been a long while since he had an urge to visit this place and now he couldn’t seem to turn back around. Feeling his heart jump, he walked inside with ease.

The cemetery wasn’t the first thing to come to mind when others thought of Mat. To a more shallow degree, he was usually known for his coffee shop or his interest in music or the fact that he was probably the most awkward human within a 5 mile radius. But for Mat, the cemetery was a place he couldn’t break away from so easily. Shortly after Rosa had passed away, it seemed as if he lived there, visiting daily and staying for hours just talking to her gravestone. As time passed he made room for his daily responsibilities, both as a parent and a new business owner and eventually visits to the cemetery became a luxury he stopped being able to afford.

Now, walking among the departed, he almost felt like a stranger. It weighed heavily on his heart, but he knew the longer he stayed, that feeling of familiarity would return. He took a route he had taken many times before, weaving between gravestones of various shapes and sizes. Trees were scattered on the grounds, dropping piles of leaves around them.

It was just as he remembered and that seemed to calm his anxious heart.

He stopped walking, smiling slightly as he read Rosa’s name on the somewhat aged headstone. It wasn’t too extravagant, but it also would have been hard to miss for someone who was looking for it for the first time. Reaching over, he lay a hand gently on the headstone, the porous stone gently scratching his palm as he swept it across. “Sorry I haven’t been visiting recently …” he muttered, his frown returning. “Things have just been a little busy … I haven’t even had a chance to tell you about the new neighbor. Well, new ish. He’s been around for a few months now and I’ve … I’ve gotten really close with him.”

He paused, sighing as he recalled the first few weeks of getting to know Craig. Life seemed so much less complicated back then. “...I think you would have liked him. He’s really into fitness and has the cutest kids. Carmensita gets along with them really well. Oh, that reminds me of the bubblegum …”

Mat wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he managed to spend much of it catching Rosa up on what had been going on in his life. He left out certain details of course; he didn’t need angry spirits coming after him. After a while, he could no longer recall any new memories and the conversation seemed to die there. Instead, he stood in silence, the anxiety of the assault slowly creeping back into his mind. “I wish you were here …” he mumbled eventually, almost quiet enough even for himself to miss. “I miss you so much … and I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I’m … I’m lost …”

A gentle hand rested on his shoulder and Mat jumped from the sudden contact. Spinning around quickly, his wide eyes quickly fell on Damien who seemed to have take a step back out of surprise. “M-My apologies!” Damien quickly said, bowing slightly. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“O-Oh, no it’s alright” Mat shrunk back a bit, his face a bit red from embarrassment. “I thought I was alone …” His eyes drifted from Damien to Lucien who was standing beside his father, hands stuffed in his pockets and that usual bored look on his face. He looked Mat up and down, judging him like he did most people.

“Yes well, Lucien and I were taking a midnight stroll” Damien explained, having regained his composure. “Something we do quite often actually, which is why I didn’t think I’d run into you in such a place at such a time.” He looked over Mat with a slight look of concern. “Are you alright my friend?”

Mat shrugged, forcing a laugh. “Would you believe me if I said yes?” Damien frowned, and took a moment to think before turning to address Lucien.

“Lucien, do you mind giving us a bit of privacy?” he asked. Lucien shrugged.

“Sure” he muttered, stalking off in a random direction that led deeper into the cemetery.

“Do you … think he’ll be fine on his own?” Mat asked, once Lucien seemed to be out of earshot. Damien chuckled softly.

“Of course he will. I trust my child.” Stepping back to create some distance between the two of them, Damien reached into his cloak and produced a medium sized blanket, unfolding it and laying it neatly on the ground. Taking a seat on one end, he invited Mat to sit with him, who obliged with slight hesitation.

_ Where was he hiding the blanket? _

“If I had known we would run into you” Damien continued, reaching into his cloak once more and pulling out a compact picnic basket. “We would have certainly packed more snacks. However, as fate would have it, we do have leftovers if you’re feeling peckish.”

_ Where was he hiding the basket?! _

“That actually sounds nice, thanks” Mat watched as Damien pulled out a couple sandwiches and handed one over to him. Both of them sat in silence for a minute, eating and generally getting comfortable in each other’s presence. Finishing first, Damien waited patiently for Mat before he started the next conversation.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked, his tone gentle, yet serious. Mat hesitated, not knowing if it was a bad idea to confide in Damien. He was nice enough and if Mat asked, he would certainly keep the conversation confidential. Still, Mat wasn’t one to burden others.

“I guess I’m just confused…” Mat started vaguely.

“Confused about what?” Damien pressed.

“I dunno. I guess I knew where I was going for a while and then things happened and now I’m not sure what the hell I’m doing.”

Damien gave him a look that said he knew Mat was purposefully using broad language to hide something. But being the polite man that he was, decided not to badger him about the details. “How long has this problem been affecting you?”

Mat looked up in thought. “... A while. Close to a few years.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“Yeah. Well - no not really. Maybe just a little.” Mat laughed nervously. “I don’t … really like talking to people about it because it seems like one of those problems where I should know how to fix it but I don’t.”

“What do you mean?” Damien asked, looking intrigued.

“It’s … kinda hard to explain” Mat admitted. “You have this problem and you tell someone about it. To them, it seems like there’s such an easy fix and you agree. You know what the solution is and you know how easy it is to just put it out of its misery.”

“So why don’t you?”

“Because …” Mat faltered, unsure of what to say to finish the sentence. He frowned, looking down at the grass. It was worn from years of people stepping on them. Even under the moonlight, he could see yellow and brown splotches mixing in with lush green.

_ Man, how much simpler would life be if I was a blade of grass? _

“Well, believe it or not, I was in a similar predicament” Damien said quietly, bringing Mat’s attention back to him. His cheeks flushed from embarrassment; he didn’t mean to end the conversation suddenly on a half sentence. Damien didn’t seem deterred and continued. “Granted, it may not have been the same situation as yours, but I assure you I know the feeling all too well.”

“Really?” Mat asked, sounding almost in disbelief.

“Oh yes” Damien nodded, smiling. “It may seem like you’re alone, but when all of us in the same boat refuse to talk, it begins to feel that way.” He reached into the basket and pulled out a water bottle. Unscrewing the top, he took a swing before continuing. “I won’t bore you with the details, but there was a time in my life where I felt trapped in a situation I didn’t think I had the courage to leave. Yes, the solution was simple and I was incredibly aware of how easy it was to get away. But for years I stayed.”

“How did you get out?” Mat scooted a bit closer, now engrossed in the story. Damien chuckled softly and instead offered him his own water bottle which Mat graciously took.

“Well first I had to rewire my way of thinking. I realized that the only reason I had stayed was because I was allowing myself to stay. I was responsible for my unhappiness, not the other person. Yes, they manipulated me and took advantage of my naivety, but ultimately it was because I allowed myself to become complacent to their words and actions. After that, it seemed easy to stop seeing things through an apologetic lens and only for what it truly was; a toxic, unhealthy mess.”

He paused, thinking about what to say next. “Of course, different situations call for different sensitivities. I’m only referring to something that you could walk away from with very little if any repercussions.”

Mat nodded, taking in his words. A question brewed in his mind, which Damien patiently waited for him to ask. “What made you finally leave?”

Damien thought. “What helped me leave was knowing that once I left, I would be able to go after what I really wanted. Maybe it wasn’t that simple, but I kept telling myself that everything I wanted was within my reach. I just had to stop pretending it wasn’t really there.”

A wind picked up around them, Mat sighing. He didn’t expect to have a pseudo therapy session in the middle of the night at a cemetery, but he appreciated the distraction. “What if … what you really want … what if it hurt you?”

“That, I can’t help you with” Damien replied apologetically. “However, I imagine you’re a reasonable man. Sometimes the best thing for you is to get hurt. It may sound a little backwards at first, but once the pain subsides, it’ll give you an understanding of your wants and needs.” He let his words sit for a moment. “Do you still want whatever hurt you? Is there still value there?”

“Yes” Mat said without hesitation.

“Then promise me this; if you decide to go back to whatever is hurting you, do it because you learned from the pain and that you know how to protect yourself. Not because you convinced yourself you were never hurt to begin with.”

Mat nodded slowly, thinking very carefully. He opened his mouth to say something, when a distant thud caught both of their attention. “What was that?” he asked quietly, unsure of what to make of the noise. Damien sighed knowingly.

“It seems Lucien found something to do …” He gracefully got to his feet, Mat doing the same, and started to clean up the picnic area. “I must take my leave now.” The two quickly packed everything away and Damien, just as easily as before, hid both the blanket and basket underneath his cloak. Brushing off any stray dirt, the two faced each other. “I hope our talk has helped you in some way?” Damien asked.

“It did” Mat said, nodded. “Thanks …”

“My pleasure. Take care my friend.” After a brief hug, the two parted ways; Damien headed deeper into the cemetery towards the noise and Mat found his way back onto the sidewalk. He thought over what Damien had said and, although it was broad, it comforted him. Maybe not enough to fix his problem, but enough to push him in the right direction.

_ Do it because you learned from the pain … _

He knew he had a long way to go, but he had to start somewhere if he was ever going to fix anything. Even if it meant facing the problem much sooner than he anticipated. He just hoped he could stick it out to the end.

…

It wasn’t long until Mat stood in front of the Cahn household, staring at the door. He fidgeted, bouncing a bit on his toes and looked around to find something else to take his attention. Nothing else seemed to be there, mostly due to the fact that it was barely 3 AM, making him frown.

_ I could just easily go back home. It’s only a few feet away. _

He swallowed thickly, shaking his head. No, he had to get this off his chest and deal with the problem at hand. Closing his eyes, he took one more deep breath and exhaled slowly. His breath came out in a small cloud, reminding him if how chilly it was now.

_ Alright, here we go. _

Lifting a stiff hand, he rang the doorbell.

He could hear it from inside and stood there in anticipation. None of the lights were on, as expected, and the longer he stood there the longer he thought he wasn’t going to get an answer. He went to ring the doorbell again, but quickly decided against it; it’s was too early and Mat suddenly realized he didn’t want to have to deal with a tired and disoriented Craig again.

Agreeing this was a bad idea and that he massively overestimated his courage, he turned to leave. His heart nearly jumped into his throat the second time that night when Craig jogged up the driveway at the same time. Mat froze, watching Craig give him the same look of surprise, removing his earbuds and stopping just a few feet away. His breathing was a little labored and his shirt was wet; he had just come back from a jog.

“I didn’t know you jogged so late … er, early …” Mat blurted, his anxiety forcing him to speak first. Craig frowned, shrugging a bit.

“I do now” he replied, an uncertainty in his tone. “Are you … okay?” Mat could tell Craig wanted to say more, but that uncomfortable silence fell between them again. Mat looked to the ground, trying to come up with the right answer.

“I, uh … can we … talk?”

Craig continued to stare at him and for a moment, Mat wasn’t sure if he had actually said anything or if it was all internal. He was about to repeat himself when Craig finally responded. “Sure …” he muttered. “Did you want to come inside?”

Mat nodded, stepping aside to let Craig unlock the front door. He made sure to keep space between them and followed Craig inside tentatively. The house was dark only for a moment before Craig walked across the room and switched on the lights. Mat was taken aback, somehow expecting him to live much cleaner. Instead, the house seemed unkept and was missing any kind of clue that children lived there as well. “Should we be quiet?” he asked, looking around.

“No, we’re alone” Craig said. “I don’t have the kids.”

His words reverberated through Mat, his anxiety surging at the thought of being alone with Craig. “Oh" was all he could manage. Unsure of where to go, Mat simply stood in the middle of the living room, watching him walk towards the hallway.

“I’m gonna freshen up a bit and then we can talk” Craig said over his shoulder, not really waiting for a response. “Make yourself comfortable.”

Mat nodded to no one in particular and once he heard the bathroom door close and the shower water start running, he decided to sit on the couch. It smelled faintly of baby powder. He began tapping his foot, rubbing his wrist to try and get out any aches he was feeling from the stress. His mind began to race.

_ The front door is just right there. You could run out of here and he wouldn’t be able to stop you. _

_ No, stop trying to run. He’s not going to hurt you. _

_ Again. He’s already hurt you once, what’s going to stop him from hurting you again? _

_ He’s not going to hurt you. You’re okay. You just have to explain what happened and he’ll understand if you can’t see him anymore. _

_ You’re in his house. In his territory. He can hurt you as many times as he wants as long as you stay here. Did you forget how easy it was for - _

The bathroom door opened once more, Mat flinching from the sudden noise. He sat still, listening to Craig pad across the hallway and what Mat assumed was his bedroom because he heard another door quietly open and close.

_ This is your chance to leave. _

Mat bit his lip, deciding to distract himself by looking around and observing his surroundings. He hadn’t been in Craig’s house before so everything was new. Underneath the clutter, the style of the decor was pretty simple. There were no intricate designs or over sized furniture. Some pops of color existed, but nothing too loud or obnoxious. It was as basic as basic could get without looking cheap.

_ I guess he doesn’t spend enough time home to worry about the look,  _ Mat thought. Getting particularly absorbed into the living room clock that hung on the wall across from him, Mat jumped once more when Craig’s bedroom door opened. With his anxiety elevated again, Mat sat still as he watched him enter the living room. Time seemed to be kind to Craig, the wound on his forehead healing nicely. It was still noticeable, but looked much less purple and swollen from the night Mat bandaged him up.

_ Looks like he had to get a couple stitches ... _

Sitting on the other side of the couch with as much room as possible between them, Craig took a deep breath. “Let’s talk.” he said through a nervous smile.

Mat nodded, scratching his cheek. “Well …” he started, glancing at Craig who seemed to be focusing intently on the conversation. “I … you …” Mat forced another laugh. This was difficult and his brain was short circuiting. He couldn’t just get up and leave though. He had already gotten so far he might as well finish the job. Clearing his throat, he tried again.

“That night you went drinking … I brought you back to my place, hoping you could sleep it off. You slept for a while, but eventually you came into my room and …” Mat’s throat tightened up and he struggled to breathe. His mind flashed back to the assault and he could feel his whole body begin to tremble. Noticing what was going on, Craig spoke up.

“Hey … hey it’s alright.” He said. For a moment he almost gripped Mat’s hand as a form of comfort, but instead held himself back. He tried again, this time with soft spoken words. “Listen … Mat, I know. I know what happened.”

Mat blinked. As if he wasn’t just going through a panic attack, his mind suddenly went blank and focused on Craig’s words, dissecting them very carefully. He let out a sharp breath. “You … you do?” He managed to ask.

Craig let himself smile somberly. “Yeah … Robert told me what happened.”

_ Oh my God, not Robert. Anyone but Robert. _

“What did he say?” Mat croaked, fatigue from his intense emotions finally hitting him.

“He said I assaulted you.” Craig stated simply. “He didn’t know the details and he was only going off of what you told him.” A pause fell between them, Craig watching Mat’s expression and Mat trying to deal with the fact that Robert was still around.

Craig continued.

”Mat, I’m sorry” he said through a frown. “I’m sorry I ever hurt you. I know that’ll never be enough, but I just … I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know how else to make this right.” He locked eyes with Mat one last time with the look of someone who was defeated. "What can I do to make this right? To help you stop hurting?"

After what seemed like an eternity, Mat finally responded.

“I wish I knew.”


	11. Three Months Later

Mat sighed, staring at the alarm clock that had been screeching for the last 5 minutes. It was white noise at this point, his mind on anything other than getting up and starting the day.

To be honest, he wasn’t sure how he ended up there. Most of what had happened earlier that morning was a complete blur and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t recall anything. It didn’t worry him too much; he knew nothing important occurred, otherwise he would have forced himself to remember. But laying there, trying to fill the gap between talking with Craig and waking up just now, didn’t help.

He could feel the weariness in his body from sleeping only a handful of hours, so it was only inevitable that the day was going to be slow and lethargic. Come to think of it, he wasn’t even sure why he set an alarm in the first place; it wasn’t a work day.

He contemplated staying in bed for the next 35 years, when there was a quiet knock on his door. He quickly reached over and silenced the alarm once and for all. “Come in” he replied, sitting up to look as if he wasn’t ready to accept life as a complete vegetable. Turning the knob slowly, Carmensita pushed the door open. She was still in her pajamas and she looked at him, almost annoyed.

“Your alarm woke me up” she muttered. Mat blinked, chuckling awkwardly.

“Oh, I didn’t think it was that loud. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not really that loud” she said, furrowing her brow. “But it just kept going and going. I almost thought you weren’t here.”

Mat apologized once more and Carmensita left him to get ready for the day. About an hour later, Mat finally made his way to the kitchen. Too lazy to cook, he fixed himself a bagel with cream cheese and a cup of coffee. Settling down at the dinner table, he found himself contemplating the rest of the day.

There wasn’t much to do and truth be told, he was probably going to take another nap in a few hours. The time in between however, was free for him to do as he pleased.

 _It would be nice to figure out what happened after Craig and I talked …_ he thought idly. _But I don’t know if Craig is keen to talk again so soon. Either that, or he’s probably busy with whatever it is he does._

A few sips of coffee seemed to wake him up and Mat finally decided to do some morning grocery shopping. It was incredibly low impact and didn’t require much thinking because his shopping list rarely changed. “Carmensita?” he called out.

“Yeah?” she replied, her voice coming from her bedroom.

“I’m going grocery shopping in a bit. Wanna come?”

There was a slight pause before she answered. “No, I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Yep!”

He shrugged to himself, swirling what was left of his coffee. _Guess I’m going alone._ Finishing his breakfast at a casual pace, Mat cleaned up a bit around him before opening the fridge. There didn’t seemed to be much food missing, so he assumed this trip was going to be short. Still, he would try to make the most of the time out in the daylight. Grabbing his keys, he headed out the door and locked it behind him.

… 

“Hey there sailor.”

Mat did his best not to outwardly groan. “Hey Mary” he said, letting the smallest sigh escape his lips. He had been cruising the frozen food aisle, trying to decide between two different brands of ice cream, when someone had tapped his shoulder. He looked around, coming face to face with Mary. She gave him a wry grin, her own hands busy with a basket full of organic something or other and her usual bottle of wine.

“Fancy seeing you here” she continued, doing her best to cross her arms without dropping her basket. “What have you been up to?”

“Nothing really” he blatantly lied. He wasn’t really in the mood to talk to her about what he knew she wanted to talk about. She frowned.

“Don’t be like that.”

“I’m just here to pick up some food” Mat said. “I don’t want to talk about anything.”

“You mean you don’t want to talk to me?”

“Don’t twist my words.”

She snorted. “I’m not twisting anything. Besides, Robert gave me the inside scoop.”

Mat’s eye twitched and he shot Mary an exacerbated look. “Then why are you bothering me?”

“Because I know Robert is a liar” she said simply. “Even when there’s nothing left to lose.”

“That’s not my problem.” Mat moved on to the vegetables, Mary following close behind. She didn’t seem to be here with any of her family, causing Mat to tighten his jaw in anxiety. The last thing he wanted was to have her badger him about that night in the middle of a grocery store and with no one else here that either of them knew, it would be almost impossible to shake her.

“Whatever the hell he did, it’s really fucked you up” she observed. “You’re acting real fuckin’ defensive today.”

“I just didn’t expect to be harassed at the store” he snapped. Not expecting this kind of reaction, Mary stepped back, her face falling.

“I’m not the bad guy here, Sella.” she defended, genuine surprise in her voice. “There’s nothing in this for me except to see you get out of a shitty situation.” She sighed gruffly. “I’m genuinely worried about you, alright?”

“Everything is fine” he muttered, going back to the radishes. He could feel a little guilt build up in his stomach. “It all sorted itself out. Robert and I aren’t seeing each other anymore.”

“For real?”

“Mhmm.”

“Huh …” Mary thought about his answer for a moment and he felt obliged to wait for her to resume the conversation. “Can I ask how you managed that?”

“I’d prefer you didn’t.”

“Fair enough.” She stepped around so that she stood in front of Mat and he had no choice but to maintain eye contact. “Look, I know I come off as a bitch, but I’m a friend. Okay?”

“Y-Yeah, okay.”

“I mean it.”

“I believe you” he reassured. She stared him down, making him much more nervous than before.

“Are you sure everything is okay?” she asked again, her tone much more serious this time. He furrowed his brow, carefully thinking over his answer this time, but not by much.

“...Yeah.”

“I don’t believe you” she admitted. “But I’ll let you have this.” Maintaining for just a moment longer, she bid him adieu and left him to his task. He stood still, feeling his stomach churning.

 _This isn’t anyone’s business but my own_  he thought to himself. _I don’t owe anyone an explanation._

Shaking off that intrusive feeling, he returned to picked out radishes he later realized he didn’t actually need. But at least it kept his mind off of things for a while.

…

Rubbing his eyes, it took another five minutes of staring off at a distant tree that Mat had realized he was sitting at a park bench. He had pulled up his car in the parking lot a little under an hour ago and settled himself on an empty bench. It was still before noon, so the park was somewhat empty. Every now and again he would hear the distant shrieks and laughter of children, but otherwise all was still.

He didn’t like this at all.

Normally he would lose time if he hadn’t slept for a few days or if he was feeling particularly upset about something. He supposed right now he was ‘upset’, but it wasn’t at the same level as when Rosa passed away. He was still functioning as an adult and managed to keep his relationship with Carmensita going. Sure, he might have been getting on her nerves more often than usual, but he chalked that up to her growing up. For all intents and purposes, he should have been fine. Yet here he was, not knowing how he survived driving out to the park with having no recent memory of doing so.

He slouched forward, rubbing his face vigorously with his hands. “Maybe I’m just tired …” he said aloud, trying to normalize the situation.

“You too?”

Mat looked up and found Craig slowly walk up to where he was sat. Unlike last time, Craig didn’t seem to be in the middle of a work out and instead just looked as if he made the sudden decision to be at the park. Mat swallowed thickly, feeling his mouth go ever so slightly dry. “H-Hey …” he greeted.

“I didn’t think I’d see you out here” Craig admitted.

“I wish I could say the same about you” Mat, tilted his head a bit to the side. “But not seeing you would be a bit odd.”

Craig smiled awkwardly, not sure if he should laugh. Instead, he moved the conversation along. “Are you enjoying the sun?”

“As much as I can, yeah.”

“I see …” There was a pause. “Can I join you?” Craig asked timidly. Mat obliged, scooting over to give the other man some room. Slowly, as if he was hoping not to scare Mat off, Craig sat down beside him, a good distance between the two. Mat could feel himself tense up just a bit; both from that experience and from the lack of knowing what ended up happening between them before Mat came back home. Craig on the other hand seemed to center himself, staring off into the distance in dead silence. At best, this helped Mat return to his own thoughts, but only for a moment.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Craig asked. Mat shrugged.

“I think so? I don’t really remember when I ended up in bed …” he chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “And … to be honest, I don’t remember much of our talk.”

Craig finally looked at him. “What do you mean?” he asked and Mat could tell Craig was a little hurt by the admission.

“I-It wasn't intentional” he added quickly, trying to backtrack. “I guess I was just tired and … the last half of the night with you slipped my mind …”

Craig seemed to accept this, his expression becoming more relaxed. “You really don’t remember?”

“No … I’ve tried all day to recall anything, but I’m drawing a blank.”

Craig looked down at his hands, visibly thinking. Mat watched him carefully, the rustle of leaves filling in the dead air between them. After what seemed like forever, Craig finally came to a conclusion. “We talked about giving you space” he said, smiling in self assurance. “Maybe for a couple months or so. I wasn’t going to try and bother you or get in your way. I know that’s a little tough, considering that we’re neighbors and all. But I have my ways of keeping myself busy.”

Craig paused, letting Mat soak in the information. For a moment, Mat expected himself to react surprised or in some amount of shock. But given everything he had been through, there were no emotions for something like this. If anything, he felt like this was exactly what was supposed to happen and he wouldn’t stand in the way of that. “Is that so …” he mumbled, mostly to himself.

Craig nodded slowly, returning his gaze out towards the field. “I was going to pay you a visit at your place later today, just to have a sort of last goodbye.”

“That’s … oddly poetic.”

“I thought it would have been nice.” The two of them laughed, a little more comfortably this time. “But now that plan isn’t gonna happen.”

“Why not have our last poetic chapter here?” Mat offered, finally surprising himself with how okay he was with all of this new information. Craig raised an eyebrow at him.

“How would we do that?”

“Well …” Mat thought back on some of those 90’s teen movies Carmensita forced him to watch a couple years ago. “We can just sit here, enjoying each others company.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah. Something simple, you know? We don’t have to talk and when we’re each good and ready, we can leave.”

Craig ran his fingers through his hair, looking up in quiet thought. “...Yeah, I’m down for that.”

The two went quiet, each of them focusing on separate parts of the scenery. He wasn’t quite sure how much time had passed, but Mat eventually got up first. His legs were a bit cramped, but he could ignore it for the most part. He took one last look at Craig, who was still seated and focused on the nearby rosebush.

He thought to say something, but nothing came to mind. The moment was quiet, but peaceful and there wasn’t much else to be done.

Exhaling, Mat walked off, doing everything he could not to look back.

...

It had been about three months when Mat caught himself searching for Craig’s number in his phone one lazy afternoon at the Coffee Spoon.

He knew it hadn’t been deleted and even if it had been through some mistake, the number was still permanently ingrained in his memory. He frowned, sighing a bit. At the moment, he was situated behind the counter, leaning against it with his back to the entrance. The Coffee Spoon was enjoying some usual customers, the vibe mellow and slow that day. He had just finished answering a text from Carmensita (although he was pretty sure she was supposed to be in the middle of class) and now was looking for something else to pass the time. His wandering mind eventually brought him to his list of saved numbers, subconsciously looking for one in particular until he realized what he was doing.

He grimaced, opting to pocket his phone instead. It had been a good while since he had slipped up like this so it came as a surprise that he was suddenly so interested in Craig again.

Ever since their goodbye at the park, Mat had rarely seen Craig around at all. He was pretty sure the man still lived next door,but not much else could be said. Mat himself fell back into a routine of going to work and wearing out his socialization energy with the usual group of familiar strangers at the Coffee Spoon. His life became quiet, monotonous and settled back exactly where it had been almost a year before.

The only difference seemed to be a very noticeable lack of Robert. The man had a very peculiar routine of arriving to the Coffee Spoon about 45 minutes before it officially opened to enjoy some morning coffee with Mat. But after their confrontation, Robert seemed to disappear of the face of the planet as well. This one, Mat was less concerned about, but it still made him curious.

Going back to his phone briefly, the entrance bell rang and a steady flow of customers occupied the rest of his day.

The rest of the week seemed to go at about the same pace, and a part of Mat enjoyed this, despite the repetition. If there was anything he needed, it was repetition. It soothed him, knowing that no matter what happened now, every day was going to be the same day. Nothing new would occur unless he went out of his way to make it happen. He was in his own little bubble again and he didn’t anticipate anything out of the ordinary.

Of course, with all wishful thinking, a part deep down inside Mat knew it would be a matter of time before things changed once more.

What he didn’t expect was Robert to show up in the middle of the day at the Coffee Spoon, slipping inside behind a gaggle of customers and taking his place at his usual table. Mat was pretty sure the man had been sitting there for at least a half an hour before he even noticed. Taking care of the last few orders, Mat kept glancing over at Robert, who seemed to be more interested in what was happening outside the window rather than inside the shop. It was usual Robert behavior, so Mat couldn’t say for sure if it was a way for Robert to avoid looking at him accidentally. Of course, he could have just not shown up to the Coffee Spoon in the first place but, again, Robert was a strange man. No matter what happened, that much was always going to be true.

Ringing up the last customer for a while, the Coffee Spoon quieted down as patrons enjoyed their drinks, chatting amongst each other. Cleaning off the counter and busying himself with a bit of reorganization, Mat realized that Robert hadn’t done anything beyond just sitting there. It was incredibly likely that this was just a way to get Mat to talk to him, but Mat couldn’t find anything inside him to particularly care. Straightening himself up, he stepped out from behind the counter and quietly approached Robert’s table.

“Can I get you anything?” Mat asked, his tone more professional than friendly. It grabbed Robert’s attention and he met Mat’s gaze. A deep frown was set on his face, though it didn’t read as hostile. This was a good start.

“...got any muffins?” Robert asked, his voice sounding as if he hadn’t spoken a word in years.

“Any particular flavor?” he asked, keeping his voice level. Robert didn’t take long to think.

“Blueberry.”

“Sure thing.” Making his way back to the pastry display, Mat snagged the last blueberry muffin, making sure it was still safe to eat and placed it in front of Robert. “Can I get you anything else?” he asked, watching Robert pull off a few blueberries and pop them in his mouth.

“No thanks” he mumbled, distracting himself now with eating off all the blueberries from the muffin. Shrugging a bit, Mat let him be and returned to his post behind the counter. Every now and again a new customer entered the shop, but in between his sales, Mat would stare at Robert, trying to decipher the man.

 _I wonder what he wants …_  he thought. He was sure Robert didn’t forget how things ended between them and it would have been stupid of him to pretend nothing ever happened. But after a few minutes of somewhat intense staring, Mat realized that Robert was much more … subdued. He never once looked at Mat, keeping him eyes on either the muffin in front of him or out the window. It was as if the rest of the world stopped existing and the only thing that really mattered was himself.

_Wouldn’t that be nice … being oblivious like that._

_Is it really being oblivious though?_  Another thought came to him.

_Of course it is … he knows what he did and he just gets to sit there, pretending like it’s all alright._

_You’re projecting that though. You don’t know what’s going on in his mind._

_He’s not that hard to figure out._

_Are you sure?_

Robert suddenly stood up from his seat, prompting Mat to look like he wasn’t just having an inner monologue and fiddling with a few of the counter decorations. Keeping his gaze down, he waited to hear the entrance door ring. It never came however and instead he could feel a presence approach him. Looking up, it was Robert. “How much for the muffin?” he croaked, sticking his hand in his pocket and pulling out a wallet.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it” Mat blurted out a little too quickly. Robert’s shoulders dropped a bit and he couldn’t stop himself from letting out a long sigh.

“It’s all I’ve been doing” he said flatly, placing a $5 bill on the counter between them. Without waiting for Mat to protest, Robert turned on his heel and left the shop. Blinking, Mat gingerly grabbed the bill and put it in the register. Counting out the change, he made a mental note to give the rest back to Robert the next time they ran into each other.

It was an odd encounter and it definitely interrupted Mat’s routine. But that night, going to bed at what he assumed was a reasonable time, Mat knew there was so much more to it than that.


	12. We'll See About That

Over the next few weeks, Craig kept returning to Mat's mind. It wasn't necessarily intrusive, but it was definitely something new and it was happening with increasing frequency. If he tried hard enough, Mat could have probably ignored it and gone about his day. But it wasn't long until even the most mundane things kept reminding him of the other man; the park, the gym, the vegetable aisle at the grocery store. Even just looking at other men reminded him of Craig and frankly, it was beginning to piss him off.

Still, Mat resisted the urge to make contact. It was almost four months since the two spoke and Mat couldn't say for sure where that had left them. They parted ways civilly and plainly. Nothing else was to be said and for the most part, it was fine. Mat had gotten his time alone and Craig ... well, Craig got to focus on his own life. Everything was going as well as it could, but he wasn't sure if that meant things should return to how it was before. Mat still felt awkward just thinking about interacting with Craig in any physical manner and he really couldn't decide if that meant a romantic relationship was permanently off the table.

That was where Mat ran into a more moralistic problem.

The situation was somewhat layered and it didn’t feel right to ignore any part. But as he thought about them, the more likely that seemed. On the one hand, he still felt fondly of Craig and was willing to ignore what had happened to get that feeling of being wanted back. On the other, he didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore and would have rather sank back into his shell, creating a wall between him and everyone else for the rest of his life. There were things so appealing about both tracks of thought, but he just couldn’t decide to go with either.

If he was being completely honest with himself, this dilemma almost made him feel like a bad person. The decision should have been easy, for the sake of his own safety and sanity. He should have been able to categorize Craig as a threat and shut that part of his life out forever. So why couldn’t it be that simple? Why couldn’t Mat just convince himself Craig was a bad person and leave it at that?

After all this time, Mat chalked it up to circumstance. Craig wasn’t normally a drinker and whatever drove him to do it in the first place was out of Mat’s hands. Not to mention the fact that Robert seemed to orchestrate the entire debacle. If it wasn’t for Robert, Mat confidently believed that nothing would have happened and that was what persuaded him to subconsciously give Craig a second chance.

_ Robert was the one who fucked everything to hell, _ he confirmed to himself.

Speaking of Robert, Mat still couldn't be bothered with him. The two seemed to go back to their routine of having breakfast together at the Coffee Spoon, but beyond sitting and eating in silence, there wasn't much to expect. It wasn't until today that Robert actually spoke up on the subject, or at all, for the first time.

It had been raining that morning, the distant sound of thunder rumbling almost rhythmically. Mat loved this kind of weather; it made drinking coffee so much more enjoyable. He had momentarily forgotten he was sitting with Robert, his attention on the rain that was gently pattering against the window. A gentle hand on his arm brought him back to the present as he turned his head to meet Robert's eye. The illusion of peace was wiped away.

"I wanna talk to you" Robert grunted, pulling back. Mat didn't bother to hide his frown, moving to rub the spot where Robert's hand rested. He still didn’t like being touched.

"Sure..." He answered wearily. "What about?"

"I've been thinking about everything..." Robert started, giving Mat a knowing look. "I really fucked things up for you." Mat stayed silent, looking back out the window again. Robert took this as a sign to continue. “I guess it was jealousy or some sappy shit like that. I don’t know.”  Robert stopped talking, pushing Mat to respond after a long moment.

“It’s fine” he said simply. He could feel Robert’s eyes on him, dissecting his words.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” Mat shrugged.

Robert let out a long, slow breath and leaned back into his chair. He seemed much more relaxed and attentive. “I take it you’ve forgiven Cahn too then?” he asked.

“Mmm.”

“You gonna try seeing him again?”

“I don’t know.” Mat frowned slightly, not liking how Robert was so interested in the details of his life. “That’s still something I’m figuring out.” Mat made it obvious he didn’t want to talk about it anymore and Robert nodded in understanding. For the first time since Mat sat down with him that day, Robert grabbed his cup of coffee and began to sip it carefully.

Some time passed before Mat checked his watch. The Coffee Spoon was set to open in about 15 minutes and after downing the last of his coffee, excused himself to finish setting up. Grabbing the broom, he set to sweeping the floor, Robert watching him. It didn’t take long for him to start talking again.

“How long has it been?” Robert asked.

“Since when?” Mat answered, not really paying attention.

“Since I last had you?”

Mat stiffened, turning sharply to give Robert a surprised and highly annoyed look. “Excuse me?”

Robert laughed deeply, holding his hands up in defense. “I’m just messing with you.”

It took a moment to hit Mat, but when it did, he merely went back to sweeping the floor; albeit with more aggression now. “I fucking hate your jokes” he spat, keeping his eyes on the ground.

“They amuse me ~” Robert said simply, taking another sip of his coffee. “It also makes going back to how things were easier. I’m tellin’ you Sella, jokes fix a lot of things.”

“We’re not going back to anything” Mat replied.

Robert furrowed his brow slightly. “Hm?”

“We don’t have anything anymore.” Mat gave him a look. “That should have been obvious.”

“Oh come on” Robert insisted. “Don’t be a sourpuss. So I fucked up momentarily; it’s not the end of what we have.”

“Had. Past tense.”

Robert snorted, his expression becoming much less playful. “Look at you, being all defiant. It’s cute.” Mat could feel the air change between them and instead of watching what Robert was doing, he kept his focus on setting up the Coffee Spoon. He hoped it wouldn’t be long before someone finally showed up, forcing Mat to break away from Robert. “I know you remember how often you’ve come back to me when I’ve made a misstep.” Robert continued, his words making Mat’s skin crawl. “It’s only going to be a matter of time before I’m fucking you senseless again.”

“How can you be so sure?” Mat asked, engaging in the conversation despite his mind telling him to keep quiet.

“You’re easy in every sense of the word” Robert mused. “Easy to read, easy to manipulate, easy to fuck. I love it all.”

Thoroughly offended, Mat had to stop himself from taking the broom and beating Robert over the head. “There’s nothing I want less than to be around you again.” he muttered, moving to wipe off the counter top, his attention still off of Robert.

He chuckled again and Mat listened to the scraping of the chair on the ground as Robert stood up. “We’ll see about that” he said. With that, he shuffled out the door, letting it shut softly behind him. Pausing, Mat took a moment to sit down at one of the tables. He didn’t want to feel intimidated, but Robert wasn’t one to back down if he knew he could still have his way.

_ I’m not going back to him,  _ Mat thought firmly. Shaking himself out of the desire to dwell on the matter, he managed to prepare the rest of the shop before the first customers began to arrive. He wanted to think his focus was on getting orders right and making sure all of his customers were well provided for, like always. But instead, that ever creeping thought of Robert and Craig soon invaded his thinking space.

Maybe he would finally deal with it when he came home that night.

...

It was a long day, Mat not being able to find time to rest in between waves of customers. It hadn’t stopped raining since that morning, attracting both new and old customers in higher numbers than usual.

_ It’s not that chilly outside …  _ he thought, watching a few customers entertaining themselves by taking pictures of their coffee mugs. He frowned thoughtfully to himself.  _ I really should practice more foam art. They’re gonna get tired of all the hearts eventually. _

Taking care of a few last orders, Mat finally felt the crowd die down as the last hour of the work day was coming to a close. It wasn’t long before the Coffee Spoon emptied out and, to the relief of Mat, Robert didn’t make a return. Closing time was peaceful, Mat getting into his usual routine of cleaning and rearranging. He had also made use of his time by taking stock and writing down anything he would need to bring next week. After about an hour and a half, he was satisfied with the shop and closed up for the night.

Pocketing his keys, he walked back home, his mind once again occupied with Craig.

_ I wonder what he’s doing right now  _ he thought. Part of him wanted to come across Craig during a run, but he knew the man was more of a morning person. It had only been recently that he would catch glimpses of Craig jogging past the storefront, not making any indication that he wanted to come inside and order anything. It made Mat’s heart sink a little bit, but he knew that this was what they had agreed to a few months ago.

_ It’s all going exactly how you want it to go. That’s a good thing. _

“I guess so” he answered himself. Making it back to the cul de sac, he walked past a few homes, each time trying to figure out what everyone was doing. It hadn’t crossed his mind before, but Mat was spending less and less time with everyone. He had stopped going to Joseph’s cookouts, he thoroughly avoided one on one time with Damien and Hugo during Open Mic Nights and politely declined any invitations from Brian to attend Trivia Night. He was even becoming less involved with Carmensita’s life, though that had its limits. She was his daughter after all and he couldn’t just outright pretend she didn’t exist like he did with everyone else.

With all this going on, Mat was suddenly bothered. Despite temporarily ending things with Craig, Mat thought his life was going pretty well. He was back in his usual routine, Robert didn’t bother him that much and any serious bouts of anxiety were few and far in between. So why was he shutting himself away from everyone? It didn't make sense to him that, after everything balanced out, he was even less responsive than usual. He should have felt free to talk and mingle and get his life back on track. But that didn’t seem to be the case and he was beginning to wonder what was stopping him.

He reached his home, entering quietly in case Carmensita was sleeping. It was only 9 PM, but he recalled her recent habit of heading to bed earlier than usual. He made a note to ask her about that tomorrow.

Closing the front door behind him, he made his way to the living room couch and sat down heavily, letting out a tired groan. His body ached from that day’s work and the cool fabric of the couch instantly relaxed him. Closing his eyes from a few minutes, he thought about just falling asleep then and there, but his mind immediately shot the idea down.

_ Don’t you want to talk to Craig? _

He perked up, quickly reaching for his phone in his back pocket. He had almost allowed himself to call Craig, when he stopped just as fast, placing his phone on the coffee table.

“Wait, I have to think about this” he muttered to himself. Drumming his fingers against the table, he stared intently at the silent phone. He had resolved to reconnect with Craig again, but he still hadn’t made up his mind how to do this. He first wanted to call, but wasn’t sure his anxiety could handle talking. Texting didn’t seem to be any better of an option, as he wasn’t exactly sure what to say that wouldn’t come off as anything other than sincere.

_ Craig isn’t a complicated man, _ he thought.  _ He’ll probably be happy no matter what you say to him. _

He nodded, silently accepting this line of thinking. Still, he stared at his phone and made no move to dial Craig. He knew he was overthinking this, just like he did most decisions. This time however, there wouldn’t be any consequence from inaction; everything would stay exactly the same.

_ Is that what you want though? _

He shook his head, sighing deeply. Gathering a small surge of energy, he finally grabbed his phone and called Craig.

It rang three times before Craig picked up.

“Hello?” Craig answered, his voice seemingly a bit slurred. Mat could feel a knot in his stomach, trying not to sink back into the memory of hearing that for the first time.

“H-Hey” Mat said carefully.

“Oh hey!” Craig perked up and Mat could tell the phone was held away for a minute as he yawned loudly. “Sorry about that” Craig said through a small chuckle, bringing the phone back. “I was taking a nap.”

“Oh you were?” Mat let out a sigh of relief, feeling himself relax a little. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you …”

“Nah, it’s cool bro. I needed to be up soon anyway.” Craig paused slightly. “Is … something wrong?” he asked, a little more tentatively.

“No!” Mat reassured quickly. “I just … wanted to know how you’ve been.”

Craig thought briefly. “I’ve been alright. Busy, like usual. How about you?”

“About the same …”

“Is that a good thing?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“That’s good ...” A silence fell between them, neither knowing how else to continue the conversation. Mat started to inwardly panic.

_ Oh God, this was a bad idea. Why did I do this? _

His thought was interrupted when Craig spoke up. “Hey …” he started slowly, thinking about his words as he was going to say them. “I know this is really tough for you. But, I’m happy you haven’t forgotten about me … I’ve missed you.”

Mat’s cheeks flushed, stammering a response. “I … I’ve missed you too.”

Craig chuckled under his breath, sending a tingle up Mat’s spine. He had missed this. “Not that I’m complaining, but why the sudden call?” Craig asked. “I know it’s probably more than just catching up on small talk …”

Mat could feel a sense of guilt in his stomach. “Well … you know it’s been a long while …”

“Yeah …?”

“... and, while it hasn’t been bad, it hasn’t been great either …”

“Mmm.”

Mat rubbed the back of his neck, trying to put his thoughts together. “I guess … I finally came to a conclusion.”

“Did you?” Mat could hear the surprise in Craig’s voice. “What did you decide?” The question was soft, as if Craig suddenly didn’t want someone else to listen in on their conversation. Mat bit his lip; he knew this was what he wanted.

“I want to see you again.”

Craig sucked in an audible breath, his heart thumping wildly in his chest. “Really? Bro, y-you have no idea how much I’ve wanted to hear you say that! This is gonna be great, I can feel it!”

“B-But you have to understand, we need to take this slow” Mat said quickly. “We can’t just pick up where we left off. I’d rather we just … started over.”

“No yeah, of course!” Craig seemed to catch himself from all the excitement, reeling himself back into a more collected state. “I totally understand.”

“Good” Mat said, relieved. “I’m glad we can do this again …”

“Yeah, same.” For a moment, Craig seemed distracted, but returned just as quickly. “Listen, I have some work I gotta finish tonight, so I gotta go. But, if it’s not too much … do you think I can text you tomorrow?”

“Y-Yeah. Yeah of course. I’d like that.”

“Sweet. I’ll talk to you later bro. Bye!”

“Bye.” Mat hung up the phone, thinking over the conversation. He smiled.

_ Yeah … this is gonna be great. _

Spending a few more minutes out in the living room, he eventually picked himself off the couch and entered the kitchen. Grabbing some snacks and a drink, Mat went to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

…

Keeping his promise, Craig had texted Mat first thing in the morning.

**Morning Bro! Hope you slept well :)**

It wasn’t entirely expected, Mat slowly waking up from the ping of his phone. Blinking away the sleepiness in his eyes, Mat groggily replied.

**Morning. I slept pretty well, thanks.**

He looked over at his clock, surprised it was almost 8 AM. He had thought that if Craig was going to make an early text, it would have been three hours earlier. He supposed it was Craig’s way of trying to adapt the least intrusive way to establish contact again after so long. He didn’t mind it and it felt nice to wake up to a text.

Deciding it was time to get up out of bed, Mat hopped into the shower and came out 45 minutes later to another text from Craig, asking him if he had anything planned for the rest of the day. Mat replied, letting him know that his day was mostly free to do whatever he wanted. The questioned persuaded Mat to think that Craig was going to ask if they could do something together. He wouldn’t have been opposed to the idea, but thought that maybe they could do something simple, like taking a walk. It was the start, after all.

It took Craig a while to respond, but when he did, he simply thought it was cool that Mat had the day off. Mat blinked; well okay then.

_ At least you don’t have to deal with going out  _ he assured himself. Their conversation seemed to end there and Mat went about his day, focusing on relaxing and getting some chores done.

To Mat’s delight, this was how the next couple of days played out. He would wake up to a simple good morning text from Craig, they would ask each other what they were doing that day and at night, they would both text good night to each other. The following day, it would start all over again. It was innocent, Mat had thought, and neither expected anything more than friendly conversation from each other.

It would have been a lie for Mat to say he was anxious about it at first. He knew he wanted to start things again, but he had been worried that Craig’s energy would cause him to jump into things too fast and Mat would be scared off again. To some degree, this bothered Mat. He didn’t like to be perceived as jumpy or skittish. He did have a right to feel this way, but how much of it was necessary and how much of it was just emphasis? He still hadn’t figured that out, but he was nevertheless determined to step away from his shell.

It was a cozy Saturday morning when Mat woke up to yet another good morning text. He didn’t read it right away and instead just lay in silence, listening to the rain. It was finally that season and everyday was met with some kind of range between a drizzle and vicious hail. Today it seemed to be coming down at a moderate rate, creating a low hum that almost lulled Mat back to sleep. There was the occasional thunder, making it even harder to get out of bed.

After a few moments, he decided he had kept Craig waiting long enough and replied to the text.

**Good Morning :) How did you sleep?**

**I slept pretty good bro! Managed to get some exercising done despite the weather too ~**

**Did you run?**

**Yep! Don’t worry, I wore a hoodie haha**

Mat frowned a bit, typing out his next message with obvious concern.

**Are you sure you won’t catch a cold doing that?**

**I think I’ll be fine. I’m not the kind to get sick so easily!**

_ Oh of course. It’s because he’s built like a bull  _ Mat thought, almost enviously. The two continued to exchange a few more texts and Mat decided to go about his day like usual. He opted out of a shower this time because he wasn’t about to get naked during cold, rainy weather. Instead, he merely changed into cozy lounge wear, consisting of sweatpants, a long sleeve shirt and a pullover jacket. With slippers to finish his look, he stuck his hands in his pockets and shuffled out into the rest of the house.

“Morning” Carmensita greeted from her spot on the couch. She seemed to have the same idea as him as she was bundled up in a handful of blankets. Her entire body was concealed except for her head that poked out, but just barely. She was somewhat engrossed in whatever reality tv show was on that morning.

“Morning” he replied before disappearing into the kitchen. He wasn’t sure why, but the moment he stepped inside, his eyes landed on the succulent that occupied the counter. It struck a chord with him and he took a moment to examine the plant. It seemed to be well taken care of, courtesy of Carmensita, and it looked even greener than the first day it had arrived. The pot it was in, which of course was the same cat as before, looked a bit scuffed from being handled, but otherwise retained its charm.

He never thought about getting rid of the plant or venting his frustrations out on the poor thing. It was just a plant and despite the circumstances in which it was forever related, it was living its best life and Mat couldn’t have been more in awe.

“Sometimes I wish I had your life, buddy”,  he said with a small sigh. Moving on from the plant, he could feel the chill of the household seep through his clothes ever so slightly. He shivered a bit and decided he had to have a remedy for this chill.

Poking his head out of the kitchen doorway, he got Carmensita’s attention. “Have you eaten anything yet, Sweetheart?”

“Not yet” she said, shaking her head while keeping her eyes on the tv.

“Do you want some hot cocoa?” he asked.

“Yes!” she exclaimed, bouncing in her spot happily as she finally tore her eyes away from the screen to look at him excitedly. He chuckled and got to work on the recipe.

After some time, Mat carefully walked out to the living room, balancing two full mugs of hot cocoa on a serving tray. Excited, Carmensita scooted over to give him some room to sit after he had placed the tray on the coffee table.”Be careful” he warned her as she was reaching over to grab one. “I don’t want you to burn yourself.”

“I’ll do my best” she said with a small pout. She was always so quick to want to try things without giving them a moment to settle first. Mat was surprised she hadn’t managed to hurt herself in some way yet.

Settling back into the couch, Mat subsequently joined Carmensita in watching television. The two enjoyed their hot cocoa and after a couple episodes, they settled on a movie. It was another one of those that was geared towards kids, but would slip in some references for the adults. Mat didn’t really understand why they had to do that, but if someone out there liked it, then he wouldn’t complain.

During a rather slow scene, Mat decided to gather the empty mugs and wash them. Carmensita didn’t seem to mind, mostly because she was on the verge of falling asleep anyway from how warm she felt now. Placing the mugs in the sink, Mat looked out the window as he rolled up his sleeves. “Oh, looks like it stopped raining” he said to himself. It was actually now just a light drizzle, but it seemed on its way to stopping fully.

Making light work of the dishes, he had only just finished drying his hands when his phone chimed with a message. Pulling it out, he smiled when he realized it was Craig.

**Hey bro! If you’re not busy, do you want to go for a walk tonight? I think it’ll stop raining by then.**

Mat blinked, surprised by the request. It had only been a few days, so he wasn’t expecting to hang out with Craig for another week or so. He thought for a moment before answering.

**Yeah, I’d like that**

The two arranged to meet at Craig’s place around 7 PM and Mat could feel himself getting a mixture of anxiety and excitement.

Even after all this time, he would have been a fool to try and convince himself he didn’t still have feelings for Craig. Of course they were a bit subdued at this point, but he couldn’t help but let his guard down, just for a moment. Craig had been keeping himself scarce, which was what Mat needed without a doubt. But thinking back on all those months of not even talking face to face, Mat felt it was starting to become wasted time. He needed to be in Craig’s presence again, even if it was just for one night.

After that, he would be sure of what he really wanted.

_ Be careful… _

Feeling a small smile at the corner of his lips, he returned to the living room and waited for the next few hours to pass.

...

Luckily for Craig, the rain had managed to stop by the time the two were set to meet. Still, Mat wanted to be sure he was prepared for anything, so he put on his raincoat right before heading out of the house. Right before he left, Carmensita seemed to be off to sleep again. Mat had forgotten to talk to her about that, but he did let her know he would be back soon and to not open the door for anyone. She sleepily agreed and with a quick hug, the two parted ways.

The ground of course was still wet and Mat didn’t make much of an effort to avoid the mini puddles. He kind of liked stepping in them anyway, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.

His walk was short and he found himself at the doorstep of the Cahn household for the first time in months. Passing by it was one thing, but to stand there with a purpose was almost overwhelming.

_ Should I really be here?  _ He suddenly thought, making his heart skip a beat.  _ Is this really a good idea? _

He shook his head vigorously, pushing those thoughts away the best he could. There was no reason to worry and he knew this. Chalking it up to just pure anxiety, he took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

“Coming!” Craig called from inside. Brushing off any sort of lint from his outfit, Mat stood straight as the door was opened, revealing an equally cozy looking Craig. A moment passed between them as they took in each other’s presence.

“H-Hey” Craig said first, his face becoming flushed from both Mat and the cold.

“Hey” Mat replied tentatively. “It’s … been a while.”

Craig smiled, took a half step, then immediately stopped himself. “Is it okay if we hug?” he asked.

Mat rung his hands together, that nervous feeling creeping up on him too quickly. “Maybe after the walk” he finally answered, his stomach dropping from the realization that he might have already ruined this outing. Craig seemed taken aback, but only for a moment before smiling softly.

“No problem bro.” With that, the two began their quiet walk around the cul de sac. It was a cold night, so Mat couldn't help but drift slightly closer to Craig, their shoulders brushing just enough. They managed to pass two houses before conversation started once more.

“How are things?” Craig asked.

“They’re alright” Mat said, thinking back on the last couple of days. “It’s been nice to talk to someone again.”

Craig didn’t hide his slight smile. “I’m still surprised you reached out to me again.”

“Why?” Mat asked, unable to stop himself. Craig shrugged.

“I guess after a while, I had just accepted that things weren’t ever going to get better. That I had messed up my chance and that I should move on.” Mat looked down at the ground, unsure of how to respond. Craig seemed to sense this and quickly added, “Don’t worry about it though. I can deal with it.”

A silence fell between them, but it wasn’t as awkward as either them thought. It was nice, met with the occasional rogue raindrop. “You know …” Craig started again, Mat perking up to listen. “Sometimes I’ll jog around the park and every now and again I’ll remember our first outing there.”

“Oh yeah …” Mat recalled, smiling a bit at the memory. “I also remember you fell asleep halfway through.”

Craig laughed. “Aw man, I still feel really bad about that.”

“It’s alright. I mean it was a pretty nice day and I probably would have fallen asleep right with you too.”

Craig nodded, his mind now racing through different memories. “Do you remember the diner?”

“I remember you looking like you had just run a hundred miles. You were so exhausted.”

“Yeah, those coaches ran me ragged.”

“You were a little more collected during our vinyl shopping trip though. Even if it was a bit short.”

“We made up for it though with the day at the carnival.”

“Yeah” Mat smiled widely, a warmth in his chest. “I think … that was my favorite outing with you.”

“We could always go again” Craig said, a little hopeful. “After all this weather clears up maybe? I mean it won’t be for another couple of months, but that should give us enough to time to warm up to the idea, yeah?”

Mat thought for a moment, debating on the invitation. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.”

The rest of the walk was short, but it had still given them enough time to reminisce about time they had spent with each other. There were things they avoided though, like talking about that night and whenever Craig was asked about his kids, he gave a vague answer. But it was a nice experience and sooner rather than later, they wound up back at Craig’s front door. At this point, the rain had started back up again, but only as a light drizzle. They still had a few more minutes.

“Thanks for inviting me out” Mat said, giving Craig a genuine smile. “It was really nice to talk in person again and to just have that time together.”

“Thanks for taking me up on my offer” Craig said with a chuckle. “I hope … we can do it again soon?”

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.” Mat wasn’t sure why he had the sudden urge, but he allowed himself to lean in for a hug, wrapping his arms loosely around Craig’s waist. Craig stiffened, unsure of what to do briefly before gingerly returning the hug. It was warm and soothing, just as they had both remembered and Mat had to use all of his will power to eventually let go.

“I’ll uh … I’ll talk to you later?” Craig asked, obviously flustered from the unexpected contact.

“Y-Yeah” Mat said, equally surprised. Their goodbyes were quick and Mat waited for Craig to step back into his house before heading off himself. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he did his best to retain the heat from Craig, but the wind had managed to wipe most of it away by the time he reached his own house again.

_ It’s alright, you’ll get another chance to feel it again,  _ He reassured himself. Pausing at his door, he took one last look over at the Cahn household. A familiar feeling crept up in his chest and for the first time in almost a year, Mat was beginning to feel happy once more.

He sighed, content with the night. Pulling out his keys, he had only just found the one for front door when a fistful of his hair was suddenly grabbed from behind.


	13. End of Book One

Craig was in the middle of his early morning jog when he received a text.

Slowing down to a casual walk, he took his phone from his arm band and checked the message.

**Hey dad! :) What are you up to?**

He stopped completely, catching his breath as he read the message from Briar again. Furrowing his brow, he checked his watch; it was 6:45 and as far as he knew, the girls didn’t have to be up so early. Still, this was the first time he was hearing from them in two weeks, so he replied swiftly.

**Hey baby girl! I’m on my morning jog. What are you doing up so early?**

**River decided to wake up about 30 minutes ago and hasn’t fallen back asleep. Mom’s getting really irritated**

**Has she been doing that a lot?**

**Only for a couple of days and sometimes she screams for no reason. River, not mom**

**Is she sick?**

**I think she’s just being fussy.**

Craig didn’t really like her answer, but there wasn't much he could do. Normally he would have asked to come over and see River for himself, but he knew Ashley wasn’t about to lift his ban from her house. Even after several months, she wasn’t ready to let him see his own children again.

His jaw tightened, trying not to get too bitter at the thought. It was much worse in the beginning, the first week or so finding him trying to change her mind about the whole thing. She was stubborn of course and never budged and eventually Craig had to stop himself from harassing her on a daily basis. Every now and again he was tempted to give her a call, but he knew it would only irritate her, especially now that it seemed like River was proving to be a handful for her alone.

 _Maybe offer your help … ?_ He thought innocently. _Just your help. Nothing else. She can’t say no to that if things are getting really bad._

Keeping the thought in mind, he replied to Briar.

**Well alright then. Anyway, get plenty of rest when you can and make sure to eat your vegetables!**

**:(**

**And drink plenty of water!**

**Alright alright!**

Their conversation ended and Craig continued on his run. The morning was chilly as it had been for a while, so he was wearing a jacket and hat along with his usual attire. Luckily it hadn’t started raining yet, so he didn’t have to worry too much about getting very cold. Turning a corner, he continued his run alongside Maple Bay Park and his heart warmed.

About an hour later, Craig had returned home. Shutting the front door behind him, he started his daily routine. Entering the bathroom, he hopped into the shower and, despite what he had always done, he decided today he would try a hot shower to heat himself up from the cool weather. The water hit his skin and an immediate tingle overtook his body.  He let out a long sigh, his shoulders relaxing and his tired muscles releasing any tension they might have held.

_This is nice … I should do this more often …_

Lost in the steam around him, Craig didn’t realize how much time had passed and when he finally stepped out, it was already 9 AM. Quickly drying himself off and putting on something warm and cozy, he searched for his phone and typed out his good morning message to Mat.

**Morning bro! :) Hope you slept well!**

Satisfied, he sent it on it’s way. Sure, his morning messages were a bit repetitive, but he didn’t want to be bold and try something new in case it didn’t sit well with Mat. The two had promised to start things over and for the most part Craig happily agreed. He had just hoped he could express his affection much sooner.

But patience was a virtue and Craig needed to exercise this kind of self control if he was ever going to rebuild their fractured relationship properly. “You got this bro” he said under his breath. “You just gotta take it slow. Things will work out eventually.” Somewhat rejuvenated from his mini pep talk, he busied himself with breakfast, cooking a couple eggs with some toast.

The rest of his morning passed by quietly and it wasn’t until he was taking a break from working at his computer that Craig checked his phone again. “Huh” he said simply, realizing that Mat hadn’t replied to his text. He was usually punctual, making Craig a little anxious. He thought for a moment that maybe he had said something wrong without realizing it, but pushed the thought aside. “Maybe he’s just having a busy day” he decided. “People can be busy. It’s no big deal.”

Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly and reassured himself that nothing was wrong; he was just getting ahead of himself. Everything was fine.

_Well, maybe not everything._

Phone still in hand, his mind drifted back to Ashley. He wondered how River was doing, now that a few hours had passed. He didn’t hear anything back from his daughters, so he could only assume things were back to normal. “Or maybe they don’t want me to know how things are falling apart” he said automatically, his heart thumping a little harder. Unable to help himself, he dialed Ashley and waited.

On the last ring, she picked up.

“Yeah?” she answered briskly. Craig winced, but kept himself from being too emotive.

“Hey Ashley” he started. “I uh … how are you?”

“Craig, I don’t have time for small chat” she snapped, already annoyed with the conversation. “Just get to the point.” Undeterred, Craig grasped for the right words to keep her from hanging up too quickly.

“A-Ah … well, I heard River’s been giving you some trouble. If it becomes too much for you, I just wanted to let you know that I can always come over and help out ...” A silence followed and Craig wasn’t sure if she had already hung up on him. He was about to ask if she was still there when she let out a small sigh. He blinked and waited for her to say something.

“Is that it? You just want to help out?”

“Of course. I know it’s tough being alone with the kids … I promise that’s my only intention.”

She huffed and Craig could tell she rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to tell me that. I know you’re not the kind to have a hidden agenda …” she trailed off, thinking for a moment in silence. Craig waited patiently and she started again, her voice much softer this time. “Alright yeah, I would appreciate some help. Can you come over tomorrow?”

“I’m free today, I could always -”

“No, not today” she cut him off, returning to her usual annoyed tone. “I’m going to be busy for the rest of the day and I want to be here with you. Can you do that?”

“Y-Yeah I can do that” Craig said a little too quickly, though she didn’t comment. The two set up a time and said their civil goodbyes without saying much else. Hanging up, Craig wasn’t actually sure if that just happened.

 _I … guess that went well …?_ He half wondered. Unsure of how the day would play out, he decided to leave the thought alone. Whatever happened happened, and he would just have to be prepared for anything.

…

Night came and Craig checked his phone once more. Mat still hadn’t replied to his morning text, making him seriously wonder what was going on. Was he really that busy that he couldn’t send a simple reply back?

“Come on Craig, don’t be selfish” he muttered, busy with cooking that night’s dinner. “He doesn’t have to answer you right away. Give him his space, you’ve done it before.” Determined to keep things as routine as possible, he kept himself away from his phone as he ate. It was a simple dinner, mostly due to being distracted by tomorrow and the prospect of seeing his children once more. Even with everything that was happening with Mat, the biggest ache to his heart was being barred from his own family. But now it seemed like things were going to change for the better and he couldn’t be more anxious.

As slowly as time had passed, he eventually prepped for bed. Settling under the covers, he allowed himself to finally send another text to Mat.

**Good night! Hope you had a good day. :)**

Silently praying he could wake up to a text, Craig tried his best to fall asleep. It took an hour or so, but eventually he managed to let the world go.

…

To his disappointment, Craig’s texts were left unanswered the next day. Although it started to bother him, his mind wouldn’t let him dwell on the situation. It instead focused his attention on his trip to see his girls, which somehow managed not to get cancelled by Ashley. Thanking whatever higher being was up there watching out for him, he used the morning to get most of his daily chores done and by 9:30, he was out the door and on the road.

During his drive, he checked over and over again if he looked good enough, that he didn’t smell like sweat even after his thorough shower and practiced everything he would probably have to say in a way that wouldn’t drive a wedge between him and Ashley again. He was being allowed back, but that didn’t mean everything was okay again. He was quite literally walking on eggshells and he had to be careful.

About 15 minutes of driving later, he slowly parked his car in the driveway of Ashley’s home. Shutting off the engine, he sat for a moment, trying to ease his mind.

“This is it …” he breathed. “This … is it …” Looking himself over one last time, he carefully got out of the car, approached the front door and rang the doorbell. Almost instantly he could hear two pairs of feet running throughout the house and approach the door. The door knob jiggled briefly and the door swung open, revealing the twins.

“Dad!” they said in unison, looking up at him with the brightest smiles he had ever seen. Before he could greet them back, Briar and Hazel both jumped in his arms, almost making him stumble back in surprise.

“H-Hey!” he managed to say, holding onto them tightly. “I’ve missed you!”

“We’ve missed you too!” Hazel said, Briar nodding in agreement. The three stayed that way for a few moments before the twins wiggled out of his grip and ushered him into the house. His heart filled with overwhelming relief of being in that moment and he used all of his strength not to simply collapse on the ground crying. Keeping his smile present, he allowed the girls to take him to their room as they chatted about a hundred different stories of the past couple months without him. He listened intently, trying to remember every detail in the hopes of feeling like he was there with them.

“So this guy Michael comes up to me right?” Hazel said, starting yet another story in the span of 20 minutes. Craig nodded.

“What did Michael do?” he asked.

“Well he comes up to me and says, ‘you play well, _for a girl_.” Craig gasped, the two girls nodding affirmatively. “I know right?!” Hazel continued. “It was blasphemous!”

“She got really mad about it” Briar chimed in gleefully. “I was there and I could see it all over her face. She got so mad that she kicked him right in the -”

A knock on their door interrupted the story, all three of them upset that their time suddenly was up. “Come in” Craig answered, watching Ashley open the door.

“I hate to break up this little party …” she said, her voice unusually soft. “But I’m gonna need your help, Craig. That is, after all, what you’re here for …”

“R-Right” Craig answered, getting up from Hazel’s bed. Leaving the two girls alone, Craig followed Ashley to the nursery, River’s fussy noises emanating down the hall before they even reached the room. Inside, it just as Craig remembered, albeit a little more with that lived in feel.

“She’s been like this almost all week” Ashley informed him, waving towards the crib. Trying not to appear too eager, he gripped the edge of it and leaned over to take a look. Staring back up at him was River who was wide awake at a time when she would normally be sleeping, her face contorted in discomfort. Her chubby arms flailed around haphazardly, her legs kicking at nothing in particular. “I took her to the doctor, but she doesn’t seem to be sick” Ashley continued, sitting heavily in the rocking chair off to the side. “She’s eating well and doesn’t have any injuries. She’s just … upset.”

Craig reached down, smoothing down River’s hair, which had grown since he last saw her. She responded a bit to his touch, but otherwise continued to whine. He turned to look at Ashley. “Can I …?” he asked, indicating that he wanted to pick her up.

“Yeah go ahead …” Ashley sighed, her face showing months of stress. Hiding his smile, Craig gingerly picked up River, careful not to let her squirm out of his arms. Resting her against his shoulder, he rubbed her back and after only a quick moment, managed to settle her down. He kept his back to Ashley, feeling her eyes on him but unsure of the emotion behind them. The silence that had now filled the room was broken by Ashley.

“I’m sorry” she said without hesitation. Craig blinked, turning around in surprise. The two locked eyes with each other, her expression serious.

“Oh …” was all he could manage. Staring at him for a long while, she sighed.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so difficult …” she muttered, her gaze falling to the floor. “I was going to tell you all this yesterday, but I figured it would be better to talk to you in person.”

“It’s … not your fault” Craig said with sincerity. “Things are tough and … sometimes people react with anger.”

“That doesn’t make it okay, which is why I …” she hesitated, rubbing her neck nervously. “I’ve been … seeing someone. A therapist.”

Craig tilted his head gently. “Is it helping you?”

“Yeah …” Ashley half laughed. “It’s been really nice being able to vent out my frustrations. I mean it’s worked for a while, but now I realize I’m hitting a wall and things are beginning to get to me again. Things are becoming hard to deal with that didn’t before, and I think it’s because … you’re not here with me.”

Craig’s expression fell slightly, his heart skipping a beat. “Ash …” he said a little nervously. “I don’t think it’s really a good idea to try and get back together …”

Ashley cracked a smile, standing up to her full height. “No, I know. But that’s not what I mean.” She slowly approached Craig and reached out a hand to caress River’s head gently. “What I mean is … I realized I was hurting both of us by keeping you at arms length. I thought I knew more than you did and I was so determined to prove to myself that I could pick up the pieces of our marriage all on my own, that I ended up breaking what little love we still had for each other.” She sighed, her eyes glossing over as she kept her composure. “I’m sorry Craig, I really, truly am. Not just for throwing everything at you, but taking it all away just the same. I can’t imagine what sort of pain I made you go through and I just … can you forgive me?”

Before she managed to get the last of her words out, Craig used his free arm to pull Ashley into a tight hug. She quickly reciprocated it, wrapping her arms around him as if she was afraid to let go of him forever. The two stood there for a long time, each of them simply listening to the other breathing gently.

The moment was stopped when River began to fuss from being somewhat squished between the two of them. Letting go and stepping back, Ashley watched Craig gently hush River. When he wasn’t looking, she wiped a few tears from her eyes and quietly cleared her throat of the lump she felt. It took a little longer than before, but River eventually quieted down again and they both felt confident she could sleep soundly in her crib. Once Craig gently put her to bed, he and Ashley quietly but quickly made their way out of the nursery, shutting the door noiselessly.

“Do you … want something to drink?” Ashley asked. Craig nodded and she led him to the dining room, where he sat himself at the table. Slipping inside the kitchen, Ashley reemerged with two glasses of orange juice, placing one in front of Craig before settling in the seat next to him. They sipped their drinks in a somewhat comfortable silence.

“You know …” Craig said, getting her attention. “I wanted to apologize about that night. I was stressed out, but that shouldn’t have been an excuse to toss out my responsibilities and get wasted.”

“I understand why you did it” Ashley said, a little somber. “There’s nothing you need to apologize for … we both really fucked up.”

“Shall we … call this a truce then?” he asked quietly. Ashley thought for a moment before reaching over to pat his hand softly.

“Yeah … truce.”

Craig smiled, finally realizing that any tension between them was finally and truly gone. “So,” Ashley continued after a small pause. “Do you think I can see you again tomorrow? I think I know what made River so fussy ...”

“Of course. Does … this mean I can have my girls back again?”

She smiled, feeling happiness radiate within her for the first time since they divorced. “Of course. Forever and always.”

…

It had been a few days since his initial visit to Ashley’s home, but Craig was finally getting used to the new schedule. Every morning he would get up, excited to see his girls for a few hours while also taking the time to reconnect with Ashley. She seemed so much happier than before, her calm nature rubbing off on him every time they talked. He was so afraid it was all temporary, that he genuinely was surprised when he returned the second day and she greeted him with a warm smile and a gentle hug. It reminded him of the peak of their marriage.

It was a calm morning, Craig having returned home from his visit. His talk with Ashley this time centered about the girls and their future plans when it came to their schooling and extracurricular activities; a conversation inherently familial that Craig missed dearly. Of course before he left, he took the girls on a short walk around their neighborhood and promised them that he and their mother would go back to sharing the responsibility of raising them in a few days. This meant Craig had to seriously clean his home and prepare it for three children once more, but it was a task he was desperate to take back. He was finally needed again and he couldn’t feel happier.

Eager to prepare his home, Craig decided to dedicate the rest of day to cleaning. He wasn’t particularly messy, but there was always something that needed wiping or dusting. It would be a quick job and perhaps afterward he would take a nap. He had definitely liked naps lately.

Starting in the living room, he rearranged the furniture, vacuumed the floor, dusted off the television area and watered some of his probably already dead plants. He never was someone who could keep non human things alive for too long.

He made a mental note to replace them later on.

Satisfied, he moved on to the kitchen, where a small pile of dishes sat soaking in the sink. Rolling up his sleeves, he began the monotonous task of washing and drying.

 _I wonder if I should buy them a gift?_ He thought suddenly. _I haven’t bought them anything in a while and I’m sure Ash won’t mind._

He was debating between a video game or a day out at the movies when a tentative knock at his front door brought Craig out of his thoughts. At first he thought he was just hearing things because of how quiet it sounded. Shutting off the water for just a moment, he stood silently and listened. Sure enough, not a minute passed before the knock returned, a little louder and sounding more urgent this time.

Drying off his hands, he made light steps to the door, opening it swiftly. On the other side, Carmensita flinched.

“O-Oh” she said, looking up at him with surprise. “I didn’t think you’d answer that fast.”

Craig laughed a bit awkwardly. “Sorry about that.” he paused, taking note that she was by herself. “What uh … what can I do for you?”

“Is … my dad with you?”

He blinked, not expecting that kind of question at all. “No, I’m sorry …”

“Oh …” she looked down at the ground, Craig watching her carefully. She wrung her hands together, avoiding eye contact. “U-Um …” she trailed off. Craig frowned, his father instincts kicking in as he crouched to her level, giving her a sympathetic look.

“What’s wrong baby girl?” he asked, his tone soft. She finally looked up at him and he got a good look at her eyes; they were puffy, as if she had been crying.

“I … I don’t know where my dad went” she said, her small voice shaking with every syllable, Craig getting worried she was about to cry again. “I’ve tried calling him and texting him, but he hasn’t been answering.”

“Maybe he’s just working?” Craig offered. Carmensita shook her head swiftly.

“N-No, he’s not working today, it’s his day off. I don’t know where else he would be if he’s not supposed to work today and I already checked the Coffee Spoon and it’s closed.”

Craig furrowed his brow in thought. “When did you last see him?” he asked, hoping there was some kind of misunderstanding.

“Uh … yesterday” she said carefully.

“And he didn’t mention doing anything today?”

“N-No…”

Craig dissected her information. “When did you last try and call him?”

“Just now …” Carmensita fished out her phone from her pocket, pulling up her call history and handing it over for Craig to see. Taking her phone, he scrolled through and counted 12 calls in a row that she made to Mat; none of them seemed to have been answered and they all had been made that day.

“That’s … strange” he said, now feeling a bit anxious about the situation. Now that he thought about it, Craig wasn’t sure Mat had responded to his texts at all and as far as he remembered, his last one was sent at least four days ago.

_This … doesn’t seem normal._

He passed her phone back, which she kept in her grip, afraid to miss any call that might come through. He straightened back up, leaning out the door to look over at the Sella household. “Have you been alone this whole time?”

“Y-Yeah …” she answered.

He frowned, not liking that fact. He trusted the neighborhood was a safe place, but he didn’t feel good about leaving her all alone. “Ah, why not just stay here while we figure this out?” he said as gently as possible, not trying to hint at the fact that this may become a bigger problem. “Your dad probably wouldn’t want you by yourself.” She nodded, allowing herself to be ushered inside. Sitting lightly on his couch, she used all of her willpower not to dial her dad’s number again. Closing the front door, Craig grabbed a glass of lemonade from the kitchen and offered it to Carmensita.

Taking it, she seemed a little grateful for the hospitality and slowly sipped the cool drink. “I’ll be right back” Craig said, excusing himself to head into his bedroom. Shutting his door, he scrolled through his phone and sure enough, there wasn’t any reply from Mat since their evening walk. Biting his lip anxiously, he dialed Mat’s number on his phone and waited. It rang several times, meaning it was still on, but eventually he was taken to voicemail. Craig decided to leave one when he was prompted.

“Hey Mat” he said, trying to sound casual and not at all like he was about to lose his shit. “It’s Craig. I don’t know what’s going on, but your daughter says you haven’t been home today and she’s really worried. Call me back so we can get this whole thing sorted out …” Trailing off, he hung up the phone and sighed, running his hand through his hair.

 _What the actual hell is going on … ?_ he thought, now incredibly confused and concerned. He knew he couldn’t just send Carmensita back and hope that Mat would just magically appear again. She was already scared enough and Craig couldn’t bring himself to just abandon her like that. But at the same time, he wasn’t sure where to go with this whole situation. Should he keep everyone calm or was some kind of search and rescue called for? Was this just one big overreaction, or was Mat actually missing?

_Is he in trouble?_

Craig shook his head; he couldn’t jump to conclusions like that. He was the adult in the house and he needed to act that way. But as far as he knew, he couldn’t do this on his own. Making a quick decision, he made another call.

The phone rang once before Joseph picked up on the other side.

“Hello ~ ?” he answered, happy as per usual.

“Hey bro” Craig said, faking a bit of happiness as well. “How’s it going?”

“Oh hey Craig! It’s going pretty well!” Joseph said, his smile practically audible through the phone. “How about you?”

“It’s going pretty well …” Craig trailed off. “Actually no, I think everything has gone to hell.”

“O-Oh?” Joseph asked, startled by his immediate change in tone.

“I think, uh … I think Mat’s gone missing.”

…

Fifteen minutes later, Craig and Carmensita sat together on the couch, watching Joseph pace back and forth in front of them. After a long moment, he stopped walking and turned to face the both of them. Clasping his hands together, he held his head high.

“Well …” he started. “There’s nothing we can figure out unless we have all of the pieces. Carmensita my dear, tell us everything you know.”

She frowned, recalling her story. “I … woke up this morning and I thought he would be around because it’s his day off. But after I had breakfast and got ready for the day, I didn’t see him come down like he always does. So I went to his room and he wasn’t there.” She hiccuped, furiously wiping tears from her eyes and forced herself to continue. “I-I thought maybe he went to get groceries or something, but I kept trying to call him and he wouldn’t answer … after a while, I got really scared and I-I came here ...”

Joseph nodding, sifting mentally through the information. “Well … that doesn’t particularly tell us much, except that he hasn’t been around today.” He scratched his head in thought. “It’s … possible he’s doing some kind of errand and his phone is simply off.”

Craig fidgeted in his seat, Joseph noticing right away. “Yes?” Joseph asked, quirking an eyebrow. “Do you want to add something?”

“Well, actually ... “ Craig said, taking a deep breath before continuing. “A few days ago, I sent him a couple texts, but he hasn’t replied to either. I meant to check up on him to see what was going on, but I’ve been busy with other things that it slipped my mind … I even called him before I asked you to come over and there was no answer …”

“How long ago was this?” Joseph asked. “When you first noticed he wasn’t answering?”

“A few days …”

Joseph asked his next question to Carmensita. “Do you know why your father might not have responded? Has he been sick or …?”

“I don’t know” Carmensita replied, suddenly very nervous. “I-I … haven’t seen him around.”

“At all?” Craig asked. “You told me you hadn’t seen him since yesterday.”

“R-right” she said, obviously backtracking on her previous statement. “But I don’t usually see him a lot when he works. Sometimes when he comes back I’ll be around, but it’s not all the time. It was only today when I noticed something was wrong …”

“I’m surprised” Joseph said. “I always imagined you and your father to be very close.”

“You don’t have to spend time with someone to be close with them” she defended, puffing up her cheeks a bit. “Besides … he’s been kinda depressed and didn’t really want to talk about it, so I’ve been leaving him alone.”

“Depressed?” Craig asked, suddenly concerned with this new information. “What about?”

“Well, about you …” she responded, not really looking at Craig. “You really hurt him, you know.”

“A-Ah, I think we’re getting slightly off topic here” Joseph interjected, watching Craig’s expression turn incredibly guilty and dejected. “We should focus on the problem at hand …”

“But what if that’s why he’s missing?” Craig asked, slightly frantic. “What if it’s my fault?”

“We’re not focusing on the why” Joseph said. “We’re focusing on the when. When was he last here? What was his last activity?”

“The … last time I saw him was when we went out for a walk a couple days ago” Craig offered weakly. “I haven’t been able to get into contact with him since …”

“So … so wait …” Joseph ran his hand through his hair, putting two and two together. “If you hadn’t seen him since your walk” he pointed at Craig. “... and he hasn’t been at the Coffee Spoon …” he trailed off, pointing at Carmensita.

“That means he's been missing ... _for four days_ ” Craig finished, his face falling in disbelief. Joseph shot him the same look, Craig jumping to his feet instantly. “Four days!”

“N-Now calm down …” Joseph held up his hands nervously. “Let’s not get worked up …”

“How does anyone goes missing for that long and no one notices?!” Craig nearly shrieked; he felt sick to his stomach. “W-What do we do?” he asked frantically. “We can’t just sit around while he’s God knows where!”

“Let’s take a moment and think about all this” Joseph said, trying to hide his own uncertainty. “It won’t do us any good to just jump to conclusions.”

“Joseph, it’s been four days!” Craig reiterated. “We don’t have time anymore!”

“I know, I know” Joseph said, resting a gentle hand on Craig’s arm. “But if we let our emotions get to us this quickly, we won’t be able to take the right steps to make this as efficient as possible.” He nodded towards Carmensita, who was sitting frozen on the couch, the sudden news sinking into her already fragile mind.

“Is …. Is my dad gonna come back?” she asked weakly. “Am I gonna be … a - alone?”

“Oh honey, don’t think like that” Joseph cooed, crouching down in front of her, reaching over to cup her cheek gently. “Everything is going to be okay. Your dad is gonna be home before you know it. Craig and I will make sure of it, alright?” She didn’t really seem to believe him, but nodded anyway; it was the best option at this point.

Smiling, Joseph stood back up and turned his attention to Craig now. “Craig, the only way we can get this to be successful is if we just stay calm and do everything in a methodical, thorough way. Understand?”

Craig looked like he wanted to protest and fight Joseph on his logic, but deep down inside, he knew the man was right. This kind of situation was sensitive and if Craig let himself get out of control, he would have most likely caused more damage. Although his heart told him he had to be out there looking for Mat, he had to stay there and listen to reason. “Yeah …” he replied. “Yeah, I understand …”

Joseph nodded. “Good. Now, the first thing we need to do is take care of Carmensita.” He waved to her shaking frame, her face doing everything it could to stay perfectly stoic. “Can you house her for now? We shouldn’t leave her on her own and I think she’d feel much better with a temporary father figure to make everyday as normal as possible.”

_E-Everyday ?! How long does he expect this whole thing to take ?! Is he assuming the worst ?!_

“Of course” Craig nodded his head quickly. Joseph offered him a look of sympathy, reaching out to rest his hand on Craig’s shoulder.

“I need you to spend today just getting her and yourself to relax. I’ll go out, let the authorities know that Mat’s missing and before we know it, we’ll have everyone in town looking. I know how much you want to get involved, but you need to do this first. Alright?”

“Y-yeah, no problem.” Satisfied with Craig’s cooperation, Joseph offered him a small smile, which Craig returned weakly. Joseph looked over at Carmensita one last time.

“We’re gonna find your dad” he said confidently. “Trust us, okay?”

“O-Okay …”

With that, Joseph gave them each one last goodbye hug and left the house in silence. Feeling his heart beat wildly in his chest, Craig stared at the door for a long time, trying to compartmentalize everything that had just happened.

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally turned back around, locking eyes with Carmensita. She hadn’t moved a muscle from her spot on the couch. Unsure of how to spend the next couple of hours, he said the first thing that came to mind. “Would you … like something to eat?”

Knowing there was nothing else either of them could do, she nodded.

…

Night fell on Maple Bay and the cul de sac was quietly turning in for the night.

Joseph rubbed the back of his neck, trying to get rid of that aching feeling. “What a day …” he muttered, yawning that tired feeling out of him. The house was quiet at this time of night, his kids already off to bed and Mary doing whatever it was she did at Jim and Kim’s. He had the house to himself and he planned to simply relax and get ready for bed.

“Hmm … first things first though …” he said, tapping his chin in thought. Flicking on the kitchen light, he spent a few minutes rummaging through the fridge. He eventually came across some tupperware that held leftover spaghetti from the night before. He raised an eyebrow, looking it over.

_Why does Mary insist on making this every day? They’re getting awfully tired of eating it …_

Shrugging away the thought, he busied himself with plating the meal and heating it up in the microwave. He wasn’t usually one to reheat food; he believed it killed off any proteins and nutrients the food held and preferred the oven. But he had come home late that night and he knew he was going to get an earful from Mary if he didn’t have dinner ready for them soon.

After two very long minutes, the microwave screeched and he swiftly silenced the machine. Pulling out the plate, his frown only deepened; as always, the food was poorly heated and still had cold spots.

“Eh … this should be good enough” he decided, picking out a fork from one of the drawers and sifting through the sauce soaked noodles. Yawning, he tiredly made his way across the house and reached the stairs. Watching his step, he slowly made his way down to the basement, the worn steps beneath his feet creaking with every movement.

_I should really get these repaired soon. Someone can really hurt themselves on these._

He really thought it was a shame how old the stairs were, because the rest of the basement was well kept. Reaching the bottom, he felt his way carefully along the wall and found the light switch, flicking it on. The entire room flooded instantly with bright light, Joseph blinking momentarily to get his eyes used to the intensity. The area was decent looking, reminiscent of a typical living room. The only way you knew it was a basement was the lack of windows and the industrial walls and floor.

Shoes clicking gently against concrete, he approached a lone bar stool at the other end of the room and sat. Across from him were Mat and Robert, watching him intensely. Occupying an old couch, their arms and legs were bound by rope, giving them no way to move elsewhere. Their mouths were left untouched, so they were free to speak. Neither of them dared to though, and instead they remained silent.

Joseph smiled.

“Come on you two, time to eat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I just wanted to say thank you for sticking with me and reading this until the end! It's been really fun and I hope you've enjoyed my first fanfic in like ... 10 years. I'm so happy I managed to finish something I set out to do and although this isn't technically finished, I reached a point where I can comfortably stop for now.
> 
> I love all of you who have stayed with me and I will see you when part two comes out ~

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this. I appreciate all your love and support and I hope you all will continue on this journey with me. I can't wait!


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